forget me

STARTER FOR @sgnshin

barbie walks a path that’s growing more and more familiar to her, the more she has to spend time looking for shin because he won’t respond to her calls or messages. it’s a nice walk from the humanities building to the law building. the beginning of winter means the trees are bare and looking a little pitiful, but the transience of nature is beautiful in its own way. it reminds her of snowy christmases back in the states, hot cocoa, and opening presents. the crispness of the air is refreshingly sharp and the chatter of students provides a soothing backdrop. 

chasing after shin feels more nostalgic than she thought it would. in the years that they spent apart, barbie had allowed the thoughts and memories of shin fade to the back of her mind. there were always more important things to be dealing with and thinking about, so many other achievements to chase and others who didn’t treat her like he did. it’s not the first time she’s come looking for him since her enrolment into the school, but she’d never really paused to consider the space that’s grown between them until now.

‘barbie, your brother’s just being a little stubborn. we just need you to go talk to him, alright? bring him home for seollal,’ mummy had said, but barbie’s starting to think there’s a lot more to whatever is going on between shin and their parents. she’s outside the classroom she knows he’s supposed to be having classes in (teaching?) before long and she waits for the students to start streaming out before she slips in.

“oppa! you’re free now, aren’t you? go to lunch with me,” she finds his unfamiliar silhouette amidst the crowd of students and she flashes him her best smile, the one that won her prom queen.

          actively ignoring his sister was perhaps one of the most enjoyable things to do in his spare time. rejecting all her calls, as he presses the glowing red button beneath her name, bringing him great joy to know that the battle between him and his family was an ongoing one. he wasn’t sure where the satisfaction stemmed from, although a part of him unaware that the joy of him ignoring her was unhealthy, it was a decision that came almost instinctively since going into graduate school. he remembers treating her not the best of ways, he took it upon himself to tell her that not everyone would adore her the way their parents do at home, that life would be unfair and that she should prepare for it. his words, too harsh for someone that he would deem as a blood relative. and even with the growing distance that gradually overtook their relationship, he didn’t find a lose in it, though his mother thinks otherwise.

          as he hears her voice, an immediate sigh leaving from downturned lips, his hues almost rolling instinctively as his gaze lands on her. “don’t you have your own friends?” he stacks up his textbooks, as he places them in the nook of his elbow, tucking away his singular pen into his front pocket, as he grabs onto his water bottle by the table, turning back to her, “and... don’t smile at me, it’s scary.” he imitates her own smile, though exaggerated as his features crinkle up into an unpleasant frown, “see? that’s scary.” 

@sgnshin     /     in the glassy-eyed light of day. 

so what have you been up to lately, trapped in this metaphorical tourniquet called a structured schedule?

soeun’s mind wanders to such a thought the closer her steps draw to the building within her eyesight. inside sits the one who holds the prestigious title of student council president. she never would have thought, of the few people from her past attending seongnam, that shin would be given that position. ( she reminds herself people change. soeun has, as well. )

it’s typical of her to forego the concept of attending classes on a regular basis. true art is achieved through adventure. far from an excuse, but a reason for her lust of rebellion and tendency towards restlessness. her conscious is incapable of reflecting on the consequences she long since wrote off as meaningless. but she doesn’t seek out intentionally ruining the reputations of other people – and not shin’s, especially. even as she creeps up on the window she presumes to belong to the student council office.

the blinds rest in a peculiar way, crooked at the bottom, drawn just enough to allow a glimpse inside. waist high bushes are another obstacle she easily strides though.

“shin tsai!” she’s aware of how the window muffles her voice, so she raps a closed fist against the polished surface. the heat of her breath obscures her line of vision momentarily. it briefly reminds her of how she would blow on the glass during cool seasons like this to draw messages to people outside. soeun only possesses the patience to wipe the opaque circle away with her sleeve. “come hang out with me or suffer the consequences.”

the threat is not an empty one.

          paperwork was always left piling on his table, his own readings left to the last minute as procrastination would linger many seconds too long. his cerulean veins fuelled with a special kind of laziness that would deter him from working, despite being the president he was unfitting of such a title. his therapist tells him otherwise, his therapist tells him that he needs to think with more positivity. something he has grown to do, though still incapable of doing so. he sigh leaving from his lips, as he hears an echoing of his name, though short lived it blared like sirens amidst hazy hues. he turns to the window, seeing a somewhat threatening figure thudding against the window, hues widening for a moment, still trying to register what was happening. sleep deprivation, surely getting the better of him.

it wasn’t hard for soyi to keep the past in the past. as far as certain things, but it also wasn’t hard for her to let the two mix. a thought that crossed her mind as soon as she saw shin. she did enjoy the time it they had together, when she broke up with him she wished it could’ve been different. a large part of her felt responsible. she was the adult, it wouldn’t have been fair to him to be burdened with so much. especially when she found out how he was doing after the move. simply, she wanted him to live without having to worry about her. about them. and once she came back? it was even harder to see him. they had met at events for social class but once she came back, it was hard to spot her. 

