I’m losing my goddamn mind

I'm babe

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”

I saw him live at my college. During his show he shouted something, which spooked a service dog in training that someone had brought with them (the dogs are common on campus, cause they are learning how to socialize and be in large crowds without reacting). Seeing the dog had been scared he apologized and asked the dog’s name. Upon hearing the dogs name was “Blanket” he about lost his god damn mind he was so happy. throughout the show he kept checking on Blanket. It was adorable.

This is my favorite version of this thread now

if she’s YOUR girl, why’s she using MY crafting table?

I’m not saying she is a slut, I’m just saying her spawn point isn’t set to her own bed very often.

I pity the future historians that are gonna try and take a crack at this one

I can’t believe it whenever I see all of these literal babies on their own smartphones and Apple tablets. When I was their age the only thing I would play with was an old goose beanie baby I dubbed Stinky Beak. He was deformed and I hated him and I tried to drown him several times.

This is like the beginning of Us

I cant stop thinkjing about this it KILLS me