Toska

“He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”

“Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”

“He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”

“It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”

That other post seems to be for people with money. But you don’t have money. So what do you actually need for your first apartment?

A bed. Not an air mattress. Not a blanket fort. Not a mattress pad with a fitted sheet over it. An actual bed. You’re going to try to avoid it, especially if you live in a city where bed bugs mean not buying a mattress from Craigslist. Beds cost money (unless you can take the one from your childhood bedroom, in which case, do that and use the couch when you visit home). But fuck it, you need one. If you’re desperate, you might go with a futon, but the futon you can afford will break with the quickness. You might also go with a mattress on the floor, which seems like a good idea until it suddenly seems really dirty, which is because mattresses need air flow to stay dry and sanitary. If you don’t have a box spring and don’t want to drop the $40 on a cheap bed frame, you can use these guys to build a platform, and if you find plastic drawers the same height, you can even build some storage in there.

A dresser. You will try to find a way around this. It will end up with your floor covered in clothes within a week. Just find a dresser on Craigslist or go to your local auction (a great place to find cheap furniture in general). And don’t buy a cheap dresser to build yourself from K-Mart or Wal-Mart, because it will break and it will likely be more expensive than a Craigslist/auction dresser anyway.

A TV. It doesn’t have to be new or huge or advanced. But you want a TV. Don’t try to skip the TV for something more trivial. You’ll regret that quick.

A couch. Specifically, an old, comfortable couch. One you don’t mind falling asleep on or letting guests sleep on. Don’t spend a lot of money. Couches will find you. Don’t overthink it. It’s your first apartment. Nobody expects you to have a perfectly curated adult home. Just get a comfy fucking couch. And if you get two, you can use cinder blocks to make stadium seating in your living room!

A table. You will ruin it, so get a shitty one. Learn your lessons on something cheap and disposable.

A full(ish) kitchen set. If these things don’t appear from your parents or your roommates’ parents, you need to buy a pot and pan set, silverware, a silverware organizer, at least one sharp knife (and let’s be honest, you’re gonna want a knife block and they’re only like $11), at least one mixing bowl, a colander, a cutting board, a couple of storage containers, plates, bowls, glasses, and mugs. You’ll figure out what else you need as you need it, based on your own kitchen habits. A lot of this can be picked up at the dollar store if you have one near you. And if you don’t bake often, disposable baking pans are your friend. 

Hand soap, dish soap, wash-your-ass soap. Nobody likes poor hygiene. You also need toothpaste and floss. And deodorant.

Flashlight and candles (nothing fancy). In case something goes wrong.

A plunger. In case something goes really wrong.

A toilet brush. Your momma probably never let the toilet form rings (or let you let that happen), so it might come as a shock how quickly and easily those shits form.

A shower curtain and liner. Or even just the liner. Don’t get the floor wet.

Sponges. You have no idea how many sponges you’ll need.

When buying used furniture: look in the cracks and under the edges for pin-sized brown/black spots. Bedbugs are tiny and they live in upholstery and any wood with enough crevices to allow it. You almost certainly won’t be able to see the bugs themselves, but they leave little spotted trails along seams and in places that don’t see a lot of light. You cannot get them out of furniture; it’s not worth the extreme measures it takes to do it.

Also, don’t forget laundry detergent and a rubbish bin and bin liners. Rubbish, laundry, and dirty dishes are 90% of the mess in a messy home and 99% of bad smells. Keep up with them and your home will always be at least clean-ish.

You should share this for people in DC and close to you!!