I begin this letter a few hours before Kursk, so as to finish it this evening. The train shakes a little so you must excuse my bad writing! Sweet lovy-mine, how sad and how hard it was saying goodbye yesterday, I felt I could not speak to you during the last moments, for fear of bursting into tears.
Knowing that I was leaving you all alone (except the children) after such trying circumstances and with Ella too, made me more miserable than ever - I mean this separation is the most painful one we have had. But there is nothing to be done, God knows what is good for us, we must bow down our heads and repeat the sacred words ‘Thy will be done.’ I don’t know but I feel so quiet before arriving today there, that is the fulfilment of ‘our friend’s’ promise. I tried to pray very fervently last night and this morning and that has also brought comfort to my soul.
After dinner it rained yesterday, but now it is lovely, quite warm and sunny. If it is so for the manoeuvres it will be simply delicious. There has been no talk yet. I sat much with Misha or read in my cabin. We walked at several stations. It is 11 o’clock in the evening - the first part of the programme is finished. The first speech went off very well, but in the beginning one I stuck and could not for the life remember what I wanted to say. But in the end after a desperate attempt to speak, I succeeded in producing the second half of my speech, which was perhaps enough after all. The heat in the room was terrific.
Now it is late, my sweet Sunny, I must finish my letter by pressing you tenderly to my heart. God bless you, my darling and our sweet children. Misha kisses you very lovingly. I shall write every day.
Ever your own loving and devoted
Nicky.”
- Nicholas to Alexandra Feodorovna, 29th August/11th September 1902
With what intense joy I received your precious letter this morning. Thank you for it with all my heart. Yes, indeed, sweetie, this parting has been one of the hardest, but every day brings us nearer to our meeting again. How anguishing the moment of the speeches must have been. Your precious letter and telegrams I’ve put on our bed so that when I wake up in the night I can touch something of yours.
Fancy an old married woman speaking so - ‘old fashioned’ many would say. But what would life be without love - what would have become of Wify without you? You, my beloved treasure, the joy of my heart. To keep the children quiet, I made them think of things and then guess them. Olga always thinks of the sun, clouds, sky, rain or something belonging to the heavens, explaining to me that it makes her so happy to think of that.
Now, my pet, goodbye, God bless and keep you. A hearty kiss, sweet one, from your tenderly loving and devoted Wify,
Alix.”
- Alexandra to Nicholas, 31st August/13th September
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