I lost track of the daysâŚthe routine is unpredictable. Sometimes Iâm greeted by foodâŚsometimes the dot visits to mock meâŚother times she takes me to the treadmill and I spend unknowable hours in and out of consciousness. And every time Iâm met with the same visionsâŚhallucinationsâŚmemories.
I see flashes of my mech towering over me like a looming threat. Thatâs same slamming against a cockpit hatch. I hear screaming and scratching and clawing of someone trying to escape as blood trails down the windows.
I have visions of that medically clean room flashing in tones of reds purples and pinks. People hover over me as they poke needles and wires at my skin. I hear questions that turn to dust when I think of them. Feel myself speaking with the words being lost to me as they leave my lips. Who are they?âŚ
Countless daysâŚweeksâŚmaybe months⌠Always tossed back into the cell. So many times beaten and worn to the brink of death. In so much pain that I canât even experience the luxury of sleep. The few times I listen and miraculously keep my head in line, I return stuffed up with such a high off of Her that I forget Sheâs even theâŚitâs hard to rememberâŚ
On a rare occasion I get a night like this. No chemicals. No abuse. No interaction in the slightest. A mind numbing stillness that would drive the most collected minds to madness. Except it wasnât still..it wasnât silent. Iâd be greeted with the voices speaking over and over. Shouting, screaming, cryingâŚ.laughing and moaningâŚ. They each seem consistentâŚsometimes I talk backâŚsometimes I scream⌠but they never stopâŚthey never leave me aloneâŚ.it hurtsâŚ
Except for onceâŚtonight it is true quietâŚtrue stillness. I count my blessings as to how calm it isâŚand I finally get a moment with a small ember of fear that has been smolderingâŚa question that alludes me day after day..
I look into the empty distance of the white walls, and I consider the possibilities. I know that voice I heard was hers. I know that call sign was hers. But that canât be right, it just canât be!
âShe canât be alive!!! I watched it!! I watched what you fuckers did!! Why are you doing this??? Why?!?!?!â I scream and scream into the void and thereâs no response. âAnd why wonât you talk?? You are all always so fucking talkative but NOW when I wonât get the shit beat out of me you go quiet??? How about you speak up and give me some answers instead of WRECKING MY BODY???â I shout more towards the inner selves.
Inner selves⌠thatâs what Iâve taken to calling the voices that seem to make my life hell. I at first wanted to believe they were just voices. That I was just going crazy. Maybe I am. Maybe She did this to me. But as time goes on it becomes more clear. She didnât make themâŚ
She awoke them. She doesnât make things, She just takes the broken pieces and shatters them more, before reconstructing them to fit her purposes. Of course She would. Sheâs the only one who can. She breaks things butâŚ
I look down at the new left paw that had replaced my previous so long ago. It was strange at first, the chrome steel accented with rudimentary wires and cables that hook into my arm. The sensation of the cold metal that replaces skin and blood. The excitement of the electricity every time it flows through the sensors.
I press the pads against the floor, feeling the strange softness of the rubber sealed pressure sensors. The sensation of how they squish and settle on the ground. The lack of thumbs⌠Still, it was an improvement. The first version was rudimentary and barely functional. The second version worked well enough, but the design left much of the shock of the electrical components to be directed painfully into my arm and back.
This would be the 3rd iteration, or Mock 3 as I call it. No painful convulsions, independently movingâŚclaws? Even a dim sense of touch. Even so, it is still just cold, empty steel. Not a gift, but a constant insulting reminder that She can break and recreate anything She wants if it fails Her or amuses Her. Itâs not My hand anymoreâŚItâs Herâs. If I donât comply, I donât imagine She will refrain from making other things Hers too. To rob me of my humanity piece by painful piece.
I would cry but the tears dried up ages ago. She only keeps me fed and hydrated when She expects to need something for me. The dryness of my throat has become a comfort, since it means less testingâŚ.most days. Sometimes though, I find myself wishing Sheâd shove that pistol into my mouth. Give me the promise of an end to the nightmare.
But then my thoughts turn back again towards Evie⌠the chance she might still be out there. Even the slightest hint she is alive is enough to get me to continue living. But maybe thatâs the point. Maybe thatâs just another way for Her to keep c-
The door whirs open loudly, and I hear the familiar sound of those boots. I already know what to do. My thoughts redirect as the routine is renewed. I crawl over pitifully, still caged⌠still restrained. At this point itâs become just as natural a state as 2 legs had been. I donât even know if I remember how to walk.
I lower my head and forelegs, keeping my eyes to the ground as I wait for Her to clip the leash. She attaches it to the cage like always, and then pets my head. âGood kitty. So glad you finally have understood your place here. Do you want treats?â
I perk up slightly, wiggling my rear as I had been taught to indicate excitement. *CLICK* the sweet sound hits in an instant. A wave of heat and pressure first hits my brain. It pulsates as it spreads down my spine and branches out to all my limbs. Even the cold steel paw feels warmer, the first break from the frigidness of the lonely room. And with it such a rush of pleasure that leaves me wanting more. Leaves me yearning for another hit like a cigarette after an intense sortie.
