I love your big beautiful mind can i pay you for existing

Where I live there’s droughts and floods at the same time

I never forgot the way this one waiter poured water in my glass I think about it and reference it often. He just came to our table and didn’t say anything while filling our glasses really slowly he didn’t even look at us but his presence was so sensitive and severe that we stopped talking and we just watched each glass fill with water. And only after he set the carafe down he said something like, so what do we want to eat? He dgaf about us but also he was so present and gentle

I’m kind of miserable no not in a bad way it’s a very appropriate way it’s just that every positive experience I have lately is like a little droplet falling into a deep dark well and I am the bottom of the well and as the drop comes to me I’m like aw look :, ) and then the experience droplet dissolves into my usual darkness yeah it’s not quite awful just heavy. I feel like I previously had a light touch on human existence just skimming on top and now everything has weight and my attitude just keeps digging deeper grooves into the snow of my life. My groove(s)