25. hit wizard.

“Fine, I’ll just zip it myself,” she said, reaching back to zip up her dress herself, struggling with it for a minute. “I mean, you’ve been through some fucked up shit. I don’t, I wouldn’t know how to face it.”

He stared at her ceiling for a moment as she finished getting dressed, thinking about everything, all at once. "I always said I didn’t want to be my father - but look at me. Jesus, look at what I’ve... I’m no better than he was. An angry drunk who cares more about his bottle than...." Sebastian trailed off, shaking his head as he closed his eyes. It made him sick to his stomach, to think of what he'd let himself become.

“Is that any way to talk to your favourite cousin?” Daphne spoke with a hint of a smile. “You know I could give your Christmas gift to Sam instead.”

Originally posted by amunetblack

“Oh, wow, I’m super scared now. It’s almost as if I grew up with no christmas gifts, and don’t give a shit.” He replied, scoffing. “And you’re not my favorite cousin.”

Jackie rolled her eyes at her brother’s comment, “Just zip it up, this is the rest of it,” she replied. “Are you ready to face all that though? You know without the aid of alcohol?”

“I’m not zipping that up.” He replied easily, shrugging as he lay across her bed, placing his arms behind his head and looking at the ceiling. “Guess I’ve got to be. I can’t use it as a crutch my whole life, Jax. Or, well, I guess I could, but even I know that’s some fucked up shit I want no part of.”

“Why the fuck would you do that?” Lose a bet with Lenny or something?” Sam asked.

“No, I didn’t lose a bet.” He snapped, turning away from his brother. “And I don’t want to talk about my hair.”

“Don’t take this wrong man, but you two are the same kind of fuck up when it comes down to it. You just work, maybe you were healthy for eachother but you worked.” He shrugged and shook his head. “So how are you going to fix it?”

“I don’t know.” He admitted, biting the inside of his cheek as he thought. “I’ve never wanted to fix anything before, I don’t know what to do.” Sebastian had always just left a wake of what he assumed were broken hearts, broken relationships, burned bridges. He had never looked back to see. He was lost.

Bailey mirrored his actions. “Not enough,” she replied. “Don’t you try and test me, Casey. I basically helped raised my little sister after my mom left. I’m impassive to this childish bullshit you want to pull.”

“Congratulations. I’m not your brother.” He said dourly, sighing in frustration. The company had been nice, for a moment, but now he was wishing he hadn’t opened the door at all. “I don’t give a shit what you think, I’m not hungry. I ate, you can go.”

“Without being approved for field work? Not a chance,” Hamish practically scoffed. “I’ve managed to remain in this position for over twenty years, I’m not about to risk that by giving you field work.”

“I’ve been approved.” He grumbled, taking the paper out of the top drawer of his desk and letting it fall between them. “All signed off, dotted and crossed.” Sebastian sighed, leaning back in his chair. “They’re just not assigning me to anything. Like I wasn’t just as fucked up before.”

“Have they said anything at all about giving you cases? How long are they keeping you out?”

“They have said that I am signed off and cleared for field work - back to normal. Except I’m not back to normal, because they’re still tip toeing around me like I’m gonna snap if I go back out there.”

Lennox nodded and got to work making the trace to place it. “You’ve been doing a hell of a job man. It’s been a month. Can you believe that?” He said as he turned back around with the trace and lined it up.

“Yeah, I can. It’s fucking dragging by.” He scowled, holding still while Lennox affixed the paper to his skin and started transferring it. “It sucks, people are actually sober like, all the time? And they don’t go crazy?”

Sam did as he said, looking to find it was juice and laughing. “Sober and drinking like a ten year old.” He laughed standing to give his brother a man hug. “Proud of you man. Really. What sparked this? Ivy?” He asked.

“Look, there’s not a lot of options, don’t remind me.” He grumbled, but rolled his eyes good naturedly. Sebastian clapped him on the back as he hugged him, Sam’s reaction was infectious - it made him feel good, proud of himself. “Uh, yeah, I guess.” He met his gaze. “Yeah. Yeah, it was Ivy. Or, well, I guess, both of us.”

“Well you’re starting to sound like the old Sebastian, so it’s working,” she replied. “It may not fix it, but soup is something to eat and like I said, you need to eat. I’m not forcing you into healing quickly, or forcing you to talk, but you need to eat.”

“Fuck off.” Was his only reply as he leaned back, crossing his arms and putting his feet up on the coffee table next to the bowl of soup. He wasn’t about to tell Bailey, but it was more than he’d eaten in days, so it was a step in the right direction, he supposed. “I ate.”

Nova raised her eyebrows. “I’m probably literally the most boring person ever right now. All I do is work. Literally.”

“Okay, boring is good. Boring doesn’t make me want to claw my own eyes out.” Sebastian sighed. “Plus, they’re still keeping me out of the field, so it’s not like I already know what you’ve been up to.”

“You are more than you give yourself credit for Seb.” Holland said gently, resting her hand on his shoulder. “This is the hardest I’ve seen you work on something since we were in school.” 

Sebastian shrugged, not sure he agreed with her. He’d let himself slip - sure, he seemed fine on the outside. He wasn’t messy as a person, but he was a mess within his own mind, and it was harder to sort through than he’d thought. “You do realize how sad that is, don’t you?”

“And what is it they are saying?” Hamish asked, not entirely certain he wanted to involve himself in whatever was going on.

“That I’m back to normal work, or whatever.” He sighed, reaching for the rubber band ball he’d made with his down time this week. “Hey, you don’t have a case I could get in on, do you?”