I start to think about how I missed them, but She notices and taps Her foot expectantly. I almost got distracted! I canât get distracted, Handler doesnât like distractions. Thatâs all thoughts are is distractions. I quickly kiss Her boot in apology, and look up right into her calve as she fastens my gag in place.
This too had become the normâŚ.another way of keeping me in line. She then gives me a good kick in the ribs, freshly healed from the last set of bruises. I donât even whine, taking the hit like a good punching bag. She pets my head and *CLICK* another dose of ecstasy, filling my increasingly empty body with a temporary relief.
âGood girl!â She praises with a tinge of fake excitementâŚor maybe itâs realâŚI canât tell anymore. But clickies always feel nice and I give in to the temptation for a moment as I lean into Her comforting hand. She allows it for a moment, letting me sink into the momentary affection. Then, She stops and snaps Her fingers. That means itâs time to go. I follow quickly behind Her towards the hangar as always. Must be training day⌠She says nothing, until we get to the Hangar.
âI have a surprise for you being so much better behaved kitten.â She speaks as the doors begin to open. âYou have permission to look.â She says, pointing to mh Mech. My eyes refocusfrom the bright lights. It takes me a moment to understand what is saidâŚAnd then I see itâŚ.
I stare, mouth agape and horrified. My once sleek, towering monolith. The one Iâd spent countless gallons of literal blood, sweat, and tears perfecting. So many hours in its cockpit, so many memories etched into the trails of rust, grime, and debris that filled the gears and cavities.
#Iâm going to KILL HER!#
-Fucking great, now on top of this I have to deal with you two?!-
I whine and pull back slightly. Hearing them again, and seeing this⌠monstrosity. The rusted panels replaced with soulless shined steal. The blood and grease stains replaced with strings of wires. But the worst part was the scale. Seeing the monolith brought down to the ground just like me. Gone were the legs and arms, replaced with those of a catâŚthe entire frame looked like a high-end imperial craft, turned feline.
The gears and pneumatics had a clean sheen, the machine clearly built for speed and stealth. The only thing that remained remotely the same was the cockpit windowsâŚ.i can still see the scraps from the last battle.
I twinge in pain and whimper louder, thrashing my head in the air like so many times before.
#SHE NEEDS TO DIE! Grow a spine!!! Get REVENGE!! WHY wonât you LISTEN?!? They *killed* her! She destroyed all that was left!!!â
âMmmm!!âŚmmmpphhâŚâ She grabs me by my throat as I start to loose control. I start hissing and flailing my paws, as if it could do anything to Her. I gasp for air as her grip tightens. âDo you want to test me MUTT!â I hear faintly. I feel the buildup of carbon dioxide. The need for oxygen with my legs twitching. The lights start to dim and my vision fades.
I awake some time later, eyes adjusting to the change of light.
-Damn muttâŚwhat did you do to us?-
Silence. I try to move and feel something tugging against my arms and legs. There is little light wherever I am. I shake my head, feeling something hugging my face. âMmmff??â I muffle, confused and scared as I start shifting my limbs in the few directions they can. Then I hear itâŚ..a familiar hum and whirring of steel in motion. Clean pistons slamming into rigid chunks, slamming at increasing rpmâs. The sensation of the rumble the flywheels create when they churn in a metal core.
Lights flash in front of my eyes as a display appears. My vision is restricted into small circles as I feel the skintight mask stretch into a full body suit. Itâs tight like latex but soft as flesh. I can feel the ground shifting and crumpling beneath my paws. The heaviness of a whole machine engulfing my body. Iâve never felt anything like it. The power behind it and the precision is strangely exhilarating and terrifying.
I only now notice the tube extending from the bottom of the mask. Presumably itâs hooked up similar to the one Iâve grown accustomed to. My head moves mostly freely, but itâs difficult to see my body with the restricted vision. The display, however, is giving me a rather crystal clear view. StrangeâŚitâs like Iâm peering out the giant felines eyesâŚ
It doesnât take a lot for me to realize Iâm in the abomination she turned my old machine into. And that itâs the most direct control Iâve ever experienced. Not only that, but Iâm handcuffed in and have no way of escaping on my ownâŚ
#We could completely destroy this hangar! Sheâs so fucking stupid handing us the keys to her destruction! Stupid b-#
The display flickers and a video of Her takes over my vision. âGood evening Kitty. Iâm guessing the mutt is probably already opting towards wanton destruction. Youâll need to handle that.â
-Fuck, what the HELL mutt?? What did you do???-
She continues, âIâll be short about this. If you decide to destroy this building, your cockpit will explode in a fiery inferno, and the pump will fill you with enough chemicals to make sure you feel the blazing heat until your brain finally does you a favor and melt out your skull. Donât test me.â She warns with clear direction. I donât doubt in the slightest that She can.
It would be almost welcomed by nowâŚ.a painless death from a bullet to the head. But it appears She is well aware of that too, and refuses to give me such an easy option. I recoil and shrink into myself, with the behemoth following my lead.
