Seeking Haven

Last night was a special night! It what is your monthly anniversary and of course where do we celebrate? Ruby’s diner! This time we took John’s best friend John and Tresa and had such a great couple time. We have never been to the Yorba Linda Ruby’s… We’re trying to visit as many as we can! Ruby’s is important to us because that’s where we met on our first date and then married on the beach below the one in Oceanside. #rubys #rubysdiner @rubysdiner #rubysdinerdatenight #rubysdineryorbalinda #lovelaterlife #cancerwarrior #metavivor #cancerawareness #cancersucks #mbc #metastaticbreastcancer #metastaticbreastcancerawareness (at Ruby's Diner) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo-bFZYFcCr/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=mos3181vapva

Ugh..... I actually hate talking about this… Every time I do it’s just another stab to the heart that I have a terminal cancer. But I do feel I have an opportunity to educate everyone on things I also didn’t know before I was diagnosed. Today is metastatic cancer awareness day. Metastatic breast cancer is breast cancer that has left its original site and is now attacking the body. Today I am resting. Because yesterday was a big day with my baby grandson‘s first birthday. That is the typical life of us Thivors who are trying to juggle a terminal illness and living a life. So while we have good days they’re going to be bad days. And while we look normal on the outside on the inside there is a storm going on. Pain is a constant partner. Feeling out of it from drugs and pain killers is a daily life experience. Have mercy on us. Understand that we may have chemo brain. We forget things. We say inappropriate things. We’re barely hanging on some days. #cancer #cancerawareness #cancerwarrior #cancersucks #metastaticbreastcancer #mbc #metavivor #curecancer (at Ladera Ranch Community) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo4-ho6lUEZ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=l16uycowev4v

Happiest First Birthday to my precious grandson Max! What a blessing you are in my life! And what fun we all had celebrating! I love you for ever Nona a.k.a. grandma Bunny. #maximus #firstbirthday #grandmaslove (at Oceanside, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo488MvFUhG/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=6xbt47kv79kz

OK! There are those moments in life that you never forget! You know those crazy moments when you’re like this is the most amazing thing I’ve ever done or seen! I’ve been putting off posting that John and I went to a horse ranch in Baja to attend a painting workshop. With important birthdays this last week I wanted to wait to post about this incredible adventure we went on! We actually had no idea what this place was like. But I had heard from friends it was fun and a great way to attend a workshop. What we didn’t realize is what an amazing horse ranch it was. It’s run like an original horse ranch in the 1800s. No electricity just lanterns and candles. Totally off the grid. Individual cabins with modern bathrooms but heated by a wood fire stove. You would think this is something that I would not like. But growing up in Northern California all the memories of my childhood came flooding back. There were times in my childhood where we would go out to a ranch .... sometimes riding the horses at my stepfather‘s family‘s ranch and just being in the wild and free natural environment. So at this place in Baja I was able to ride a gentle well trained horse on a rustic trail. Over creek beds through wild fields, under trees and sometimes up a little small ravines. And I loved every moment of it!! When I first sat upon the horse immediately how to ride came flooding back, like riding a bicycle. It’s all muscle memory. I so needed this! To fill whole, to feel human and to feel free again. Those who ride horses know that feeling. It’s exhilarating! I am blessed. I know that. I’ve lead a really incredible adventurous life and it seems to be continuing! Thank you Jesus! #baja #horses #lifeexperience #livingwithcancer #cancerwontstopmefromliving #breastcancer #metastaticbreastcancer #metavivor #goonliving #keepgoing #lifeisbeautiful (at Rancho La Bellota) https://www.instagram.com/p/BowykINFhsO/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=xwozm707powc

Happy first birthday Jason maximus Willie!!! Max you are the light of my life! Everything change the day you were born! My universe shifted now that you have arrived. My life is forever blessed with you in it! You are the happiest, easy-going, and delightful baby I’ve ever met! And of course, those incredibly handsome brown curls! I am so forever grateful that your mommy and daddy brought you into being! God has added you as a huge blessing to my life. Happiest first birthday and I can’t wait to celebrate with you! (at Ladera Ranch, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BouxXA7lDB_/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=m0qiwzr7wzvy

