Pursuant to Your Request

as the  days get shorter and the nights            get                 longer the bad feelings get                 stronger

So warm: that salt, that heat was heroin. I entered the Land of the Lotus Eaters and stayed dreaming-- and all the while, you quivered under me. Oh! You Ridiculous Woman, why can’t I get rid of you?

now home, safe lighting, with roses on your cheeks.

and so, I left her, and went back to my love.

(It seemed to imply some sort of sadness, some kind of nod to self-medication while at the same time derision of having to get high, legally or illegally,  to be happy. )

...thanks. eat meat without the animal bleating,        bleeding, out,  goddamnit, I wish I could crack an egg and not think of that chicken’s scrambled brain cage too small to move shit on by the other                     above her beside her   chickens    beside her                    below her for fuck’s sake, why can’t I order a burger in peace?

a. Sadness      i.  Why did I feel like      ii.  I was the one      iii. doing something wrong?      iv. you were the one      v.  screwing her,      vi. not me. b. Hurt      i.  When sometimes the      ii.  morning, hangs,       iii. translucent on      iv. my windowpane      v.  (i think) how nicely would      vi. you fit!,       vii. in this portrait, water-color      viii. eyes

Come back, now, (it says) come back-- come on back--, (please)

or, maybe, it was that I was stoned.

up under bridge came crawling out to wrap cold hearts in...                                    cellophane sewage?                                    (no, that doesn’t sound right.)

                                            water

the way she smiles i wonder at my photo graphic and ro mantic incli nations want to station tripod kodak save that go back moment of truth I love you too

they fucked me with my tampon in, I wasn’t safe, not safe at all.

your kisses are butterflies landing; the soft, quick way you purse your lips-- to land on mine softer, softer than anything i’ve known...

I put my heart in your hands! careful how you turn your  palms, flex your fingers for it hurts oh god  it hurts.

that last smile, that backward glance thrown down-- Goodbye!-- like cherry blossoms falling, clinging  to the gilded cage that                                      carries you a-                                                           way,                                                        a-                                                           way,                                                        a-                                                           way plastered to the muddy ground.