shit, all we got's doritos and fritos

sorry birthright citizenship just got upheld 5-4? I don’t care if you’re one of the most racist old ghouls alive, how the hell are you making a legal argument against birthright citizenship. how are four of you fuckers going to argue against the constitution when it’s supposed to be your job to agree with it

they love to be like “well it’s not in the constitution so I just couldn’t say” but then when something is an incredibly clear-cut constitutional right they’re like “huh? what?”

we do need to revisit the wording of "you can't have your cake and eat it too" because i don't think it clearly enough conveys that it's more that you can't simultaneously retain a cake and also get to consume it (which would render you cakeless). for years i was like But why not....it's my cake....?

this fucking problem is how they caught the unabomber

hey you should uh. elaborate. for my own personal satisfaction

the unabomber was pedantic about idiomatic phrases like "have your cake and eat it too" and rephrased it to "eat your cake and have it too" (which to be very fair makes sense). fast forward to when he starts writing manifestos. he uses the phrase word for word in his pedantic style and his brother (who has been keeping his eyes on the unabomber shit for obvious reasons) notices the phrase and is like "oh fuck that's my fucking brother no one else fucking says that" and calls in an FBI tip

Well you can't deliberately speak in a way nobody else does and also stay anonymous you know. Can't eat your cake and have it too.

cast iron? yeah thats a pretty common spell to learn

skillet issue

I need to bite something until it breaks. I need to jack off. I need to set fire to a large structure. I need to sprint into the woods