Alright girls, you know what we need to do
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@scribblerernest
Alright girls, you know what we need to do

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who is telling men that having gray in their hair is ugly. why are they fucking lying
who is telling women that having gray in their hair is ugly!!!!!!! why are they fucking lying!!!!!!!
My dad was dealing with some mixed feelings so I told him "In therapy when something is too complicated to do a simple 'pro and contra list' we sometimes do an excercise where you imagine all these mixed feelings around a table in some kind of conference, letting each tell their bit and you leading the debate."
and my dad didn't really respond and just stared ahead so I kept preparing lunch. Until a few minutes later when he suddenly piped up: "I am having a bad time at the conference"
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I have to reblog this every time because frankly this is absolutely genius prose
A story in two parts đđđ
Our home security system is being updated today, and the guy in charge is just peak Gen Z, no professional fucks given vibe and itâs hysterical.
âI mean, Iâm supposed to recommend stuff, like you should probably put a sensor on that window too, but like, thatâs really a you decision. I just have to say this stuff out loud so I donât get sued if you get broken into.â
âSo, like, just to clarify, you donât want the cameras, right? Only I need to make sure because sometimes people say no on the phone, and then when Iâm leaving, they ask me why I havenât installed the cameras yet, and Iâm just like, thatâs a you problem, Iâm going home.â
*leaning around the corner of my office to talk to me* âHey, do you know where [Mothman] went? Actually, never mind, youâre probably the detail-oriented one. I can tell by the *gestures at my candy-floss-colored goth office* whatever this is.
So like, the new alarm panel is smaller than the old one, and the old one pulled off some of the paint, I can try to hide it, but it wonât be perfect⌠You donât care? Sweet. Iâm always ready for people to yell at me.â
âHey, so I need to test the smoke alarm before we put it up, but I donât want to frighten your little dog. Iâll try to muffle it, but you might want to hold her.â *clutching the alarm to his abdomen like Steve Rogers falling on a grenade* âIâm sorry little dog, Iâm so sorry.â

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Chris Pine refuses to answer the question âWould you swipe left or right for Anna Kendrick on Tinder?â and instead gives this response
Still canât believe that this same man had to sit next to someone who could only say âMy favorite thing about the movie is that it feels like a movieââŚ
âembrace uglinessâ sure but why are womenâs neutral traits considered ugliness in the first place
less romanticizing high school more media about how being 17 is the worst human experience imaginable

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I've had enough of society being catered to morning people.. it's time for everything to be pushed back like two hours
when you have plans in the morning you can still live an eventful & fulfilling life afterwards but when you've got plans in the afternoon? well that's your whole day