Shears of AVALANCHE

Like. I remembered that he survived the Corel reactor collapsing in on him.

BUT BOY HOWDY I SURE FORGOT THE REASON HE HAD TO THROW THE TURK TO SAFETY WAS BECAUSE HE WAS TOO HURT TO GET ACROSS HIMSELF.

and the asshole goes ahead and survives that. oh, shears.

and i remembered that shinra murdered his parents and that he led the 100 bandits but i forgot that yes, the bandits did indeed raise him, that’s not a headcanon in the slightest.

and yes, i am right, he DOES punch the zirconiade materia so hard it fucking shatters, that’s a whole-ass thing, the backlash explosion does in fact kill him but…

does  it? does it really???

also, i forgot that he did that after Fuhito’s Final Form slashed him open so I guess theoretically he was dying but

was he, tho????

so anyway Shears is one of those shounen motherfuckers who wouldn’t die even if you killed him

c’mon bb, walk it off

“Oh look, carnage.”

“I found you beat half to death in a dumpster. When I said I would call 9-1-1 you punched me in the face and said no before passing out.”

“Holy shit you look terrible.”

“Can’t go to my place, I’m making poison in my kitchen.”

“This is the tenth half-eaten corpse I’ve seen. It’s still kinda horrifying but less horrifying than the first time I saw one.”

“Yeah, that’s right, go wander off and commit murder somewhere else.”

Everything about your life makes so much sense now.”

“I don’t know, that sounds like a ‘fuck off’ kind of growl.”

“There’s a girl snorting cocaine off the counter in the bathroom. Just thought you’d wanna know.”

“I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news: some of this blood is mine. The bad news: most of it is mine. And I’m going to pass out.”

“After the fight some dude catcalled me on the way home so I turned around and spat a bunch of blood at his feet. Never seen someone regret doing something so fast.”

“Is that a fucking dragon?”

“That is genuinely disturbing.”

“Don’t smile. You have the smile of a serial killer.”