which meant it was hard to spot him. 

until today, soyi was sure she had saw him on campus a few times. she wasn’t sure if he had spotted her but she hadn’t made it a point to speak to him. ( just in case he didn’t want to speak to her. ) until today, when they literally ran into each other in the gym and she took in stride. grinning at him, “hey, kid.” a nick-name she used affectionately when they dated. until she found he really was and then it became the reason they broke up. but it was comfortable ( and the only thing she could see him as, even if he did grow up. he really grew up. ) “how have you been? and you’re parents? i haven’t seen them much these days but i’m also not in that circle much anymore.” 

          the relationship they had shared was a complex one. oddity still lingering at her name upon his sights setting against her every time his hues would cross her at the halls, deciding to go the opposite way as to best avoid her as he could. an unhealthy habit that he was told by many. avoiding your problems isn’t the most efficient way to go about things, but he couldn’t help it, he grew up running away from many things, and on the top of that list was the inherent problems that came along with being shin tsai. a part of him, worrying about how their conversation would have gone if they were on speaking terms, he was too afraid of what would leak from his throat and being cordial was not one of them. 

Yeogeum never drank before he moved to Seongnam, why would he? He didn’t have any reason for it. Perhaps he had tasted wine a couple of times before, but nothing beyond that. Then he came to Seongnam University, and he learned the culture of alcohol and drinking, how pouring a toxic liquid into your body to make your head go crazy for fun was something normal. At first he tried avoiding alcohol just like he had tried avoiding people, but like everything he had tried avoiding, his attempt in avoiding it went not so well and before he knew it he was out drinking with friends. In the beginning he only went out with friends, actually all throughout his freshman year he only went out with friends, he had never dared drinking alone, but after having done it over the vacation he had showed up at this bar alone a few times.

It was surprisingly calming to just grab a drink or two once in a while, he hadn’t realized it before, but his mind was always so filled with thoughts, he would oh so often worry without even realizing it, and sometimes getting a drink or multiple to throw the night and himself away helped. Today was another one of those days, one of those days where he had chosen to just sit alone at a bar and grab a drink maybe two, however today he wasn’t alone, he had showed up alone, but there was an older woman all over him. She kept asking if she could buy him a drink, and despite him quietly telling her no she bought one for him anyway, getting angry when he refused to drink it, and not knowing what to do he was suddenly drinking the drinks she was buying for him despite not wanting to.

He looked around in the hope that someone could save him from this situation, he was feeling incredibly uncomfortable and all his attempts in leaving had failed. “I really gotta go…” he told her as she was in the midst of buying another drink for him, “come on, I bought you all these drinks and you’re just going to leave me?” she asked, fingers slipping over his neck and her looking him directly in the eyes.

                                                                                      send it to @sgnshin

          he didn’t know what had gotten into him, but these past few days have been a rush of fresh air within his system. perhaps the therapy sessions have finally begun to pay off. or maybe it was the constant reminder that he had on his phone every day to forcefully go out of his comfort zone and venture into one that included way too much socialising and not enough time to himself. a trade off that costed him three hours of sleep, as sleep deprivation lingers deeply in the nooks and crannies of his old soul. his was born in the wrong era, he tells himself, one that had no use for letters or the occasional dip of frosted toes into the lake by the country home of his parents. an additional to their already growing empire. he had thought that maybe, somewhere down the line the forced socialising and the obligatory demands for him to speak and the facade that would grow to cover the fragility of his reality would miraculous come true. to his disappointment, it never did. the captaincy that sits on both his limbs, weighing heavily, though he finds some pleasure in the prowess that he possesses. 

          careful eyes that scan the vicinity as he steps foot into the bar. the clothes from his earlier student government meeting still hanging from his shoulders. careful digits that rake through his silver strands, making it here alone as to clear his mind. a first. he finds a seat by the counter, he orders his drink as he allows his gaze to drift about, and for a moment he matches with another. in that moment, his brain fails to recognise that other’s features, already too wound up in the overstimulated senses his hearing and sight. he blinks a few times, before it registers in his mind the situation, and he couldn’t help but let a suppressed chuckle pull across his features. he gets up from his seat, swiftly as ever, as he forcefully throws himself between the two. yeogeum wasn’t enjoying this right? his expression telling of his uncomfortable state, though shin was never one to judge, the other might have secretly been into this age play thing.

                  HEADS UP KIDS AND CROOKS,

To the ladies and gentlefolk of Seongnam University, you are all cordially invited to a CHRISTMAS BLOWOUT BASH held this year by Wolfbane Social Club’s own president Shin Tsai!

