★. lua .ᐟ

“So he’s just a friend that you find attractive and catch yourself staring at him and feeling funny things?”

“I never said I find him attractive.”

“But you do find him attractive,” Sohee spoke up. “We know that, Y/N, you don’t have to lie. I don’t know why you’re denying this and your feelings if you’re finally getting what you always wanted, so why are you being a little pussy?”

You scoffed and threw a cushion on him, which he caught before reaching his face. Jongseob chuckled and looked up at you as if silently asking you to answer Sohee’s question.

“He’s my friend and it’d be weird for me to fall in love with him after all that drama with Minho.” As soon as you said those last words you felt the need to beat yourself up. Jongseob didn’t know the truth about why you had moved on from Minho.

“All the drama? What drama?”

“You cannot tell anyone this, okay? Like, anyone,” you glanced at Sohee. “I caught Minho and Jisung making out when I went to Dongmin’s place.”

“Oh,” he hissed and nodded a few seconds later. “But it kinda makes sense if you think about it. He’s always with Jisung and they do seem a little flirty sometimes."

“Well, I was too immersed in my obsession to notice such a thing. And I didn’t even like him for real, once I saw him kissing Jisung my ‘feelings’ for him were gone.”

“And that’s why I don’t get why it’d be weird to be in love with Dongmin, especially because he’s in love with you as well.”

“Dongmin’s in love with you?!?”

“Right… I forgot to tell you that too,” you chuckled awkwardly while looking at Seob’s annoyed face. “He confessed his feelings to me basically right after we caught Minho and Jisung.”

“Why did you lie on the groupchat? I can’t believe you’re just dropping bombs after bombs! What now? Did Dongmin kiss you after confessing?”

Sohee cleared his throat and looked away, making Jongseob sit up in response and look at you with wide open eyes. “He kissed you?!”

“No! Sohee is playing with you!” You basically shouted and Sohee started to laugh out loud. 

“You should’ve seen your face! You were like,” he imitated Seob’s reaction before laughing hard once again. “This shit is just too funny!”

You rolled your eyes and patted your lap, signaling Jongseob to put his head on your lap again. “I didn’t tell the truth on the groupchat because people don’t really know about them being together, and if people don’t know about their relationship, then it must be a secret or really private. Not even Dongmin knew about them.”

“Yeah, and now you can go on double dates with them!”

“I am not going on double dates with them because I do not like Dongmin, Sohee,” you spoke firmly and paused for a moment. “At least I don’t think so…”

“Okay,” Sohee sighed and looked at you. “Let’s find out.”

“How?”

“Just answer my questions. First one, when you felt like you were under that weird spell, did you like it? Was it a good feeling?”

You frowned and thought really hard about it before answering. “Deep down I like it,” you nodded. “It felt warm, like I was drinking hot tea on a winter day.”

“Okay. Great. Now, how often do you think about him and when you do think about him what are you usually thinking of?”

“I don’t know, I never counted how many times I think about him, but when I do, it’s usually wondering what he’s doing, how he’s feeling or thinking that he would like something that I saw or heard, like a book, a song or something like that.”

“Close your eyes.”

You looked at Jongseob confused, but closed your eyes.

“Now imagine you and him in any scenario and doing whatever comes to your mind.” You mumbled an ‘okay’ and worked on your imagination. Your mind instantly gave you a view of you and Dongmin laying down on the sand while stargazing, your head resting on his chest while he caressed your hair. A smile formed on your lips without you even noticing.

“Yeah, you definitely like him. You don’t even have to tell us what you’re thinking of.”

When Seob’s words hit your ears the scenario vanished from your mind and your smile faltered. You opened your eyes and saw Sohee smirking and Jongseob smiling softly. “You were smiling like a little child.”

“I was not…”

“Yes you were,” Sohee stood up and got closer to you. “Dongmin and Y/N sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g!”

Jongseob laughed and joined Sohee, singing the song like two fifth graders. You groaned and tried to cover your ears, but Jongseob held your wrists and kept singing.

“Stop! This is torture!”

“Then admit that you like Dongmin!”

“I can’t! I’m scared I’ll hurt him!”

Jongseob and Sohee’s playful manner died and they looked at you with sad eyes. Seob released your wrists and Sohee sighed before lifting Seob’s legs to sit down on the couch next to you.

“What if I’m just tricking my mind again like it happened with Minho? I don’t want to break his heart.”

“You’re overthinking, again.”

“And last time I was overthinking I was right.”

“But that doesn’t mean you’ll always be right. Why can’t you just accept love?”

“What if you talk to him and ask him to try it out, but go slow? Because at the moment that Dongmin confessed his love to you he already had in mind that there was a possibility of you saying no to him and his feelings.”

“I guess you have a point…”

“You will never stop thinking about this if you don’t take action and be honest with him. So you should definitely do that.”

“Gosh,” you sighed. “I hate when you’re right.”

