Shannon C Swift

I may not be the most consistent person in the world, but I do enjoy knowing I have an outlet to express my post grad thoughts.

That being said, today I want to talk about tattoos.

I had always wanted a tattoo. It had been the coolest future possibility to me in high school. I knew that my first one had to be meaningful - at that point in time I still thought that the art on my body needed to be justified. So, of course, honoring my late grampa Jerry was the first and most thought about tattoo. My friends walked me over to the tattoo parlor and we made a night of it (side note: don’t bring a gaggle of friends. It’s rude and my lesson was learned!). I adored it. But I also kept it hidden from my family. They never wanted me to ink my body, so I simply never said anything. I was an adult.

It took a few years of pining but I finally got a second one after I graduated. My bff and I are tied for life with sort of matching tattoos. And I am totally okay with it. It’s something that can be changed with the slightest bit of ink if I ever need to. I’m not worried about it though. I was ecstatic with the turnout.

My third tattoo is in a very visible place. Sailor Moon has been a huge influence on my life and something that I wish I could decorate my life with while looking professional. So, I got a nice little moon on my middle finger. I adore it. The simplicity is everything I’ve ever needed and it is nice to be able to see it 24/7. I am terrified, though, of my family’s reaction.

The reason I feel a need and want to talk about tattoos and dancing may be because I feel a small need to justify myself. In a profession where the body is the instrument and always visible, tattoos can be taboo. Yet, more and more artists have them. I personally believe that as long as you can cover it with some makeup or a flesh toned band aid, it's alright. I’m not sure my parents will ever see it that way but I couldn’t be happier knowing that the things I love are apart of me without needing a material object.

It’s shocking how close a group of people can be when they see each other for at least two hours every day. You seem to know next to everything about them. And thats how I felt about my graduating class in the program.

Now that I’m back at home and I’m not keeping in touch religiously, it’s made me realize that I may not have that many friends. I feel incredibly lonely and long for some good platonic love. It’s a frustrating feeling knowing that those people you considered friends aren’t purposely excluding you, especially since the activity that once brought you together is now an independent project, but it’s very real.

I guess I’m asking and wondering about how to make friends after graduating outside of those work people that you sort of know. I have a few close friends but due to distance in many ways, I feel very closed off and unable to put myself out there. I unfortunately and often feel as though those that are in my field are my competition and struggle to grow closer. I’m also just plain shy.

There is such an interesting mental barrier that I know I’m not the only one to experience. Networking is such a huge part of the performance world, but can and should I turn those experiences into friendships? Is that even possible? Of course, that first step, networking, requires overcoming the shyness that may also take form in ‘not wanting to be a bother’ or ‘maybe next time when they aren’t busy’.

It’s all very confusing and sometimes upsetting. Part of the issue is that I need to reach out to people. It’s very likely that I seem closed off. But there’s something stopping me from taking that step. It might be I’m not exactly where I wanted to be or that I really don’t want to bother them. Baby steps though. Baby steps. We’ll all get that group of friends going eventually. I’m sure of it.

I was cleaning out my closet the other day, (cause I’m now 23 and I need to accept that my high school clothes no longer work or fit me) and realized just how dang similar closets are to life. It’s weird.

A closet is a constant. Most people have one. In order to find all of the clothes you might need in a week or a month, the closet needs to be organized. But you also constantly add and take away from it so it needs to be reorganized again and again and again. Worked on almost daily.

Life is constant. Circumstances are always changing. Sure, you can have a daily ritual and habits and a schedule, but it can’t be the exact same each day in those minor details. Life needs to be constantly reorganized and worked on because each day is new.

It’s frustrating. Humans are creatures of habit. I am most certainly. But new things are added each day, good and bad so life can be reorganized. It’s simply up to you to work it out. But if the closet is too crazy, asking for help is okay. I’ve been asking everyone I know for help. I have to. Like I said, I literally turned 23 less than two weeks ago. I’m pretty much still a baby when it comes to being an adult and I DO need help with reorganizing. I did some decent reorganizing with my nutrition and sleep intake, and I am always working on keeping my closet nice and healthy. I’ve been taking out things (lots of those extra sugars) and making decisions to add things (a future post!).

I still have my super disorganized periods (those gosh darn mental health lows!). When I ask for help or change something, I usually come out on my own type of top.

I graduated 5 months ago as of October, today, for me. I took a large break. It was all things necessary, infuriating, lethargic, scary and stressful. It feels like time has moved so quickly because at one point so much was happening but the reality is that it’s only been 5 months.

