Welcome To Chopped

One day I hope I am the girl that walks into a room and all eyes are on her. 

The trick is to get a really big hat and then scream

Had a dream that McDonald’s had a big ad campaign that just said “WE HAVE IT” in black cryptic writing. So I went to a drive thru and said “I saw the sign. Can I have it” and the speaker was silent for a solid ten seconds before saying “do you think you’re ready” in my voice and I screamed and drove away

Is he an alien

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen

she was an anime character announcing her attack

Goth Clowns are just Mimes 

My gf who works with clowns says that mimes came first so technically clowns are just Scene Mimes 

Your gf who works with clowns

you can tell a lot by a womans hands, for instance, she has hooves? horse. 

Wow.. she has such a way with worms…

god today i ID’d an old dude buyin booze and he pulled out a fake ID with an elvis pic, then laughed and pulled out a matching one but with curly from three stooges on it, and im like okay please and he finally pulled out his real license and his legal name was steve sinner

that was the devil

*bartender slides my drink to me from across the bar and i fucking fling it back twice as hard*

can you believe people sit down and, they sit down and they turn on country music…..and they listen to it and they have a good time. 

can u believe that some people actually have different music tastes then you?

i know it’s you tim mcgraw