“That’s why we are your actual anti-delulu and keep-your-feet-on-the-ground pills.”

“Now can we play some board games and order some pizzas? You need to forget a little bit about Dongmin.”

“Yes please!”

PREV - NEXT

Even if you tried, you couldn’t hide the smile forming on your lips. You didn’t even remember saying that in class, but Dongmin did. And you were grateful he did.

“Yeah, you just remember things,” you sat up and patted the grass beside you, silently asking him to sit next to you. “Thank you for remembering it. I see you also remembered that pink lemonade is my favorite drink.”

Dongmin smiled shyly and sat down next to you, already reaching out for the pink lemonade and pouring it on a plastic cup for you. “I remember a lot of things, Y/N.”

You chuckled and nodded before grabbing a piece of bread and taking a bite of it. Dongmin handed the pink lemonade to you and you took it. “This is making me feel bad, actually. You know so many things about me and I barely know things about you.”

“You’ll get to know me eventually. It’s not that easy to know things about me, at least not as easy as it is to know about you. You’re very extroverted and like to talk about your interests, but not in a way that you’re viewed as self centered.”

“You really think so?” You smiled faintly and Dongmin nodded before grabbing a strawberry and eating it. “Yeah, I really think so.”

Your cheeks heated up and you felt your heart beat a little bit faster. “Well, then tell me more about you.”

You and Dongmin talked for a really long time, but it felt like minutes. He told you about everything you asked him, he told you about when he found out his passion for music, when he started to write songs, the things that he loves and that he hates.

While he was talking about a trip he went to with his family when he was a kid, he opened the bottle of wine and poured a cup of it to himself. Your eyes landed at his arms and his veins were popping out, you pressed your lips together and tried to look away, but it seemed impossible. To try to calm your nerves down, you reached out for your drink, but when you took a sip, you ended up spilling it on your jacket. “Shit.”

Dongmin looked at you and at your jacket that at the moment had a pink spot and started to laugh hard, his fist hiding his smile. You looked up at him and started to laugh as well.

“Don’t laugh at me! My jacket is white, I ruined it!” You said mid laugh, but taking aim at him laughing so hard, yet hiding his smile, made your laugh falter and suddenly you had forgotten about your dirty jacket. Your hand found Dongmin’s wrist and slowly lowered it, making his fist stop covering his mouth.

Dongmin stopped laughing and looked at you with furrowed brows, not quite understanding why you were lowering his hand out of nowhere, but the butterflies on his stomach were definitely there.

“Why do you hide your smile? I think it’s so pretty.”

Dongmin’s eyes were wide open as he choked on his own saliva. “T-thanks…”

You kept looking intently at him while he fought demons to maintain eye contact with you. When you finally realized what you were doing you cleared your throat and chuckled. “You shouldn’t hide your smile, that’s all… Anyways, it’s getting late, so we should probably get going, right?”

“Ah,” he nodded and flashed you a sad smile. “Yes, let’s go. I’ll walk you to your dorm.”

PREV - NEXT

As the door opened, Dongmin made room for you to get inside first and, with a smile on your face, you stepped inside his house. “Make yourself at home.”

“Will do.” You giggled and looked around the place while walking forward, your eyes traveling to the decoration, the family pictures framed on the walls and then at the Jisung on top of Minho as they kissed passionately on the couch, Minho’s hands wandering all over Jisung’s body.

You gasped and dropped the plastic bags, startling the couple and making Dongmin rush towards you.

“Wha- Oh.” Dongmin stood beside you staring at his brother and his brother’s best friend, or lover.

Jisung gulped and left Minho’s lap as the other guy cleared his throat and sat up. “What are you doing here? I thought you would be coming home later. Y-You must be Y/N, nice to…”

You just turned around and walked away, leaving the three men there. Dongmin called out your name, but his voice seemed so distant, even if he was only a couple feet away from you.

You were hurt and feeling hopeless. The sight of your so-called crush making out with his best friend was like a reality check to you: he was never interested in you, not even once. He following you on Twitter meant nothing to him.

You were back at square one. No one has ever shown interest in you, and probably the only person that has ever had feelings for you was Sohee back when you were little kids, but now none of you see each other as nothing more than siblings, which you kind of thank God for.

“I don’t know if I should be happy or if I should kill you two right now.” Dongmin’s voice was low and almost threatening. He took one last look at the two men before going after you while calling out your name.

Dongmin was feeling a mix of emotions. He was surprised, happy for his brother, feeling betrayed for not being told about whatever that was and mad at them for doing that on the couch and right in front of Y/N. But none of those feelings overcame the worry about you and your wellbeing.

When he found you, you had your head low and your shoulders were shaking. You were crying.

“Y/N…” he sat beside you and rubbed your back in a comforting manner.

“No one will ever love me…” your voice was muffled and barely audible for Dongmin. “I’m an unlovable monster.”

“Hey, don’t say that.”

