it took so much out of me loving you

I think of you and I feel the warmth of New Year’s Eve whisky shots.

And I felt your head fall into my collarbones, hair touching the nape of my neck and noses touching. Cheeks folding into the landscape of our faces.  I could taste the wine in your breath as your lips found mine, and soft kisses more breath lingering between us and some slipping away, but more being caught in-between silent words.

These days you no longer come unexpected like you once  would, coaxing yourself down my throat into my windpipes, causing me to choke on my own air. 

Some days I allow myself to think about you, occasionally tell myself it’s okay to miss you. There was one day  I hated you for forgetting, not understanding. But I do now.

Most days thoughts of you are faded out among others, shaded in-between memories. These days I ask for you and you come, hesitant and reluctant but you do, eventually.

Parallel streaks scratch the sidewalk intersecting they interrupt the segmented squares as rain hits the surface and is absorbed then regurgitated from the floor.

Heartbeats per minute increasing as you and palpitations morph into one and they continue to increase exponentially as they exit my body and get absorbed by yours. And skin uncomfortable, you laugh into my collarbones and mine intertwine they dance with yours they exhale, they seep and pour out from each rib; physical bodies, they touch and I move away yet find myself not further but even closer uncontrollably, still.