tootsie roll bitch

took my cat to the vet the other day and the vet goes “well I don’t see anything wrong here…. he’s just a VERY handsome boy” & i almost teared up

Diagnosed with handsome boy disease

Me after one alcohol

EAT YOUR HEART OUT TONYA HARDING

Fuck all customers except whoever left us an anonymous store review saying they drive by three other locations to come to ours because they’re bisexual and everyone who works here is hot

This is peak bisexual energy and the biggest fucking MOOD.

Sweet angel no

Can we all just appreciate the fact that this cutie just fell down the stairs but still immediately got up so excited like he just had a great time falling down the stairs? Like I want to handle bad things as well as this puppy does

Omg

men really be like “well this woman has studied this subject her whole life, and i am a man, so we have equal knowledge on this”

it’s ok you could have just said “i hate men”

okay, i hate men

Wow need to have more sex I tell you that

Sounds like the bussy wasn’t as popular as the name implied

fill your body with cranberries so the horse that kills you gets a sensual surprise when he begins to feed

i will give the  horse that kills me no such luxury

Fuck all romance except whatever the fuck that lil cowboy and roman guy from night at the museum had going on