#letrozole

I haven't posted about my art in a while due to my major health issues.

From March 12, 2023, when I first located the lump in my left breast, to the present, it has been heart wrenching and challenging. I no longer have my father or mother, both have sadly passed away, to help me through this.

And I don't want to be a burden on my children.

My siblings ... have always been and continues to be distance ... which is the saddest part of going through any terminal illness alone. But sometimes, you have to walk away from what hurt you and you can't go back [no matter how much it breaks your heart ... God knows your journey.].

After being in remission for ovarian cancer from 2018 until 2023, I was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer with numerous bone metastasis.

The illness and treatment have drastically impacted my physical and mental health to the point where I have not been fully active. It has taken a toll on me.

Everything has changed. I am sad to admit, also, that many people have also changed. This is a devastating and horrible disease that no one should have to journey alone. But 'it is what it is' and I must keep fighting, whether with support or on my own.

I will always have God.

Cancer takes away everything. Each day is a battle, but this is my journey and forward I must go.

Stay safe. Be kind. Be humble. Be human.

Fun fact: Did you know that Letrozole is a hormone based chemotherapy drug that is used treat breast cancer? The medication decreases the amount of estrogen produced by the body to slow or reverse the growth of breast cancer cells. But for me, and anyone else using letrozole for infertility, the goal is for Letrozole to suppress my estrogen levels so that my brain (the pituitary gland) will increase the amount of follicle stimulating hormone (FSH). This will allow my ovaries to develope a mature follicle and release an egg, essentially inducing ovulation. In some cases more than one follicle will mature and release an egg, which is how I got pregnant with twins in 2020. Here's to hoping that doesn't happen again.

I'm feeling all the things right now. Hopeful, excited, scared, nervous, sad, and very anxious. There are so many ways this goes sideways. Ways I haven't even experienced yet. I'm not even pregnant yet and my head is spinning with all the ways I could lose a baby. This is what loss does to a person.

After an excruciating wait, we finally had our follow-up with Dr. Elliot. He agrees with our thoughts that endometriosis might be a concern with my unexplained infertility (as it is with ~30% of unexplained infertility cases) and the pain/discomfort I have been experiencing.

Dr. Elliot has suggested that we hold off on IVF Round 2 until I have a laparoscopy. My need is seen as somewhat urgent so I will be closer to the top of the list to get this done. He is hopeful I can have my surgery booked for November/December, as long as this 4th wave of COVID does not put a pause on elective surgeries. If it does, he worries it might be more than 6 months before we get this done.

Until my laparoscopic surgery I will be continuing with Letrozole cycles so we can at least feel like we are doing something. After my laparoscopy we will move on to our final round of IVF with a much more aggressive protocol. We hope to end up with enough embryos for me to try a few transfers and/or proceed with finding a surrogate.

On the adoption front… we will be having our virtual Initial Interview and Application Meeting early October. However, that is as far as the process will go for us until their next Education Seminar at the end of January. In 2022 our perspective parent file will be open but we will still be at the mercy of being chosen. A process that can take 1-10 years.

I won’t lie and say this doesn’t all suck. When we started fertility treatment a year ago I thought by now we would definitely at least have a baby on the way or even another miscarriage. Right now I am feeling further away from the goal than ever. Luckily, we are working with an agency that allows you to pursue fertility treatments while you wait for a match. So we don’t yet have to make a choice on which road to go down, we can at least go down all of them simultaneously.

She struggled to get the catheter in which was pretty painful - she even had to press on my stomach, but once I reminded her I have a tipped uterus she got it right in.

Some spotting, lots of cramping 4 hours later, but otherwise I feel good.