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imagine being at a class reunion like, yeah remember hot tom? i heard he made all of his friends get ugly matching skull tattoos and call him a really ugly french name and also I heard his nose is gone. weird.

“Fuckin cat thinks I’m a fuckin chew toy. Fuckin humans puttin me in a fuckin box with a fuckin carrot like its gonna make this WHOLE SITUATION SO MUCH FUCKIN BETTER! DO I LOOK LIKE BUGS BUNNY TO YOU, FUCKER?!?”

do rude people know they’re rude

Do you want to know what’s a strange feeling? Having a platonic crush on someone. You go through all the same crap as with a romantic crush, trying to impress them, not wanting to seem over eager, wanting to talk to them all the time. The only difference is, instead of wanting to kiss them until they can’t breathe, you want to rent all of the movies with them and have a sleep over. It’s rather disconcerting.

i love that charles dickens got paid by the word. like i cant even be mad when he’s boring and long-winded bc i would do xactly the same??? i wouldnt use contractions or colours at all. want to say the word red? too bad. we r now only using “the colour of freshly-spilled blood on snow; the hue of the horizon when the sun sets over the deserts of sub-saharan Africa” BOOM guess who can afford 2 eat now: me and my boi dickens 

a worm hole?

You know he typing trying to think of a sly response but aint gonna find one

So Jewish girls, Islamic girls and hispanic girls get made fun of for having thick eyebrows their entire life, but when a white girl draws on eyebrows to look thicker it’s, “#eyebrows on fleek!”? So black and Latina girls get made fun of for having big lips their entire life, but when a white girl draws on to look really big it’s, “gorgeouss and inspiring”? So black girls get made fun of for having braids or dreadlocks their entire life, but when a white girl does it’s, “just a style and they can do what they want with their hair”? So Islamic girls get made fun of for wearing bindis/henna/hijabs, but when a white girl does it’s, “totes coachella”? So Native American people get mocked for their ancestors wearing headdresses or feathers, but when a white girl does it’s, “artsy and cute”? Does anybody else notice a pattern??