Come and see the Student Center’s largest lounge room and cafeteria section transformed into a den of iniquity a beautiful array of festivity, decked out in fairy lights and ambient decor, and catered with plenty of gourmet dishes (and yes, of course, booze included!). There will be a DJ for those who dance and a dessert table for those who can’t, and all attendees will have the option of participating in a secret santa gift exchange if they so wish, at the stroke of midnight!

So please dress to impress and join us from 8PM TO DAWN THIS COMING SATURDAY before everyone exits campus grounds for the Big Day Itself, to blow off some holiday cheer!

                                                                                                 (shin sticks a little note in front of                                                                                                   the entrance like if you enter you’ve                                                                                                     agreed to death and all other                                                                                                     possible consequences and                                                                                              wolfbane will not be held responsible)

♡  @sgnshin  |  the vast expanse of obsidian space between them is more suffocating than it is comforting. moreso because the vast expanse isn’t really all that vast. or expansive.

instead it takes place within the world’s smallest coat closet – one that half of the dahlia girls have been consistently requesting to have redone, while the other half was mute, found it’s usefulness during times like this. as if a game called seven minutes in heaven was something substantial.

it seemed to be substantial enough to sian of the past, whatever mix of cherry vodka the wolfbane boys had brought over leaving a pleasurable hum once it infiltrates her system, tipsy enough to agree to the game with an indulgent grin. it isn’t long before she comes to think that if there is some kind of god up there looking down upon the world, amusing himself with humans as if they were his illimitable supply of sims, she thinks that one – he takes an immense amount of delight in her suffering, which seems to go against everything that an omnipotent god is supposed to stand for ( unless they’re greek or demonic ), and two – his sense of humor is absolute shit, which leads back to thought number one. there’s a bottle that’s spun, and when brown hues gaze upon the other person it lands on besides herself, her first instinct is to laugh – and she’s not sure if it’s the alcohol or the stress of the matter hitting her. her second instinct is to run.

after all, it’s what she’s been doing this whole time.

before she’s even allowed to emit either reaction there are lithe hands pushing her inside with such force it makes her confused, wondering how much a small girl like that could bench and it’s enough to keep her distracted so that she’s pushed into the closet with ease, shin following with a slam of the door behind him. so the vast expanse truly isn’t all that vast – especially when the sheer weight of the awkward atmosphere between them drives her against the wall, has her back sliding down wallpaper until she’s seated upon the floor. it helps that the lights are off, at least, the party-goers most likely too drunk to realize. but if it weren’t for the bass of that played out camilla cabello song reverberating within the house, sian could probably hear the sound of shin’s breathing. she has to keep her knees to her chest so that her legs don’t accidentally brush upon his feet. it’s silent, and she’s sure this is how one of the rings of hell feels like. or maybe the bad place. same concept.

because what is she supposed to do? what is she supposed to say to someone who wished almost unforgivable things upon you when all you tried to do was help them? even if it was a while ago.

“uh … hi. long time no see?”

well … that, she guesses. and she always held such pride in being such a great conversationalist, only to have it draw a blank in a situation like this. it’s a start, after all.

          parties were never his thing, though his responsibilities did call for them, his personality had always rejected the offers with a simple wave of his hand. his presidency however, sat on the waves of networking, his mind having been pushed aside as he takes on a whole new persona. at these parties, the corner of his lips would tug agonisingly slow, as if forcefully spreading fingers across his cheek to get him to smile. he was told smiling brought forth a closer connection to others, from there networking would be made easier. however, doubtful that may be, his parents had always pressured him to do well, well enough that he wouldn’t need them. and he has come to find that he no longer does. with that, his parents’ pleas come outwardly, shameless and unprovoked. 

          now, here he sat, a part of the circle of some game he had never signed up to participate in. yet somehow, the liquor in his veins, from what little he drank, seemed to pull him into circles less than desirable. his problem with addiction, ongoing, yet he always managed to find himself breaking all the rules. he fears for his life, he fears himself the most though. 

          vision, still clear, though his mind slightly clouded, finding himself being shoved in the closet by familiar faces. ahh, that’s right. he used to date their president. a short lived relationship, a year of his life wasted. more so, he had wasted her time with his nuisance, but it would never be something he would admit to. anticipating the breakup like his own death, he had been waiting for it, for a while now. so he had chosen to break it off before he the impending pain of his decisions. blonde strands, being the only thing that stood out amidst the darkness of the closet, it was smaller in here, than what it had looked like from the outside. he lets out a tired sigh, hearing the blaring of music in the background, as she slid herself down. his black attire, with matching black vanz, clinging to his body as a hand raises to run through his strands. he slumps down, opposite from her, his back as close to the closet wall as possible, elbow leaning up against his bent knee, as it pushed up against the wall. his temple resting on balled up fists, gaze only coming to meet with hers as she spoke.

