STEVERT FUCCING BUSCEMI

Under communism the wait staff will not ask if Pepsi is okay. You will not even find out that's its Pepsi instead of coke until you take your first sip. Unless you train like me, to know the difference from the sound of the Fizz alone, that is the only way we can beat communism and I can teach you. Take my hand. Not like that you grabbed it gay. Stop. Giggles. I SAID STOP

How to tell if the scientist you're talking to is a chemist or an astrophysicist: Ask them if carbon is a metal

bitching and moaning should lez out

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

can you put that thing on a leash?

They don't want you to know this but K and G are actually the same sound. You just vibrate your vocal cords for the second one. Same thing with T and D. And S and Z. This thing goes straight to the top.

You might think R is a consonant. It is. (Quietly) It is. But dark things happen with that little glyph. It has powers beyond the ordinary phoneme.

Everything's the same except for the ways in which they are different.

When they make me god Themperess of philosophy, I'm sorting out all this difference and similtude nonsense. I think we only need maybe ten categories tops.

it must feel good as fuck to walk on the surface tension of water as a bug