colored girl ntozake spoke of

I love people who are comfortable with ambiguity. Who enjoy letting a question perfume the air

Harpers speech a few episodes back about how her trauma traumatised her and didn’t make her stronger, versus Yasmin talking about metabolising her trauma and becoming the very thing that traumatised her…

Yasmin turning into her father is such a gut wrenching thing to watch. Seating Harper next to two nazis in some subconscious attempt to humiliate the girl she “loves”. Lying to Harper about Eric because she wants him to hate her and rely on her. Becoming a donor to alt-right figureheads because of the opportunity it affords for her to become important, regardless of actual people who will be harmed. Bringing girls of a dubious age into a party with said Nazis and alt-right figureheads because they “chose it” and the world is both/and exploitation and opportunity. Throwing Harper’s words back to her to validate her decision to have no morals at all. Her soul is completely corrupted, all because she wants to be “necessary”

it is easy to forget, when discussing writing as a challenging creative enterprise and skill, that the act of typing or physically writing words is itself a skill that undergirds it. it takes a lot of effort to develop unto itself, it requires ongoing practice to keep, it demands dexterity, focus, pacing of physical action that is coordinated ongoingly with mental attention, and it even requires you be careful about how you hold your body and breathe. if a person is really struggling to write (a student having a hard time with a paper, say, or a buddy totally blocked on a fiction project), it is easy to forget that the actual physical mechanics of writing or typing can be part of what is challenging

the day is gonna end anyway and your warm bed will be waiting so you might as well do the hard things and not let them ruin your day

this is unironically how I push myself to do everything I dread

YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU CAN HANDLE CRITIQUE. YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU CAN EMBRACE BEING TOLD YOU WERE WRONG. YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH UNPLEASANT TASKS. YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU CAN DELIVER DISAPPOINTING NEWS. YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU KNOW HOW TO BE DISAGREED WITH. YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU CAN BE CORRECTED. YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU CAN BE TOLD YOU MESSED UP. YOU ARE A REGULAR GUY. YOU ARE ABLE TO DO HARD THINGS.

hours after being bodysnatched by an alien virus, your hijacked body flies itself across the Atlantic ocean to be molded into the shape of a stranger's fantasy. your body approaches the stranger. the stranger screams at you. she hurts you. she sends you into cardiac arrest. eventually, when it suits her, she fucks you. she asks you about your real life; your mouth gives careful, palatable answers. mango ice cream. a former partner, their gender withheld. the wig on your head smells like her house. "you're mine," she says, eyes wild, and your body agrees. that's all it knows how to do anymore.

To my 25 - 35 year olds, you've reached the age where people around you are starting to give up on themselves because they think it's too late. Don't let that energy rub off on you. It's not too late.

people is me i am people ( i feaaaar )

don't infantilise yourself. you are not a child who needs an adult to make your decisions for you. you are a splendid and magnificent autocrat and you are consulting your trusted advisors. you are exercising great wisdom by inviting an expert to give their opinion before making your ruling. often the path of wisdom is to say "good morning, I'm trying to [perform task] and I have a question about [aspect], can you tell me who I should speak to for advice?" before you do it. sometimes the path of wisdom is to hire a plumber. there are times when you cannot do things for yourself but that doesn't mean you are not an adult. you don't need a grown-up. you need a specialist.