What have I done since?

I stayed in my college town to work. I barely moved as a dancer. It was boring but also simple and a neutral period. Then I traveled and thought I was auditioning, but there was a lack of communication on my part. While it didn’t screw me over, it set me back. I can’t feel bad about it; it was a learning curve, but I had to allow myself some time to mourn a lost opportunity. I moved home. I found work. Eventually.

I’m not dancing as a ‘professional’ right now. But I am fully qualified to educate the children of the future in dance and movement and finding their artistic expression. I’ve come a long way in my ability to teach and my confidence in doing so. It’s getting easier, better. But I know that it’s not the only place I want in the dance community.

There are a LOT of moments where I still feel like I’ve failed as an artist with a degree. I’ve been told many people can feel that way for a while, but I need to talk about it. I want those that look to me for work or future endeavors to know that YES, I struggled, specifically with mental health. Let’s be very honest about it. It’s getting better. I’m on anti-anxiety meds. I sometimes cry to my significant other. There are so many ups and downs and sideways. Maybe this blog will help?

I want to get back into the personal research. What is my journey? What is it looking like? I think that it will be an effective way to help future artists realize that everybody is still figuring it out, and it’s real. The process has been written and analysed by someone.

I still feel lost. Let’s be clear. I’m barely physically moving outside of teaching my classes. It isn’t healthy but its been part of the coping. I’m working on it ladies and gents. Let's be real.

The final parts of my capstone are coming to a close. This past weekend we opened and closed Ocular Occurrence our spring choreography projects that was the formal presentation of the creative fruits of my capstone. I presented a QR code to this blog as well as the two solo works. I don’t know how effective that choice was, but I like to think I’m covering all my boundaries.

I am so thankful for the chances I have for performance. The chance to be a central figure in new works is always exciting, and I was especially excited to work with Susan and find confidence with my own work.

I put some of those pre-performance rituals I looked up a while back to the test. My personal favorite was the pre-show 20-minute power nap with a cup of coffee. I love sleeping, especially during a somewhat stressful time where I tend to suffer from stress nightmares. This is a somewhat new occurrence as I have slowly but surely overcome most of the anxiety that hinders sleep.

Having recorded almost every rehearsal, I felt confident that what I was physically doing was exactly as I had pictured. I knew where to pick up the pieces and how to do so if I fell apart. Thankfully, during these runs, I never really ‘flubbed’ a performance opportunity.

I feel confident that this was a successful personal research project into my own performance practices and look forward to exploring (always!) as I finish the semester and the final two performances of my collegiate career. Moving forward, I will be updating this blog to be more of an experience and creative outlet for my professional dance career. Thank you all for looking into this as I’ve researched as many aspects as possible while I journey through my final semester.

I really struggled to write this. Now that I’ve made the decision to keep working, it is slightly easier. I’m certainly experiencing a post-concert depression of sorts. Life keeps moving though.

During the school’s spring break, I had time to sit around and relax and take an actual break. The reality is, I worked, I took class, I stressed, slept and auditioned. I got some news from the doctor that I am very neutral about – I have benign vertigo that I’m going to need to just deal with and work around as I catapult my professional career and end my university education. My self-confidence in my ability to be a professional took a bit of a hit. The end of the break was purely auditions, so it was bad timing. The first audition I have no feelings about; if they hire me, great! If not, I can move on peacefully. The next audition however has given me a large ego boost that I desperately needed as I start to think about the future. I made it through several cuts and was there until the audition was officially over. I felt very interested in the company and, not to boast, but I felt they were interested in me. All this to say that confidence is something I struggle with and something I’d like to look at building as I move into the process of performing my work and putting myself out into the world.

That brings us to building confidence in yourself in totality as I move into performance week. I’m terrified! But a quote that I pulled from an article that I’ll be referencing to for most of this post is as such; ‘confidence in myself and my abilities would make me successful, not success making me confident,’ (La Rae Quy). I’m going to strive to remember this as I finish this capstone and perform my work. As for my questions for this blog, I’m asking myself if I am positively working towards better self confidence in reference to the article.

There are seven steps that Quy offers as ways to develop self-confidence. The first is to expose yourself to different situations and push through uncomfortable moments. I’m currently doing this as I put myself in a setting of showing my work and doing so solo wise. The second step is to not confuse your memory with facts. The memory is riddled with inconsistencies because it is exposed with irrationalities and emotions. That is why I’ve really wanted to push journaling and blogging as a habit, so I can compare my memories to a day by day account. It may help with future anxiety issues and fear of rejection.