âIâm going to cut to the chase. You have to survive dusk until dawn to prove you shouldnât be put into the inferno now. Iâm giving you a chance to prove you deserve to live despite your apparent lack of self restraint. There are 3 rules. I will not repeat myself. I already told you the repercussions.â
I swallow roughly, terrified of what Iâm about to hear.
â1) You do not leave the area on your HUD, 50 miles in each direction should be plenty of space.
2) You do NOT kill the other combatant.
3) You arrive here within 1 hr after the sun rises.
Anything else goes. You have an hour head start. Timer started when I started talking.â She says pointing to the clock in the top right of my vision that had counted down to 50 already, and to the map in the bottom right of my vision.
I donât waste my time. I need to act decisively if I want to survive this. It feels awkward at first, getting the monstrous body moving with it so directly controlled. The hours of grueling training on that treadmill make more sense now.
I start walking out the hangar door, getting my footing and understanding of how my body moves for a simple 5 minutes of my time. Itâs time that could be spent elsewhere, but Iâve been trained since long before Her. I learned early on that in the heat of battle, itâs important to know what the tools feel like. 5 minutes is enough time that I can feel confident in some basic movements.
The most important technique in my arsenal. I kick up mountains of dirt as I spring off my legs into a full sprint. Trees and rocks crumble and crush beneath me. I feel everything beneath me turning to dust in a strange sense of power unlike anything else. My body starts to warm up, my natural adrenaline starting to release.
35 minutes⌠thatâs not a lot of time left. I screech to a halt and start looking around for high ground. Any place I can get a solid view. I spot a perfect location atop a nearby hill, surrounded by tall buildings for cover along the one side.
I take a sharp turn towards it, taking the most covered path I can through the abandoned century old buildings. I try to avoid the destruction that is so tempting, knowing any amount of stealth is most valuable. This isnât a game. Itâs a hunt, and Iâm the prey.
My body warms up as the timer clicks to 15. I start to notice that the surroundings look bright for it being night. Like a better version of night vision. The HUD lights up with a message.
//Night Vision currently enabled//
StrangeâŚI donât question the gift however. I peer through the tall buldings over the hill and horizon. I spot a few potential advantage locations. I see one about 30 miles in, going past the hangar. It is perfect, a larger weaving of buildings that could block view. But it will take 20 minutes, which means Iâll be right near the presumed release point. Bad idea.
The second spot I see is a series of tall hills and rocks crumble formations. Fantastic for a sniper butâŚ.my inkling is that Iâm not getting one of those today. 15 minutes out, and a last resort.
The last area I see is perfect, almost too perfect. A series of large old waterways with banks filled with useless scrap and buildings from the Old World. Oddly reminiscent ofâŚ.
I shake the thought from my head. 10 minutes remain, just enough time to get in the up. I notice in my peripheral some symbols. I glance up to the upper left of my hud for a closer look, and notice the camo pattern. As I do, I hear Betty chime in.
//Full spectrum camo activated. Heat Signature minimal//
âOptic activated..âŚfucking ImperialsâŚ- I think to myself as I manage a quieter takeoff this time. I donât have much leniency, leaping off the hill and trying to cushion the fall with the help of the legs. Surprisingly, the shock absorption is able to easily take the jolt. The tech is terrifyingly advanced. I can feel the electricity rushing through my skin though, an indication as to how borrowed this tech must be. I shouldn't push it too far just yet.
The sensation is strangely intoxicating...the way the air rushes past the metal skin as it silently cuts through the air like butter. The way everything sweeps through my vision as my speed ramps up. The spring in every step as the 4 legs work in unison to create a constant acceleration towards my target. I enter the waterways, and immediately search my surroundings for a spot with exitways and enough cover to build a plan.
Right as time runs out, I find a good spot. 3 way intersection, which means two escape directions, plus walls that can be leaped onto. Emergency routes are always great, because plans never go as expected. That's the first rule every combatant learns.
I don't turn off my engines. Its too risky, I don't know what I'm up against. I try to steady my heavy breathing. Carbon dioxide and heat signatures are just a cry to be noticed. I try to relax, to find center, and to approach the situation calmly. As I do, the world feels to be melted away until its just awareness, tuned into my surroundings.
I wait for what seems close to an hour, occasionally glancing at the clock of my HUD to make sure I am aware of when I need to get back. Then, I feel the subtle vibrations in the ground...much softer then I expected. I can't pinpoint the direction...or the distance. It's too gentle, too perfected.....
Too familiar....Its the same as the night I got captured. Nearly invisible. I remain absolutely still, prepared to flee in an instant if I get caught. I see it approaching. The monolith that was much like mine, but clearly inspired off a hound instead. The sleek form sniffing and patrolling in the waterway. It approaches, and is soon staring right down in front of me. I only see the opague windows, the machine glaring back at me.
I get a good long look, taking in every detail as I begin to sweat. Eye to eye with the grim reaper. If it sees me, I'm dead right now. I need to remain calm. If it kills me I'll never save her. I am forced to spend what feels like hours glaring back and forth with the embodiment of death. That's when I notice a small detail. Right as I notice, it sprints off. A mirror image of the scratches emblazened on my cockpit window.
In an instant, I feel what it must be like to have my soul shattered. She's alive.....and she's hunting me down...
