for dumping thoughts

or this sudden hate train on hudson williams? find him annoying, criticize him as you want, but sitting there and acting as if there is not racial aspect to the hate he recieves is either naive or bigoted. calling him ugly and then moving to praise the sex appeal of a different white actor. calling him unclassy, barbaric, every single word in the book to say he's so uncivilized compared to his white costars. that he should sit down and behave.

all of that being the tip of the ice berg of the shit i've seen.

but people love to play dumb. they love to say "i didnt even know they were asian" or "theyre white passing" (or "well theyre half white anyway") in a way to completely invalidate the racism they recieve. love to act like that NO, theyre not asian AT ALL, so obviously they never recieved any racist comments, are never targetted specifically for their asian heritages, or that people don't weaponize racism to attack them. when they do. all the damn time.

and it never fucking changes, not even a little bit.

its so tiring, it really is. i'm a big fan of olivia rodrigo's music and she's shown such incredible pride in her filipino roots when she came to manila you could feel it across the stadium. even having all its profits go to a non profit charity that supports filipino women. it gives ME pride seeing her so proud

and i havent even seen heated rivalry (and frankly won't for a long while. its not at all my taste and thats ok) but its so upsetting that people are furious an asian man is getting successful, finding almost any reason to criticize him where it stops being in good faith, it's just another way to bring an asian person down.

one thing i haven't really seen much talked about much as a whole (tho it could just be because i havent been in the right places) is how the movie definitely infers that gwi ma is jinu's (and all of the demons) abuser. mentally. he continously tortures jinu with his own guilt and shame, butters jinu up when jinu begins to show doubt, reminds jinu of his own selfishness despite how much self hatred it manifests in jinu, and of course when jinu tries to 'free' himself from gwi ma, he comes in to remind jinu how jinu CANNOT escape him at all. i know these are very standard villain things, but its meant to be a darker mirror to the way celine's misguided love had made self hatred manifest in rumi, and how gwi ma continously feeds that self hatred into jinu.

now, this ofc doesnt absolve jinu of his actions and betrayal of rumi NOR the suggestion to make a boyband to steal the fans from huntrix in the first place as those were still his own choices. but it absolutely represents a lot about how abusers remind you of your worst qualities to keep you dependant on them. hell the whole reason jinu wanted to start a boy band to steal the fans is to win gwi ma's favor and be free of the memories that gwi ma constantly assaults him with to keep him in check. it's a very vicious cycle.

gwi ma i know is meant to represent doubt, insecurities, mental illness (?) that's more internal for us, the viewers, but within the movie he acts the way an abuser would. from the moment jinu is introduced to us, gwi ma reminds him "he doesn't do anything that doesn't help himself".

and it's the fact that we know that that isn't true the moment jinu covers up rumi's marks in the bathhouse, an action that absolutely doesn't help anyone BUT rumi. an action that's inherently kind and could have been set up as a part of jinu's plan, but we see later he contemplates over his own choice because it was genuine. he could have let rumi deal with the fall out of huntrix seeing her marks by herself, but he didn't. and then he continues this by reaching out towards rumi and helping her understand demons are not as horrible as she's been raised to believe.

jinu is very much capable of kindness— but gwi ma can't let him know that, nor else his manipulation can't work anymore, much like many abusers always try to drill into your head you have no good qualities without them, that you NEED them. and of course, you aren't DESERVING of anything better, something jinu was slowly starting to accept for himself when he continously bonded with rumi and let her open his heart up and even accept her plan (which was abad plan since it was more suppression of their traumas but this isnt about that lmao). and of course jinu— whos lived under that guilt for 400 years, believes him and betrays rumi.

"your idol" is such a fascinating song, as its definitely more of gwi ma's villain song with the saja boys as the messengers, much of the song definitely comes from both his and jinu's perspectives. i've seen people say that "i'm the only one who loves your sins" parallels jinu's "im the only one who can understand" to rumi— and they're correct! it does! but it doesnt mean jinu was manipulating or trying to get rumi to rely on him solely during that moment, nor was it actually meant to a show of how unhealthy and toxic their relationship is— sometimes the only person who can understand you really is just someone who experiences the same thing! that's not inherrently bad! but its very much a representation of genuine kindness twisting into something far more sinister when intentions get in the way, and gwi ma and jinu's intentions were to control people. something we can even infer with "i'm the only one who can save you" turning to "no one is coming to save you".

rumi reminds him of what real companionship is— someone who doesn't look past your flaws but also believes you should be allowed to heal from them and that self hatred. she never downplayed jinu's act from the past (even after he tells her the full story) but she also understands how much he hurts over it and wants better for him and knows he's capable of kindness. "you should start listening to those voices instead" when that little girl gave him that drawing of him having a beautiful soul. and when jinu sacrifices himself for rumi, he reassures rumi that she did free him. she gave him his soul back, something he had surrended to gwi ma centuries ago. with rumi he finally learned to love someone more than he hates himself, truly escaping gwi ma's influence to finally choose for himself the person he wants to be: the selfish demon who aides in hurting people like gwi ma just to free himself or the demon who displayed that moment of genuine kindness he showed at the start of the movie.

like whether or not you believe the sans undertale is from actually from deltarune theory, it's undeniable how hard sans cherishes toriel in undertale. what do you mean regularly depressed and eats out at grillby's sans tried baking a pie. what do you mean he tries to find videogames that he thinks toriel would enjoy. what do you mean he bought snail shaped pasta for himself. "shes the best audience i've ever had" man who has a job at mtt resort as a comedian and is clearly beloved in his local community shown in the grillby's scene. sure. okay. sans "its all going to reset so nothing matters" undertale doing things no matter big or small because they matter to toriel, so of course they matter to him too.

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rip kris i think you wouldve really liked sayaka as another depressed and manic vessel meant to only act as a means of making the universe progress in its intended course.