Simon Stunt Coordinator Pt.2
Content warning: Colt was and continues to be a whore
“Jesus fuck, the first time I see my brother in three years and you guys try and drop him from a hundred and fifty feet,” Colt hissed, speed walking over to the lift as Simon detaches them from the safety bar, stepping down with Grace, who nearly crumbles from the short step down. But after being up that high it all felt like falling.
“A hundred and thirty four,” Simon corrects, unlatching the carabiner keeping them secured together and patting the middle of Grace’s stomach to comfort him. “He did surprisingly well, actually. Got all the way to the edge- I mean he definitely should not have gotten that far but-”
“No shit.” Colt huffs, finally in close enough distance to grab onto his twin’s harness, pulling him in and gripping the back of his head and back to hug tightly. “Jesus Ry. Why are you always getting into trouble-”
“I told so many people I wasn’t you,” Ryland defended, though shaky and with only half his heart as he hugged back tightly.
“What the hell guys!” Colt yelled back, half his arm wrapped around his brother as he looked back aimlessly, chastising the whole building for all he cared. “Look at him! How can you not tell the difference? He’s wearing elbow pads. C’mon!”
“He also doesn’t look like he abuses the spray tanner.” Simon muttered, undoing the straps on Grace’s back.
“You know I only do it because Ryder does. I have to stay consistent with him.” Colt defends, jerking an accusatory hand at Simon, who only raises a brow, glancing at Colt and the harness on the teacher as he undid it. “And what the hell? Where were you? He shouldn’t have even made it into the harness!”
“It’s not his fault,” Grace laughs slightly, patting Colt’s shoulder.
“No, it is,” Simon countered, loosening the shoulder straps on Grace. “I should’ve caught it before they ever got you on the lift. But I was distracted.”
“It’s fine, really. I’m down now and I don’t need a change of pants so- That’s the best I could ask for,” He laughs a little, more so stuffed into his Brother's side like they were attached at the hip.
“I’ll have to fill out an incident report- Step out, Hun,” Simon said, gently patting Grace’s thigh before his long legs hopped out of the harness, now slung in the crook of Simon’s elbow as he looked up to Grace’s face. “Stay by your brother for now, so no one gets you mixed up, yeah? I’ll get a PA to get you some ginger ale, stomachs get queasy after heights like that. Go stick your butt in a seat for the time being.”
“Yeah- thank you!” Grace calls out as Simon jogs away, another man approaching, looking confused.
“The hell was happening over here? I heard commotion on the radio.”
Colt dropped his head a moment, rubbing a hand over his face. “Dan Tucker, you’ve seen photos- This is my brother Ryland-”
“They just got him back off the lift after mistaking him for me-”
“Ryland, this is my best friend and Head stunt coordinator Dan Tucker-”
“I’m your best friend?” Dan asked with a tender look and a hand to his chest.
“Didn’t- didn’t you used to date a Dan Tucker-”
“Yeah, same guy,” Colt nodded solemnly. “The other guy was Simon Fischer, Co-Stunt Coordinator-"
“You also dated a Simon Fisher-”
“Why are you working with so many of your exes-”
“Cause he’s a whore.” Dan provided with a soft nod, that had Colt squinting at him.
“I am not a whore-”
“I mean..” Ryland drags quietly, a guilty smile coming to his face when Colt shoots a glare at him.
“Alright. I see how it is,” The stuntman says as he pulls from his twin. “First time you see me in three years and the first thing you do is judge my relationships- and you’re one to talk, Mr.’I need you to take me to get my stomach pumped after taking a bunch of pills from strangers’.”
“Techniqually, the first thing I did was almost get my back broken trying to do your job for you-”
Visiting his brother on set for a nice lunch had quickly turned into the worst internal stunt team disaster the industry had seen, apparently, because Ryland sat on the side line in his beanie and yellow coat, sipping a ginger ale and eating crackers while trying not to stare at the gathered team getting chewed out.
He felt a little bad that he had gotten them in trouble, but he knows it isn’t a whole ‘them getting told off for taking something extra from the snack bar’ and was more on the line of ‘this is not something that should have happened and is super dangerous that it did’.
But he mostly felt bad because Dan and Simon were sitting at the front of the small mountain of the stunt crew huddle. Dan was nodding along softly, but Simon was staring down the people speaking with a great seriousness, his flesh hand bracing on his half bend leg where he leaned against the set they were all crowded on.
“I’m gonna get you a tshirt that says ‘Not Colt Seavers’ on it,” His brother prompted, sitting across from him on the tiny metal chair that belonged to some paris romcom set that paused it’s shooting in the same location.
“No one will read it, better off just putting it on my forehead in permanent marker.”
“That does sound like an upgrade.”
“We have the same face,” Ryland pointed out. “As was the general consensus of the entire crew apparently.”
Colt closed his eyes with a throaty sigh and shook his head softly. “I’m never gonna not have nightmares about them almost throwing you off that thing.”
“That would’ve been an unideal physics lesson for my students, but we have been learning about different kinds of gravity for the past few weeks.”
Colt nodded softly, finger scratching at his paper cup in lost thoughts. It had been a while since he talked to his brother. No bad blood, just life getting in the way of regular visits and their jobs being at the forefronts of their minds.
“You really laid into that guy at the science conference thing-”
“Oh god, you did not watch that video,” Ryland groaned, plucking off his glasses and wiping his hands over his face.
“I mean really. What did he do to deserve that-”
“He didn’t do anything! He just- he was a little catty about the paper I wrote. And I was drunk. Everyone was already laughing at me- it was a mess- And now I’m teaching sixth graders- do you know how passive aggressive middle schoolers are? I wore an orange tie over a blue shirt once and they told me they were taking away my ‘queer card’ because apparently, and I quote, ‘no queer person dresses that bad’.”
