the HUNGER, I have so many fantasies about big meaty sandwiches and every kind of dessert. yesterday on my lunch break I bought a container of port wine cheese and dipped crackers into it *while driving.* had a second large serving of it around 10 a.m. this morning for second breakfast/first lunch. 4ish meals/day are my norm. still have only gained 2 pounds above pre-pregnancy weight?

the heartburn :(

feel like it’s still too early to do stuff like pack a hospital bag or install the car seat but I feel so anxious about there being all these things hanging over my head that I need to do that I’m afraid I won’t be able to settle until everything is in place. will I ever feel like everything is in place or will I just keep thinking of new things that need to be done?

probably will feel better/less anxious if I just do the things that actually make sense to do at this stage, like taking the birth class and buying a crib!

Entering a phase of nesting and resting.

I’ve been finding out lately that the more pregnant you get, the harder it is to maintain your privacy and bodily autonomy. People want to treat your pregnancy as public information and like they are entitled to know everything that is going on with you, can touch you on the stomach and treat you as a vessel carrying this other person that they intend to have a relationship with that is separate from you so your experience as an autonomous person is no longer relevant. I read this thing somewhere, can’t remember if it was in a book or someone I know said it on social media, but it’s like, “everything is happening to you but nothing is about you.” Can anyone tell me who said that? Because it’s true and I imagine will only intensify postpartum.

1. Warm bath

2. Roasted veg

3. Clean house

4. Great British Baking Show

5. Wearing socks

6. Going to Trader Joe’s

7. Being with my dogs

8. Weird chia seed drinks

9. Reading books

2. What could I have accomplished in the last year if I hadn’t spent it being so singularly focused on one thing that was largely out of my control anyway?

3. I’ve gained weight recently and am terrified I won’t be able to start clomid next month because of it and I hate that that’s a factor I have to even worry about.

4. I am so high key grumpy today I keep accidentally saying “yuck” out loud in my office as I react to things on social media.

- Davo got promoted to a management position today and our horrific financial luck is suddenly correcting itself so now if my ovaries could just get it together that would be lovely!

- starting to talk a little about maybe taking a real honeymoon next spring (2+ years after the wedding, but who’s counting). may as well have a last hurrah since I’m not gonna be pushing out a baby before then.

- we have Positive Attitudes tonight and we went out for ice cream.