Breast Cancer Awareness Month… Reality for us that have stage 4 is that we will never have a normal life. We will never be off chemo therapy. There is no cure. All we can do is keep pushing the cancer back enough to keep us alive. That is why the diagnosis is 2 to 5 years. I’m fortunate that the current chemo therapy is working and I’m pain-free. My chemo is one week on one week off. When I’m on chemo therapy I start getting more and more tired as the week goes on. By the end of the week I’m just shot. I promise to tell you more about what happened to me. The beginning started in 2011 when after a girlfriend, Adina Leigh Maynard pushed and pushed me to get a mammogram because I had skipped two years. I had almost 10 years of completely clear mammograms and a risk factor of zero. Everything in my life pointed to me never having breast cancer. So I wasn’t too concerned. I finally went ahead and got that mammogram only to find out they want to see me again in six months. Again I did not want to do a second mammogram I definitely thought I didn’t need it. Adina pushed me again to have it this time they did what was called a diagnostic mammogram. It took ittle bit more time and they use a different machine. I finished my mammogram got dressed and the nurse told me everything was fine and to go ahead and leave. I got into the elevator and as the door closed I heard someone banging and banging on the elevator door, I re-open the door only defined the nurse standing there. She said the doctor wanted me to come back and to do one more quick mammogram view for him to get a complete look. I was really pissed off as I was on a time crunch and really didn’t want to spend all this extra effort. I went ahead and had the second view done. And then waited and waited and waited for a nurse to finally come out and ask me to come in and talk to the doctor. When I went in, the radiologist said that he was very concerned about some calcifications in my left breast and wanted me to have a biopsy. I told him no way! I don’t have the money and I really don’t think it’s necessary. He was so adamant that he would not let me leave until he found a way to pay for it. More on Facebook (at Ladera Ranch, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BohaqosFeny/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=szx1f0eyqs4p

October is breast cancer awareness month and I am going to continue to talk about my journey and things at her helping me. I just finished a gentle yoga class for cancer patients. And it’s not easy! Not easy to get myself there and not easy to actually take the class but I need to do it. I need to strengthen my body and my core! If you remember the first year I was diagnosed Stage 4, I radiation to my right hip. Then spinal surgery to remove a cancerous vertebrae and to stabilize my spine. All of this caused me to lose muscle mass. I’m determined to try and fix that increase my muscle mass so I had can have more of a normal life. I’m going to go backwards in my journey. Most of you know now I’m on my third round of chemo therapy. I do feel it’s working. And my first scan showed that my liver masses are smaller and disappearing. This is why am trying to achieve somewhat of a normal life. Exhaustion and fatigue get the best of me so I have to really push myself. This is where I am today in my journey… I’ll continue to share what happened and how I’m dealing with it now. #breastcancer #stage4cancer#metastaticbreastcaner #curecancer #cancer #gentleyoga #yogaforcancer #cancersucks #stage4cancer #metavivor #mbc #breastcancerawareness (at Hoag Cancer Center Irvine) https://www.instagram.com/p/BofBJXcFRxx/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=hffd2ql5px0x

Happy birthday Madison Walker! The moment you were born I was so thrilled to have you as my daughter. You’ve had such a spunky spark and continue to amaze me in everything you do. Not only your drive to be on top academically but more important you have turned out to be the best mother I’ve ever seen in my Life. There are no words that can describe how proud I am of you! I know whatever you do in life you will do the most best. And even in your challenges you fight through. I am so blessed that you are my daughter. I love you forever mom (at Ladera Ranch, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoesZRelbGL/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=fbpvuexouoju

Breast Cancer Awareness Month! It’s very bittersweet for me. It was the month that I also was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. That means my breast cancer that I thought was cured when I was stage one, somehow laid dormant for 4 1/2 years. Then cancer decided to land in my bones. We found out because my right hip was hurting and I was starting to have a difficult time walking. And that is the beginning of my journey which I will try and share the rest of this month. Today I would like to have you all think of the people in your life they have breast cancer, and reach out to them. The smallest thing can mean the biggest thing to them. If you don’t have the time or means simply a card telling them you care and you’re thinking of them would help. And the biggest help to us battling this cancer monster is your time. If you can offer up an hour or two to help us with whatever we need. Cancer is a horrible journey and all of us should help those on it. #cancer #stage4cancer #breastcancer #breastcancerawarenessmonth #metavivor #curecancer #youcanhelp #giveyourtime #cancersucks #metastaticbreastcancer #itsnotpink #mbc #cancerwarrior #cancerawareness #cancerfighter (at Ladera Ranch, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BocDoi5FpfB/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1mq0ml6xvr2hp

I recorded this the week I was off chemo… That’s when I feel like a human being! It’s something I’ve been thinking about for quite a long time and finally feel like it’s time to launch. Time for me to write and share so I’ve started a blog called Wisdom seeds. I hope I can continue this for a long long time. I feel like I have so many stories to share and so many things that I learned about later in life that I wish I knew years before. So this week I’ll start it and I hope it blesses and inspires everyone! #wisdomseeds #wisdomseeds.life #cancer #cancerwarrior #stage4cancer #lovelaterinlife #metavivor #cancersucks #shareyourstory #blog #advice #wisdom #momstories #adventurelife #miraclelife #lifeofmiracles #miracles #lifewellived #lifestories #momadvice #exsinglemom #godisgood #godisfaithful #walkingwithmethroughlife #wisdomblog (at Ladera Ranch Community) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoHoLnSl1S0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=sp32we5r4al9

