jawknee

what hope feels like.

i peel my own skin,

as if i could shed

the person i’ve become.

a broken mirror

tells my story better than i can.

every piece

knows a different version of me.

i close my eyes,

and all i see

is nothing ahead.

i hate change.

i hate becoming someone

i never meant to be.

i wish this hole

would let me go.

i wish i could go back

We could be forgiven

could it be forever again and again

Then the rest is still unwritten

endless road to nowhere

like i stepped out of my body

and forgot how to come back

emotions don’t reach me anymore

unless they hit hard enough

i’ve lived like that for a while

the other day

i was there again

really there

my heart sped up

i felt the tension

the ease

the happiness of us just being us

no effort

no pretending

i felt awake

i came back to myself

too much of something ruins it

i’d rather keep you a little away

if it means you stay longer

if it means nothing breaks

i need you here

not everywhere

just here

because without you

No warmth, no life without, it's too much

My arms, my legs are wood, unconscious trees

With roots deep in the ground, we'll all be out

An ocean ringed with tile

I know that's not your style

But it certainly will be mine

If I can't get this right

So please, please, please, release me

Oh, please, please, please release me

Can you hear my faintest breath? Is it amplified?

The number that I've become will put you inside

I've got a message that I must relay

No, I can't delay it one more day

(it's not going well)

It is desperate, can you relate?

Can you please, please relate?

(I'm not holding up)

I am trapped, I'm stuck here on this bathroom floor

And I don't have much more hope or pride

No air, no food, but I'm sure that I'm still alive

Just open up your eyes, you dead ones