Dreamt I was shopping at a german health food store and the employees brought me to a little room to show me cctv footage of myself walking around the store to point out how dissociated I was and then told me I need to rub mustard seed oil on each of my joints
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u recently shared something about ending ur relationship n it's something i myself am having such a hard time grappling with. i have a bf right now who I've been with for 7 years n we both have such different drives for life, I being the one with more ambition i guess u could say. i love him but i feel stumped. im just confused if someone opposite of me is what i need/want. romantic relationships in general, sometimes i think maybe i feel this way because i might not want a romantic relationship but I am entirely unsure. some times it feels like i accidentally kinda just ended up here. i know only time will tell but i also feel like I can't just be waiting on time n im afraid of it all. i've been craving some reflection from someone on this matter, how did u go about drawing the conclusion that the relationship was no longer for u? i know it's unique experience/ process for everyone but I think i keep wanting to find solace somewhere lol
Let him free.
I’m still not sure if I made the right decision. I still doubt myself but I will say that he has told me multiple times that I have so much life behind my eyes recently. And after we decided to break up, my spiritual connection to my ancestry has surged with overwhelming momentum. And I have been hitting PRs in the gym regularly. I don’t believe in people being right or not right for each other at this time, I just believe in what is present. For me, I have a lot of energy and drive back. For you, it sounds like you are arguing with your intuition. I would have kept arguing with mine but he is ready to buy a house and start a family now, and I refuse to start a family on top of buried feelings. I tried to shut them out or twist them into something different, but all my time alone was taken over by this exhausting mental back and forth “should i stay or leave”. I just don’t want to carry that anymore and HELLO!! The biggest thing- He deserves someone who is ten toes down for him. I’ve been keeping him from his WIFE. So with love we decided to let it go
I dare you to say what is present for you to him. You don’t have to process it for him or cushion his experience of it. But he probably can feel it already. Don’t waste his time and don’t waste yours! It doesn’t have to end right away, but be brave and name what is present for the sake of your health. Shake things loose. Give yourself a fucking chance. You dont have to have all the answers and next steps figured out to name what is true
I feel that you're very wise in terms of the human body and form. I hope it's okay to ask for advice - I struggle with allowing myself to feel pleasure and have a hard time nurturing my body, especially when it comes to food. I want to feel desire instead of obligation and I'm not quite sure how to achieve that.
I believe that our body is inherently perfect and will recruit modulators such as different moods or conditions to help us be compatible with our environment. Not that you have to believe that to change, it’s just where I’m coming from. I recently made a few life changing decisions and have been receiving my desire and sensuality back in a crazy way. I was maintaining living conditions and dynamics that required me to diminish my inner fire in one area of life and it dampened me across the board. It wasn’t a flaw and it wasn’t something my mind could possibly bypass.
Is there a dynamic in your life that you need to shrink or dull yourself to maintain? Does desiring and having hunger threaten any structure you are part of? If you want to desire and you want hunger, your body is showing you that you are ready to expand past that thing. It feels like a miracle to be a hungry woman led by a large appetite for life! food! desire! sensuality! Also, if you can- I highly recommend laying in the sun. It is incredibly healing. And eat what is naturally available in your location/latitude
In sweat lodge last night I was sat in a row of 5 women all different ages all going through heartbreak right now. I watched broader gender dynamics and tensions playing out throughout the ceremony. It was like twins in a power struggle in the womb
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hii i was wondering if u had a full playlist or some recs of ur sage and palo santo playlist because i listened 2 them today THEYRE ALL SO GOOD!! ur blog is sick btw
Playlist · 43 Songs
This playlist and this song is on it too- Move for me GTA remix by kaskade and deadmau5
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I usually don’t care much for receiving massages but I’m craving new information, so I booked a session with a woman with her own practice and she’s an expert in certain modalities that I want to learn. I went for abdominal, chest, and craniosacral. It was gorgeous. She is gorgeous…. Usually people think of bodies as front and back, but I was interested in those transverse connections that run through my body. I was able to feel into and visualize the muscles in 3d space inside me. The way the diaphragm connects to the spine and psoas. We did diaphragm release, subscap release, pelvic diaphragm release. I left feeling like an amoeba. And then I jumped in the river
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