Fantastic news! The newest chemo therapy is working! The small lesions on my liver have disappeared and large lesions are getting smaller!!! Thank you for the prayers and good wishes! Very happy that it’s actually working well. I can stay on this as long as it keeps pushing down the cancer. Once it no longer stops cancer growth...I can move onto another chemo or by then maybe they’ll have a new drug or CURE! #cancer #breastcancer #stage4 #metavivor #metastaticbreastcancer #stage4cancer #mbc (at Ladera Ranch Community) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnZ83A2FQkc/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=z7geixbx7asg

Another scan! Hoping this new chemo is working! #cancersucks #cancer #cancerwarrior #metastaticbreastcancer #metavivor #lovelaterinlife #mbc (at NewportCare Medical Group) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnWwOk7lkaU/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=o3f0hzctfti2

CANCER CURE!!! The truth is there is no cure for cancer. There is only ways of treating it. The best way for those of us in chemotherapy is to eat a healthy normal diet. All of the alternative methods have never been proven to cure cancer. In fact, many of the suggested alternative methods can actually cause the cancer to grow more. Those of us fighting cancer, we put trust in those that have done years of research and education to find proven methods to fight this beast! My oncologist has been doing his job for 35 years including research. I trust him over anything on the Internet. For those of us with cancer, we ask you to realize that we have done our own research and we are doing what we know is best for ourselves. So thank you for caring but realize your suggested alternative method may be something we choose not to pursue. #cancer #cancercure #trustinmedicine #breastcancer #supportcancerresearch #helpusbeatcancer #givetocurecancer #metavivor #mbc #metastaticbreastcancer #stage4 #stage4cancer (at Ladera Ranch Community) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnEtbsGFIkx/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=552s0bmpz0k3

Percent verse today! I have kind of a dark cloud over my head. So I took the time to take care of myself. Taking a warm bath and relaxing. Taking the time to pray. Still don’t feel like it’s completely gone but I do trust in God.... that he’s got my back… Even in this journey. I’m on my chemo week cycle… My third cycle… Of this new chemo… It’s probably messing with my body and my head… So I just need to relax and trust. #godisgood #god #trustingod #cancersucks #cancerwarrior #cancer #breastcancer #metastaticbreastcancer #mbc #stage4cancer (at Ladera Ranch, California)

It’s hard for me being a Christian in today’s culture. To even admitted so because it’s so offensive to everyone, to the world. But I am. And I am so incredibly happy that I am giving this journey that I’m on. I have a relationship with God, Jesus, this is why am able to endure. My life has been a difficult one and I have every reason to be bitter angry and sad. But I’m not. I appreciate each day God has given me. And I know where I’m going after this life so there’s peace in me. “We believe the Bible is God’s love letter to humanity. It’s for people who do not want to be controlled by their passions; people who do not want so much pain in life; and people who want better relationships with others. The Bible is for people who want to know the purpose of this life and enter Heaven in the next one.” Greg Laurie http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-laurie-socal-harvest-bible-ads-20180817-story.html (at Ladera Ranch Community)

It was one of those serendipitous moments. When we were at the farmers market on our first day in Yachets, Oregon we purchased some gorgeous Dalias and met the woman who grew them. After talking with her she gave us her number and said we were welcome to come visit her and see her garden. So yesterday we went and my goodness it was spectacular. Betsy the Dahlia lady was full of incredible information and stories for us. She allowed me to photograph with my iPhone as much as I wanted and she shared with us her love of a growing the flowers. It’s a moment I won’t forget and I do hope one day I get we get to go back and visit her. #dalia #daliaflowers #Waldport #oregon #oregoncoast #oregonbeauty #flower #lovelaterinlife #timetogether #relax #travel (at Waldport, Oregon)

Or I’ll find the grand journey. We flew into Portland and were able to perfectly time it to meet up with Esther and Bella for lunch. And then we decided to drive straight to the coast over the Windee road past hundreds a little wineries. Someday will come back and visit them. In the meantime we are taking in the breathtaking Oregon coast line. This is a much needed place a rest in peace. #breastcancer #metavivor #metastaticbreastcancer #stage4cancer #cancerwarrior #oregon #oregoncoast #portland #rest #peace #relaxation #blessed #friendsrock (at Yachats, Oregon)