What is Love?

first rule of parasite infection is to have fun and be yourself

second rule is to start being something else

Everyone say thank you sanitation workers we owe you our lives sanitation workers

trauma dumpling

Having electricity in my home is so great. Most of the humans that have ever lived didn't have this.

Pro Tip: Dumplings can prevent the negative status condition Passive Suicidality

You guys are always like "being crushed by 10,000 tons of rock probably feels good as hell" or "being torn to pieces by hunting dogs would low key fix me" and I feel like those things would actually be unpleasant.

How about "Drinking an ice cold strawberry milkshake probably feels good as hell". Do you guys like that one.

Not enough people talking about how well broccoli holds a sauce

Give me less "being kind requires zero effort" and more "being kind is worth the effort it takes."

at my local thrift warehouse where nothing’s priced and you make an offer on all the stuff you find. well i told the person at the register i’m on a budget and didn’t know if i could afford a rug i wanted and asked what they’d take for it and without missing even half a beat they said “how about a cup of blood?” then they started hopping up and down like a cheerleader and said “cup! of! blood!”

we settled on seventeen dollars cash.

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

im a protected species you fucking asshole

t shirt that says I MISS EVERYONE I WAS EVER FLEETINGLY CLOSE TO SO MUCH THAT IT KILLS