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Knowing a fic author through AO3 is like attending someone’s thesis presentation and politely clapping at the end, knowing a fic author through this hellsite is like going over to their house at 3AM to watch them eat mayonnaise out of a jar

Sometimes I attend somebody’s thesis presentation and I’m so impressed that I follow them home to watch them eat mayonnaise out of a jar at 3am.

Sometimes I watch someone eat mayonnaise out of a jar at 3am with such fervour I am compelled to attend their thesis presentation

Sometimes I look at a thesis presentation and I go ‘I know exactly how much mayonnaise you had to eat out of the jar at 3 am to pull this shit off’

the first time shane & ilya spend ilya’s birthday together i think the vibe really is ‘saying all of my dog’s favorite words in the same sentence’ because shane wants to make sure its ilya’s best birthday ever & doesn’t know how to do anything by half . shanevoice ilya pay attention i have a plan (nooo hollanderrrrr i want to fuck you NOW is my birthday :((((( how could u be so cruel to me) ok we’re taking the ferrari to mcdonald’s for mcgriddles (ilya visibly perking up) you are allowed to go 125 km/h but only if the coast is clear (imaginary tail beginning to wag) & you have to slow down if you want road head . when we get home we are taking a pot gummy & going swimming & i am grilling for lunch (ilya, his eyes huge, in the apron i bought for you?) yes ilya in the meat daddy apron . then shower, nap, one beer, dinner at my parents’ house, home by 6, and then i’ll give you your birthday present 🙂 does that sound good ? ilya, crying, shane this is my best birthday ever (shanevoice ilya it’s 9 am we haven’t even done any of it yet) MY BEST BIRTHDAY EVER WITH MY BOYFRIEND WHO I LOVE . & after they fuck (because obviously that was the first thing on the agenda shane just likes when ilya whines & begs for it & ilya does too) shane is back-to-business rustling around the bedroom putting their clothes out & talking about nothing while ilya watches from the bed w the big dopey smile of a man enamored with the bus that just ran him over

Imagining Ilya on his birthday receiving flowers from Svetlana & a cake made by David & Yuna & a birthday video from the Pike children & texts from the entire Centaurs family & of course his husband treating him like a sweet perfect birthday prince. Imagining Ilya Rozanov feeling loved & at peace

Shout out to everyone who is just so tired So so exhausted So very very tired so very fatigued so sleepy and tired So

what's the matter honey? you've hardly touched your fleeting experience of time on earth

the duality of man is Ilya Rozanov being simultaneously so straight passing that Shane Hollander could own up to being in love with him and have people assume it's an unrequited crush, yet so visibly queer that in 66% of instances where Scott Hunter came out to people prior to the on-ice kiss, they immediately assumed he was dating Rozanov

schrodingers queer

shane is like. such a big boy. biceps the size of your head. thighs could crush a watermelon. strong round glutes. bursting out his shorts. big fat cock. etc

The thing is that he looks like he’s watching the moon landing. Like, Scott Hunter was an astronaut.