Lemons are the shit, dude.

hey. sorry for calling you "my subject" at your family dinner. i'm not sure if i meant it in a princess way or a scientist way but either way it was definitely a sex thing for me

Before i can do this small task i have to drink a coffee then play on my phone for an hour then jerk off then drink a soda then play on my phone then eat a snack then play on my phone then take a nap then play on my phone then go to bed

You ever see a post that just looks like someone swinging an incredibly high resolution bat at an impossibly busty hornet’s nest?

Playing Magic the Gathering with a tgirl and I play Mindbreak Trap to exile her spell. She looks at the card, then back to me, then looks away and her face gets really red.

This would never happen to me, locked in as I am, mid combo turn. I look down at my perfectly executed Ad-Naus ritual-draw sequence into a Tendrils of Agony for more then twice your life total, smirking at your pathetic attempt at disruption as I cleverly exile a spare Ponder from my hand to Force your feeble countermagic. You cast a second Mindbreak Trap and I get so horny I pass out.

Oh my fuck

Still thinking about her

i know you're only flirting with me because you want me to jerk you off with my skeleton hand

"the backrooms and liminal spaces are less scary when you throw in a monster that lurks around" alright but how about a gloryhole. would you trust the interdimensional backrooms gloryhole. are you a bad enough dude to risk having the forces that lay at the heart of darkness warp your junk into cow tools.

*faking a limp and whining like a dog* oooh… ooooh *sees that the hot girl left the line at in and out* oh nevermind. *starts looking at hentai on my android phone*

concept: extremely sweet and caring guys that fuck you like an animal in heat

Oh damn Macklemore is speaking at the Free Palestine rally

Oh no sure would be a shame to find an innocent puppy and make them into a brainless cumslut who begs to be used.