“Oh ho ho shit,” Colt laughed, shaking his head. “Kids are assholes man.”
Ryland nods softly, planting his elbow on the table and resting his cheek into his palm. “They’re gonna have a real wakeup call when they meet an actual queer adult in public and find out they all dress like homeless people.”
“Homeless people or met gala,” Colt corrected.
“Yeah yeah, Homeless, met gala, or rave.”
“Drag queens are a given- Oh, you know what- Jiggalos.”
“I’d be terrified if sixth graders knew what jiggalos are.”
“Oh, they know way more than you want to know. That’s why you don’t have conversations like this with children, you’d be absolutely horrified by what they know. Which isn’t a surprise, ya know? They have access to the internet, they’re hitting puberty-”
“Ry, I would love for you to immediately shut up.”
“Message received.” Ryland saluted with his other hand, immediately sitting up straighter when he saw the stunt crew break and start to disperse, Simon standing up quickly and holding off a conversation from a few people to walk over.
Colt’s eyes narrowed on Grace when he adjusted how he sat, crossing his leg over the other and folding his hands.
Ryland glanced over to his brother, confusion written on his face.
“No?”
“What do you mean ‘No’? You can’t just say ‘No’ and not give context, doesn’t make any sense-”
“You doing alright over here?” Simon asked as he approached, settling his flesh hand on his hip and looking down at Grace with a pinch in his brow. “You feeling nauseous? You come down yet?”
Ryland laughed a little bit, smiling up at the broader man. “I mean, I came down a while ago. It was the going up part that really got me.”
“Come down from adrenaline, Ry.” Colt clarified.
“Oh yeah yeah yeah, I came ages ago- came down ages ago- I’m good, all fine.” Grace muttered with stiff thumbs up. “All good and fine, baby- buddy.”
Colt took his sunglasses off his head and put them on his face instead before banging his face softly into the table, to which Simon didn't even look his way, only nodding softly, reaching into the back pocket of his sinfully fitted jeans.
“Okay, well, again, on behalf of the whole stunt crew, we are deeply sorry. And you’ll be getting a lot of those today if you stick around,” Simon said, while pulling out his wallet and thumbing out a card and dropping it onto the table, stuffing the leather back into his pocket. “Heard you guys were going to lunch so, it’s on us today.”
“Oh great,” Colt muffled, his hands gesturing up. “Now we can spend up to forty dollars total. Exciting.”
“It’s my card actually, just don’t spend more than five grand and we’ll be good.”
“I’m sorry?” Grace half squawks before Colt’s hand is making a break from the card. Simon must know him pretty well, because he reads his mind and grabs it off the table before Colt can slap his hand over it.
“Nah nah nah nah nah, not you. You don’t get to hold my card anymore after last time.” Simon chastises, to which Colt has the gall to look annoyed at as he slumps into his chair. Like a child denied a treat as Simon holds the card out to Grace. “Please make sure he doesn’t use this. I can write off a lunch but I can’t write off whatever bullshit he tries to pull.”
“Oh- thanks- you didn’t have to,” Grace says with a soft smile as he takes the card. “I mean, if you really wanted to be sorry you could pay my rent.” He jokes, but Simon just shrugs.
“Sure. That’s fine. Whatever works.”
And Grace just stares for a moment.
“I’m not- I wasn’t being serious-”
“Okay.” Simon shrugs again, making Grace’s face contorts in confusion, looking between Colt and Simon.
Colt groans out as he stands up. “Oh my god you guys are painful. You’re both different flavors of autism and it’s driving me up a wall-”
“I’m gonna ignore him for now,” Simon says to Grace, pointing back at Colt. “But yeah, have lunch on us, pay your rent on us- I don’t really care-” He said, before joining his right hand and leg prosthetic together. “I am very sorry for the incident, we will work hard to make sure it never happens again, and if someone tries to do that shit again, I want you to punch and kick and scream. Got it?”
“Aye aye, captain,” Grace salutes.
“Yeah yeah, that’s cute but I’m being serious.”
“Oh, no, yes, I hear you,” Grace nods while folding his hands tightly, feeling a bit stupid.
“Okay- because shit like that is why I no longer have an arm, right? And as good of a payout as it is, I do not want you getting hurt. It’s not worth the money.” Simon says seriously. “So please be careful. We’re all sorry. Enjoy. I’m gonna go fill out a fuck ton of paper work.”
“Right, yes, thank you.” Grace says with a wave and an awkward bow of his head as Simon beelined for his next destination, unhooking his radio and already muttering into it as he weaved past people ringing in set pieces.
The teacher bit at his nails subconsciously, staring down into the swirls of the metal table. It always felt like he fucked up every interaction he had. The only good ones happened when he wasn’t talking much or wasn’t paying attention enough to put in his two cents.
He glanced up at his brother, both his hands rested on his cheeks as Colt stared him down with a dead expression.
“You can not get with my ex-”
“What is wrong with you? I was almost thrown off a friggin building theory minutes ago-”
“Because I know you, and I know your face, and my exes are off limits-”
“No, I’m not being stupid. I’m being realistic. And I swear to god if you have sex with my ex then it will be a problem for both of us, because then I’m gonna have to bother him till he tells me which of us was better, and neither of us want that-”
“Okay, new concept here, have you considered the idea of not asking that?”
“I have, and I’m not interested.”
“Not interested in not knowing which of us is better in bed?”
“Not interested in not knowing if my dick is bigger-”
“You have free will, Colt,”
“Exactly. And that is what I will be using it for. So don’t sleep with my ex and everything will be fine.”
