The dumbest bitch! me!

meanwhile every time a refined old crooner mentions a woman's "charms" you can basically imagine that "sexyback" by Justin Timberlake just started playing in the background.

"someone to hold in my arms/and know the magic of her charms" yeah sure mister bobby darin that sounds like a wholesome retro activity

reason 1 million why i love zukka: how extra insane it makes hakoda's family tree

“Look Simon! Aren’t they neat?”

HI????

I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR AU, I NEVER WOULD'VE EXPECTED THIS SBFSKNKSNDJSNSSK

Buying a car

(Child I'm escorting off-site): Seemed like you'd give me less shit

Me: I mean. You haven't really done much worth giving you shit over, honestly.

Kid: So what about this? [pulls a bottle of fireball out of their cargo pocket]

Me: Jesus Christ

Me: Where did you get that?

Kid: [shrugs, puts it back in their jorts]

Me: ...

Me: I heard that stuff tastes like shit

The kid was picked up by an ambulance 30 minutes later.

Now as an adult working in security I get SO MANY folks- upper-middle aged mostly- coming to me to 'rat out' people they think are faking it.

I was once sent into a bathroom because a client demanded that the "fucker won't get out, so go drag them out"- I was NEVER going to do that, so I did a wellness check instead. You know who it was? A person recently released from the hospital after a car accident. They had a hole in their skull and major hearing loss. They couldn't answer the owner because they couldn't HEAR the owner.

Another time about a homeless man who got around town by kicking the ground from his wheelchair. "You know he doesn't actually need that thing, his legs work fine, it's just for pity points"- Oh, so he's not paralyzed, his wheelchair is performative? Funny story Dale, I actually know that guy, he was backed over by a truck and has chronic pain from his shattered pelvis. But sure, let's make him stand up and walk everywhere so nobody feels too bad for him and tries to help him or something.

"She doesn't need that scooter, I've seen her get out of it."

"Look how fat he is, because he just rides around and refuses to get up."

"She doesn't really need that cane- she comes here without it all the time"

Original post by @/Min_tramcam on X/Twitter