“I mean it,” you sniffed and looked up at him, your cheeks with black strains due to your mascara and tears. “No one ever showed interest in me and when I thought that someone was finally into me I find out he’s gay?! God, my life sucks!”

“We don’t know if he’s gay, he can be bisexual… Who knows,” Dongmin bit his lower lip when he saw your frown. With an hesitant touch, he brushed away your tears and made sure to make the black stains disappear. “But that doesn’t matter right now, does it? Look, you are so beautiful and I bet a lot of people drool over you, but they’re just too shy to tell you.”

“No, no one loves me and no one wants me. I’ll die alone.”

You looked down and heard Dongmin sighing. He was growing frustrated with you and your self-deprecating words, especially because how dare you say that you’re an unlovable monster and will die alone when he was literally right in front of you ready to give you the world if you asked him?

“Y/N, stop it. This is not true at all.”

“And how do you know that? Love is not for me, Dongmin. No one will ever be interested in me anymore.”

“Oh my god,” he stood up abruptly and looked down at your small figure. “Can you just stop with this ‘no one will ever be interested in me’ bullshit? People will be interested in you because you’re not only just a pretty face, you are so much more than that. You’re such a caring person, you always think about what’s the best for your loved ones before even thinking about yourself, you always light up a room with your aura and your smile, the way you express yourself through art is incredible and it’s so cool how you always wear wigs according to your mood or outfit.”

“Dongmin…”

“You are such an amazing person and I’ve noticed that since forever! I won’t stay here and listen to you pity yourself and talk about yourself like that because I am here, Y/N. You want someone who likes you? I am literally here, standing right in front of you. I like how your voice gets higher when you’re talking about something that you’re passionate about, I like how your smile reaches your eyes and they basically disappear, I like how you never let anyone shade you about your wigs and how you accepted the jokes in high school and made those assholes shut up instead of letting them bully you, I like how you’re authentic and are never afraid of being yourself, even in a crowd of strangers. I like you. Very much so.”

“Wow…” You were speechless. Dongmin confessed to you with so much annoyance in his voice, his words reaching your ears so fast that you almost couldn’t process them. You sniffed and gave him a small and awkward smile. “Is there something you don’t like about me?”

Dongmin’s eyes opened wide and he scoffed before smiling and sitting beside you once again. “Yes,” he sighed. “I hate that I’m literally here, pouring my heart out to you and all you can think about is my stupid brother.”

“Who said I’m thinking about him?”

“Damn, you already got over him?”

“No,” you laughed. “I mean, I don’t even know if I have to get over him. I don’t know if I really liked him.”

Dongmin raised his eyebrow and looked at you in confusion. He turned his body towards yours and tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“When he followed me on Twitter I was like ‘oh, okay then’ and that was it. Maybe I was just obsessed with him… I don’t know, it’s weird, y’know?” You sighed, but smiled a bit. “When I saw him and Jisung…. kissing I didn’t cry because the boy I liked was kissing another guy right in front of me, I was crying because the boy that I thought was into me was kissing someone else.”

Dongmin hummed and nodded, his brows furrowed in concentration as he listened to your explanation.

“So you’re saying that I went through hell and back for nothing?”

“Was it really that bad for you?”

“To see the girl I’ve been in love with since I was little falling in love with my brother and me having to help her out to win him over? Oh no, it was fine. It was like a beautiful Sunday morning.”

You laughed and bumped your shoulder against his. “I’m sorry.”

“It happens,” he shrugged. “Plus, it’s nice that this happened ‘cause if it didn’t then I’d probably still be admiring from afar and would never tell you how I feel.”

“Yeah, about that…”

“Don’t,” he cut you off. “You don’t have to say it. I know you don’t feel the same way, I didn’t confess to you expecting you to reciprocate my feelings.”

“I just never saw you that way, but I do think you’re a great person.”

He hissed. “Didn’t help that much.”

“I just- I think I need some space so I can think clearly.”

“I’m not trapping you,” he smiled softly, his smile surprisingly easing your heart. “Take all the time you need, but know that I’ll wait for you. I’ve been waiting for years, I can wait a little bit more.”

“Are you sure?”

“It didn’t kill me before, it certainly won’t kill me now.”

You nodded and smiled. “Thank you… I should go back to my dorm now.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that any of us should come back there for now, but do you really want to go back to your dorm? We could go somewhere else if you feel like it.”

“Nah,” you shook your head and stood up, rubbing your jeans in quick moves to clean up the dust. “I need some time to think about all that happened today, but I appreciate the offer.” “Do you at least want me to walk you home?”

“There’s no need to, but thanks. See you at uni.”

“See ya.”

You started to walk away and Dongmin watched you disappear from his sight. He sighed and took his phone out of his pocket, his thumb hovering Minho’s chat before he clicked on the groupchat, asking his friends if any of them were free and wanted to hang out.

PREV - NEXT