          he only lets his brows raise in acknowledgement at her words. it sure has been a long time. their friendship quickly ending as unpleasant things were unexchanged and he remembers calling her a washed up idol, a bitch and a mindless supporter of the dahlia president. it was as if their close friendship meant nothing after the breakup he had had with haeni. how come no one saw my side? the thought that resonating through his reverie, plaguing it at the vast expanse of his cynical soul. 

          he shifts himself closer to the wall, making the best of the little space they had, as to try to give her more room to find comfort. the black hoodie he was wearing, wasn’t helping with the suddenly rising temperature of the enclosed space, matching black joggers that wrapped around his limbs, black converse that clung to his feet, as he rolls up his sleeves. he hand raises to gently push the closet door open, only to see that he had been locked shut. maybe if he punched it, it would open? then again, who knows what rumours would fly around then. violent shin. we all knew you had that in you. 

she’s always had a good eye for reading people—at least, that’s what she’d always been told. the story goes that once upon a time, a man had come up to their house, asking for help because his car had broken down the road. her parents, being the good people they are (at least, that’s what they were at the time), were happy to help, but little yoohyeon would not stop screaming and crying not to let the man in. it turns out, they were right to listen to their three-year-old daughter, because the next day on the news came the warning of an escaped convict going from door to door in the neighborhood.

she doesn’t know how true that story is, told to her by her elder brother a long time ago, but she tends to believe it, seeing as how she usually doesn’t have a hard time deciphering whether a person is good or bad. it’s helped her tremendously throughout her life, steering her away from those who would want to harm or use her, and forging friendships with those who only wish to uplift and support her.

it’s become a little difficult after entering snu, though. there are so many people on campus who have secrets to hide, so many who have lived their life so full of lies that even they can’t tell what’s truth anymore. it makes everything so muddled and confusing, but there are none more confusing than shin tsai.

try as she might, she’s never quite been able to figure out who he is—or what, for that matter. he’s become so difficult to read that she’s convinced herself that he is no ordinary human, and she’s determined to find out what it is. which is why she’s currently found herself up in a tree, watching him as he walks by down below. it’s without intention that a branch cracks, causing leaves to fall and rustle all around him, definitely giving away her position. figuring she’s already been had, she gives her position away herself, hoping to take away the satisfaction of outing her on his own.

“what’s that you’ve got in your hand?” she asks from above, refusing to get down from the tree for the time being. “it wouldn’t happen be your life’s blood, would it?”

                                                                                           ✧ —–  casting call for, @sgnshin· ;

         with little words, and the shear glint of impassivity, his tongue rolls back only to scathe surface of his palate, golden hues squint to form subtle lines across his features. digits raise to curl around the warm cup of earl grey that sat comfortably in his grip. his other hand occupied by the overheating screen of his phone, and blaring from his headphones were the avid soundscape of the piano, driving his motivation to push through yet another day. he sat low on the scale of enthusiasm, not enough words could describe his emotions, yet none would do so as he felt his insides swirl and sway in a direction that kept him guessing. he too, was as confused as any other. his brain, his mind, his reverie filled with thoughts that were all too random, too sporadic, too unhealthy to maintain. all adjectives that his therapist tells him are bad and that they were to be replaced with much other positive ones. he winces slightly as the cup comes to his lips, anticipating the hot beverage to ravage his tastebuds, but like he had determined, pain was of no use. he feels the warmth of the earl grey, grazing against his palate, and this time more pleasant than the last.

          he catches a glimpse of a moving silhouette positioned atop a tree, perhaps too dangerous for someone such as her. these stereotypes, imploding in his mind as he feels the guilt of having worried about something in futile. he brings the cup back down, pausing in his steps, as he paces towards the other, gaze averting upwards to meet with the other, “oh, this?” he raises his cup slightly, “this, is the blood of my enemies.” he raises a brow slightly, his features otherwise untelling of his joking demeanour, “how about you worry about getting down from there safely? i’ll get you a cup, if you’d like?” passing his phone to the other hand, as the cup stacks atop his screen, his now free hand, raising to shift through the blonde strands of his untamed hair. an obvious distinction from his all black outfit, one that changes every day but remains the same shade of black, some more faded than the rest, the range remains the same. 

          today, on his shoulders, sat a black hoodie, scribbled on the front was the faculty of his major. law. on his legs, clung equally black track pants that matched the black nikes on his feet. not one to allow his family’s status to shine through, a man of simplicity. a first look at him, and the assumption that he was but a regular middle class student would have not been wrong. his reputation not as pristine as he’d like, nor the image that he had tried to perceive. he was the president of wolfbane and the student government, although none of which have satisfied his insatiable desire to be filled. he had hoped it would, but soon he would discover that it wouldn’t.