The third step is to talk to yourself and make things a challenge, not a problem. I love this, for the most part. I think this depends on the type of person you are. The fourth step is to think positive thoughts. A 5:1 ratio of positive to negative is said to begin the habit changing process. Step five is to raise curiosity levels so that the self and mind continues to grow and respond to things as an adventure. Step six is overcoming the self-doubt ‘victim’ mentality because no one but yourself is stopping your confidence from growing.

Facing your fears is step seven. It’s easier said than done. Involving breath and getting closer to the source of the issue changes the interactions with the fear overall. I like to think I’m working things out like this currently.

This will all help me as the artistic world is a vulnerable and scary place. I know that I like have validation, but that won’t always be possible. I need to remember that success is how I feel, not my achievements.

 https://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html

Last week my advisor and I discussed failure. I hate failing. I have a great fear of being a failure. And of rejection. This entire process has left me feeling incredibly vulnerable creatively and emotionally. While I’m not stressed, I still fear people disliking my work. During our meeting this week, she asked me what happens when I dislike something. Nothing happens. This was so important for me to realize! Nothing tangible will happen if a piece is disliked. I would still applaud and praise the artist for putting out work. I believe this is something I need to remember as I begin the final process of editing and having other eyes on the work.

This week though, I really want to discuss failure. Failing.

What does it mean? I would say that it means to not succeed. To have an idea rejected in totality.

But isn’t success a personal idea, and not something tangible? They are concepts that can’t be held, and ideas that humans have created to make others feel something, or a scale of value. It’s fascinating how value works. I can of course say that these things shouldn’t be something an artist relies on, but that would be hypocritical as I seem to depend on these concepts for my sanity. Despite the reiteration in choreography classes, I still tend to define my personal work as a failure or success depending on my own reaction after presenting. But that isn’t necessary to do.

I’ve noticed in my research overall, failing is an important part of the creation process. To succeed is to find failure at some point. But why do we have such a terrible connotation on the word ‘failure’? If it is meant to help strengthen possibilities of success, why does it feel so shameful?

Why does it feel shameful? It’s because it’s all emotional. Humans often blow things out of proportion in the moment and struggle to move past things. A topic or concept may not have gotten the reaction originally wanted; this MUST mean that it was terrible. The reality is, it may have been misunderstood or needed some more thought.

I’m really invested in an idea from Jesse Sussman on his post about failure. ‘Failure is data.’ So long as an experiment is occurring, each ‘failure’ is knowledge gained for the next possible outcome. While I feel this is something I knew, I know I haven’t seen it this way for many years. He mentions how school sets us all up for failure. We are punished for not ‘succeeding’ in objective topics by setting grade standards and societal expectations for further academics. I was your typical A and B student who worked hard to ensure I never received anything below a B-. I wonder if this is where my fear of failure begins.

There is no ‘right time’ to attempt a task. I need to remember that failure is only perceived by my own emotions, and maybe so long as I try with courage and gusto, it isn’t a failure but a happy mistake (Bob Ross) that I can utilize in the future.

How does this come into my process? I really struggle with showing people my work for fear of rejection or dislike, which would mean it failed. Or it the point didn’t come across if I’m focusing on a theme. But that means I can utilize their opinion and look into my work, not just scrap it all and start over. If I fail to move a certain way or to complete a work, that simply means it needs more practice. The goal this week is to have people look at my work. I’ll consider that a success. The only failure that can come out of this is that it needs more attention, not that my work is horrible.

Over the past week I’ve noticed that I’m not stressed about dancing. By this point in a rehearsal process, I’m beginning to have nightmares from the stress. Those occurrences are incredibly frustrating as I don’t sleep well in general and this disrupts my nights even more. For once though, I’m finding that I’m not worried about what I’ll be doing in the last three months of my senior year, performance wise. It’s a fascinating feeling, and I am waiting for the ball to drop. I do know that I need to move past that feeling, and it is a work in progress as I form these practices to feel confident in my future performances.

How am I doing this? I’ve made lots of lists. Lots of trackers. I’m not holding myself to them but I am making a habit of at least thinking of them as I prepare for bed and if my materials are right at hand, I’m more than willing to jot something down to help out with my stress.

