señor flan

I see tons of media where people punch specifically with the knuckles of their middle and ring finger and like, do not

You should punch with your first two knuckles instead

If you punch something relatively solid (like somebody’s face or chest or stomach or kidneys) with your middle knuckles, your hand is more likely to bend in the direction it’s pointing and you could end up spraining or breaking your wrist

This is a picture of my two middle knuckles against a solid wall. You can see the bulk of my hand is at an angle in toward my thumb. You can try this yourself so you can feel the way your hand goes

This is my first two knuckles against the wall. You can see it makes a straighter line down my arm through my hand. It’s a lot more difficult to get it to bend the wrong way, and it’s easier to put more power into punches like jabs.

It’s more natural for our hands to point toward the inside, which is why it’s dangerous to punch in a way that angles your hand incorrectly. If you put power behind that position, you could hurt yourself more than you hurt an attacker.

But also, like, don’t punch people. Use your elbows instead. They hurt WAY more.

Step 1: BUY USED.

Step 2. TAKE NO PRISONERS. NO SRSLY. DO NOT BE NICE. SET YOUR BUDGET AND DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO UPSELL YOU. IF THEY SAY THEY CAN’T DO BETTER, LITERALLY WALK AWAY. LEAVE. THERE ARE PLENTY MORE FISH IN THE SEA/USED CAR DEALERSHIPS.

Step 3: PUT AS MUCH MONEY DOWN AS POSSIBLE.

Step 4: BUY AMERICAN, OR A BRAND THAT DOESN’T COST A LOT TO GET REPAIRED. (For example, I drive a Volkswagen and while it is a great car, parts can be expensive because they’re manufactured in Germany.)

Step 5: DON’T APOLOGIZE NOR BE UNNECESSARILY NICE. YOU ARE AN ICE QUEEN AND THEY MUST ALL BOW BEFORE YOU. IF THE CAR ISN’T WHAT YOU WANT OR NEED, YOU OWE THEM NOTHING. IF THE TERMS ARE NOT IDEAL, YOU OWE THEM NOTHING. IF THEY’RE DESPERATE FOR YOUR BUSINES, YOU. OWE. THEM. NOTHIIIIIING.

Step 6. IF YOU ARE A FEMININE-PRESENTING HUMAN, BRING ALONG A MASCULINE-PRESENTING HUMAN. A lot of people assume women know nothing about cars and will try to take advantage of their presumed ignorance.

Step 7. BE PATIENT. THEY’LL TRY TO MAKE YOU SQUIRM AND SETTLE FOR A LESSER DEAL BY DRAWING OUT THE PROCESS. BRING A BOOK TO READ. BRING SOME FUCKING KNITTING NEEDLES. TAKE THE WHOLE DAY OFF. YOU GOT NOTHIN BUT TIME.

Step 8. THESE STEPS ARE IN A BAD ORDER BUT I HOPE YOU’RE PICKIN UP WHAT I’M PUTTIN DOWN. DO YOUR RESEARCH AHEAD OF TIME. PICK OUT A CAR ONLINE. DECIDE EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT. DO NOT LET THE SALESPERSON CHOOSE A CAR FOR YOU.

Step 9. DO NOT COMPLIMENT THE CAR DURING THE TEST DRIVE. REMAIN PLACIDLY NEUTRAL. GIVE THEM NO LEVERAGE OVER YOU. YOU’RE NOT IN A RUSH, YOU’RE NOT MARRIED TO ANY PARTICULAR CAR, YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF THIS DEAL.

Step 10. DON’T LET THEM TALK YOU INTO SOMETHING. IT’S THEIR JOB TO GET YOU TO BUY MORE CAR THAN YOU NEED.

Buying a Car with the Bitches, Part 1: How to Choose Your Car 

Not all fashion shows have been cancelled.