How To Deal with Grief Over Losing a Pregnancy
Although it is not widely known, about one in four confirmed pregnancies end in miscarriage. Pregnancy loss is a difficult but necessary topic to discuss. If you, or someone you know, experienced pregnancy loss, you know it is one of the hardest things that can happen. It is normal to feel shock, grief, depression, guilt, anger, and a sense of failure and vulnerability when you lose a pregnancy.
The days following your pregnancy loss are incredibly painful and sad. It does not matter whether this is the first, second, or tenth pregnancy. It is always difficult.
Many women who went through a recent pregnancy loss find it extremely difficult to communicate it to family and friends. Often it is a feeling of guilt, of failure, that paralyzes and increases the fear.
While I do not intend to tell you what to do, and every person is different, I have a few suggestions that have helped other women and family members:
Some mothers who lose their pregnancy are able to move through this loss freely, while others feel deep despair at this loss. There are no “shoulds” in this. There is no right way to feel. If you feel strong and grounded and ready to move forward after a miscarriage that is totally valid. If you feel deep loss and grief then that, too, is appropriate. No one can tell you how you should feel, except you.
What happened is not your fault! It can happen to anybody. Most likely it was not the food you ate, the medication you took, or whatever you did. Most pregnancy losses have no known cause and even the world’s top medical experts would not be able to tell you why it happened.
You need time to heal. Grieving is normal and you have the right to be sad. Even if it feels like your sadness will never heal, it will. Many women who lose their babies become suddenly afraid of losing everything else, be it their sanity, other relationships important to them, their faith in the world, or any hope for the future. Many, many women who go through this loss feel a deep need to grab onto other things in their life for fear of losing those, too. If this is happening to you, let those close to you know.
Some moms find it useful to keep a journal. Writing down your thoughts and feelings might be an effective outlet for your pain. You might also write letters, notes or poems to the baby or about the baby.
Take time off from work, even if you feel physically fine. Taking a break from your regular routine will help you emotionally.