I’ve been taking things nice and slow. It’s been nice having the resources to take it this slow. I’ve made sure to do some nice planks and pliés each time I approach the studio for creation (warming up). I strive to create a list of goals to accomplish each time. But if don’t create a list, I recognize that it isn’t the end of the world (I’m not perfect, and this is MY time, not someone else’s). I prefer a moment of silence before I run any work that I’ve been given this semester. I find I’m much more focused in doing this.

A lot of my issues stem from confidence. The line between humble and arrogant is a line I’ve toed for years. I feel confident that I can do most things related to dance, and I have some decent ability. But saying this, I also worry I’m thinking far too highly of myself. I also worry people won’t be interested in my work that I create and that it isn’t worth putting forth for people to see. To pile on another struggle is that I worry presenting my work on my own body will look odd, or not right. I’m learning that this isn’t the case, but it’s still something I struggle with as I work. The other day, I recorded the same movement four times because it wasn’t quite right. I gave in only after I had fallen over in the last video because of a lack of stamina. I’m working to move past this each time I record my rehearsal and it’s getting better.

Is the recording beneficial? It is so so so helpful. I still don’t enjoy watching myself but I’m finding a lot of material to work with and work on. Especially in my rehearsals with Susan. Details are super important and fine tuning them after working on the general work on my own has been helpful.

Overall though, this brings me to the performance itself. I refuse to re-watch videos of myself performing. I’m often dissatisfied with my performance and I believe this stems from worry of not being strong enough. I think I stress to the point of exhaustion that I’m not doing enough to have a successful performance. This made me want to look into what I might consider doing the day of. A warm up is necessary, of course. Quincy Cundiff-Kopplin wrote an article for Dance Magazine suggesting the benefits of a power nap, and the types of nap to consider before a show and after a day of rehearsals. Especially since I tend to a bit sleep deprived, I think this might really benefit my focus and work. I’d have to try it before-hand though and might try to do this during some of our short runs and with future rehearsals.

What is the importance of all of this? In a previous post I noted that I enjoy validation, and almost need it. It was cathartic to write all of these feelings out and recognize why I may or may not be feeling stressed. It’s also something to consider as I move forward in creating a performance practice.

I am three weeks into the process of creating and working on this capstone. It has been filled with numerous unproductive days in the studio despite having an idea of what I should be doing. I know that I need to work but something is holding me back. There have been small developments, but not a lot. I’ve been curious about how to push myself in the right direction during my time that I desperately wanted for this project.

Alice Blumenfeld wrote an article with 9 steps to being productive in the studio. I think I’ve always known that setting a goal for the time I have has been a priority, but it’s something I’ve always struggled to set. I’ve noticed that having a concrete goal, such as ’45 minutes of video of improv’ has really fueled a lot more productivity and time usage. Taking time to warm seems boring-but it is helpful to focus. I like to put on some ambience or some major workout jams, there is no in between, to get started. I need to remember to work slowly; this is my time and allow myself to take time for each thing, one step at a time.  I record myself as much as I can. I recently found all of the parts to my camera tripod and look forward to experimenting with having a large amount of rehearsal footage.

How have I stayed productive?

Only during the past week have I found a flow that I feel is productive. Mentioned above, I use recordings and work to focus beforehand. I also use a journal to keep track of the process and productivity, if a little sporadically. I think keeping in mind that I can push myself and work slowly will help creativity over the next few weeks as I create.

Journaling is difficult for me. It may be one of the best ways to stay productive, but the practice is difficult to stick with. Having this capstone blog has really helped the process of journaling, but I want to be more reflective overall. Kirsten Pilz runs a blog on writing and wrote a blog in 2017 titled ‘How to start a regular journaling practice’. When I came across it, I realized that this was exactly what I needed. Maybe. She has several tips, first and foremost deciding if a pen or keyboard is most beneficial to you. I prefer having a pen but editing with keyboard for these blogs is incredibly helpful and much faster. I really liked the idea of having a dedicated space and little ceremony to journaling. This would really create a habit. I have to remember that not each journal has to be deep and meaningful; it can be a documentation of action or step, a simple brain dump.

I really think journaling and improvisation are closely related. Both are helpful for the creation of an art, and a place to start. Having a space for each, a time limit and prompts are key aspects to starting and ways to work the stream of consciousness to interesting places that can become amazing works.

Do I Journal?

I do journal, in a way. I’m working on that daily practice; I’ve noticed though that forcing myself isn’t helpful, and letting the words flow when I feel like it works best post rehearsal and working through movement. I like to think of this blog as a form of journaling, and a very helpful way to find that practice that would help me in the future.

How does this relate?

I need reminders. I love reminders. Reading through these articles and posts are comforting to me. Having personal thoughts confirmed as solid ideas for practice makes me feel valid. I would love to stop looking for validation, but when it comes to academic processes and progress, I need these stepping stones of articles.

https://www.writeyourjourney.com/regular-journaling-practice/

Perfection. That has always been my goal when I’m dancing. The perfectionist view-point has created a lot of personal pressure that doesn’t help my overall work and performance. This, combined with severe anxiety, has resulted in mid-rehearsal breakdowns and constant frustrations. I’ve been so worried about failing, even the smallest bit, that I didn’t realize just how bad that was for me. I didn’t need to worry so much because I am as great as I can be at the present and nitpicking the flaws will only create unnecessary stress. The article I focused on this week is written by Ashley Rivers and is a compilation of answers from professional dancers and how they move on from slip ups onstage, something that I worry about greatly.

France Chiaverini discussed how the idea of perfection enhances the idea of failure, when, in reality, dance has no right or wrong! We practice a subjective art form and nobody will feel the same about what you do onstage. This really stuck out to me; I worry about failing all the time and it often prevents me from doing something new and leaves me incredibly vulnerable.  Other performers in the article were adamant that dwelling on a mistake is something to avoid. The idea is to allow yourself to mourn the memory, can be a day, can be five minutes, and to leave it in the past. It’s a new day and a new audience. I’ve written all of these quotes down where I can see them daily to remind myself that I need to let go.

Who should I be talking to about this?

It was recommended by another professional in the article to actually discuss these memories and issues with other non-performers. I feel as though this is an incredibly important thing to do. This would mean focusing on yourself in the art, and having an outside point of view.

Part of the issue with embarrassing moments and mistakes that I have recently equated to failure, is the possibility of the memory popping up at any moment and being forced to relive the feelings over and over again. So, I did some research. According to the article,” How to Survive a Cringe Attack”, written by Melissa Dahl, research says that these memories are likely to pop up when the brain and body are relaxed and in the midst of a monotonous task. The best way to move on from these experiences that ‘pop up’ is to talk about it. Focusing on the unemotional aspects of the memory will help with the overall emotion of the memory. This boils down to the idea of ‘Self-indifference’. Dahl describes this as understanding that ‘you are not a big deal’. While not the most positive way to think of yourself, it certainly helps with the feeling as though the entire world is judging you based on one mistake you made. It is another word or way of saying humility. Taking care of yourself and also being aware of others.

Do I suffer from cringe attacks? Is it normal?

I suffer from lots of cringe attacks. Both memories of dance and in normal life. It’s awful and leaves me with a bright red face as I write this down. I think it’s very normal if you’ve been able to live a full and developed childhood. Kids are hilarious and always learning, learning things that we know now. If I didn’t struggle, I wouldn’t know what to not say or do sometimes. But I have started looking at them from a non-emotional perspective and feel less anxious about it all.

To re-center this back to the idea of moving away from perfectionism, Isabella Boylston reminded us that self-criticizing means to not be in the moment and forgetting you are not a machine. I like to think of this as being self-indifferent. Staying in the present is a key aspect of performing arts, and since performers are human, they are likely to make mistakes. I am likely to ‘fail’. I’ll allow myself to mourn. I’ll move on. This is something I’ve already had to put into practice as we move on with an ensemble piece that we learned in four days. How could I expect myself to be perfect? I’ve started the process of moving on from feeling as though I’ve failed because it isn’t worth it, nor helpful to the future runs. I’ve started taking a moment of silence for myself each time. There is a difference when I don’t. I forget to keep moving forward.

How does this all relate to you?

This means that I’m working toward finding the practices that I need to feel confident onstage and for myself as an artist overall.

https://www.dancemagazine.com/when_onstage_nightmares_come_true-2306949512.html

Experts Talk Mental Health: Four Therapists Sound Off [Kathleen McGuire]

According to a survey Dance Magazine conducted, 81% of dancers believe the dance community is not doing enough about the mental health of its members. McGuire held an interview between four therapists who have worked with dance companies or are currently doing so. The questions cover the surface of mental health in the dance community and are opinion-based.

There are several challenges in addressing mental health in the community, the main issue being how young dancers often begin training to be successful. Each therapist was of the opinion that this is a unique challenge that seems to pile onto the struggle of being a success.

Young dancers (adolescents) are very likely to be struggling with mental health issues, especially. Not only are they going through the stress of puberty and growing up, but the perfectionist ideals are instilled and take root before they have had a chance to grow into themselves. While Dr. Nadine Kaslow understands these issues, for other young dancers, dance itself is said to help them as they work through anxiety and depression. Overall though, dancers are very likely to struggle with depression, anxiety, anorexia and other forms of mental illness because there is more pressure overall and less outlets (people, journaling, movement, etc..) for them to use. As someone who has struggles very similar to those previously listed that can be traced back to adolescent days in dance, how could this be prevented? Is it possible to prevent mental illness in general?

My recommended solution is to begin discussion around the age of eight or nine in the studio. This is when dancers begin seriously learning about the history and context of movement and the possibility of serious work is being discussed. I don’t believe there was a discussion about being healthy until a summer intensive when I was in high school. This isn’t a comment on my previous studio; merely a comment on the fact that it isn’t talked about enough and should be a common topic overall.

An interesting discussion brought up by McGuire was the possible resistance from dancers. I noted that accessibility was an important factor in how much the therapists were utilized. In smaller studios, it would not be possible to have an onsite therapist, but it is possible to discuss people and where to go. Larger institutions and companies should begin to utilize these doctors as much as they utilize physical therapists and other trainers. It was noted that dancers are very likely to go to their ‘teacher’ figures, or those that help them physically, with their mental health issues. The more open dancers were about seeing someone, the more others in the community felt comfortable enough to do so as well. With that in mind, should it be mandatory that dancers go to see a mental health expert at least once during their career? Or once a year? How can the stigma change to it being okay to seek help from those that have expertise?

Honestly, if an institution can afford it, it would be best for dancers to go in for a mental check every once in a while. Some things can manifest silently and then suddenly become a career ending issue. Overall, this might change the way people see getting help.

I have had to get help. I have severe anxiety and I’ve noticed a difference in my performance and movement quality from the moment I sought help. It’s easy to forget that dancers need to be open with each other about their struggles, which may be why this is relevant to my performance practice. I have anxiety and I do seek help. It’s mainly stress exercises and thought centering with a little medication, but it does help.

Dancing with risk: risk taking as a performance practice in contemporary dance [A theses by Gemma Dawkins]

Gemma tackles the concept of risk in contemporary dance and the affects of it on all those involved in the dance world. Her definition of risk (the purpose is to provide a thrill or potential for failure) sets boundaries to define risks taken. It is noted that risk in moderation can be beneficial for dancers and choreography, but is inconclusive as to the overall affects on those involved. 

Authenticity and investment were concepts that were repeated often in this theses by several professionals. For me, this made me wonder about my past experiences with these words brought up in rehearsals and what was meant. Just recently in acting we discussed the use of physical scores to complete an action/feeling in place of bringing up the emotions on a daily basis. How are dancers meant to stay authentic in the movement if the investment requires so much stress emotionally and done on a daily basis or practice?

I have a feeling this question may not be answered fully. I’ve always thought that art is really a personal investigation and finding the authenticity can happen in many ways. I don’t believe that each moment rehearsing a work needs to be filled and riddled with full emotion, but it is an idea to explore when creating. Onstage, I believe the distance from the audience and overall intimacy play a large part in how invested a person can be. And it may simply be investing in the music or score rather than the overall risk of emotions.

Since a happy medium of risk is suggested for authenticity for both audience and performer (and choreographer), but avoiding safe and known dance practices is an important idea, how is a happy medium found? Not all dancers have the time or the resources to learn and understand where the happy medium is, and it can be difficult especially as happy mediums are unique to each person. This makes me wonder even further, can every person be pleased when it comes to ‘risk’ content?

A happy medium can be found through experience. For those that don’t have the time or resources, maybe that is part of the risk and must be worked with. I don’t believe any audience, performer or choreographer is ever fully pleased with what is presented to them. Risk seems to be formed from looking for satisfaction of some sort, and is unique to each party.

I adore this theses and I believe it will take me several more readings to fully understand all of it even with a mass amount of note taking. But the real question is how this reading relates to my capstone work!

I am an anxious person. It often hinders me in the process of taking risks both in rehearsal and onstage. While this theses may not help me physically, it is calming to know that risk taking is still a debated and hot subjected in the performing arts universe. Risk can be something that is or something that is taken and it is a personal choice even if critics disagree. This paper has encouraged me to consider the risks I will be taking in rehearsals, both with the choreographer and personally.