How to Help a Friend With StPD (Schizotypal Personality Disorder)
cyclopsrose helped me write this guide on supporting someone with StPDâSchizotypal Personality Disorder. This illness doesnât get enough representation, so thank you for all your help!
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1.    Thereâs this misconception that people with StPD donât want to have friends. We do want to have friends and we do value friendship, but we have difficulty maintaining friendships because itâs exhausting for us. It takes a lot of energy for us to be social. When weâre with other people, we sometimes have a hard time relating to other people, and thus we may feel we donât belong, or we donât quite fit in. This may cause us to feel irritated, paranoid, or even in pain during social situations.
So if we start to drift away it most likely isnât a reflection of you. Keep in touch with us. Just send us a text every once in a while reminding us that you still want to be our friend.
2.    On that note, because socializing is exhausting for people with StPD, sometimes we need time alone to ârecharge,â which is similar to what people with social anxiety experience. Unfamiliar social situations with unfamiliar people can be especially distressing for us. While you may have the best intentions, encouraging us to hang out more âfor our own goodâ may just cause us more anxiety.
3.    Itâs hard for us to keep up in conversations. We have a hard time translating our thoughts into words that other people understand. You may notice that sometimes we seem to âshut down,â giving one-word responses or just using body language. Again, this doesnât mean weâre bored, nor is it a reflection of you: talking is just hard for us, thatâs all. Please try not to take it personally. If weâre still making an effort to maintain a friendship with you, odds are we really value you.
4.    Socializing is exhausting in part because we have to manage our anxiety stemming from our fear of being âoddâ or âdifferent.â Weâre intensely afraid of being judged or labeled as such. Telling us that the way we think, dress, or act is âweirdâ doesnât help us at all; this type of criticism is actually what gets to us most. Donât tell us that we need to change, even in a joking matter.
5.    Much of StPD is distressing: the anxiety we feel maintaining friendships and opening up to people, the paranoia regarding how we think others perceive us, and the depression. But not everything about StPD, especially the part about our personality, needs to be changed or needs treatment. We like our individuality; how we think, feel, dress, act, and speak is unique! While we do need support to help us get through the depression, anxiety etc and we do seek treatment for these symptoms, we donât need to change who we are. Weâre not looking to be completely rid of our StPD.
Again, telling us that weâre âweirdâ or âdifferentâ just makes it hard for us to trust you. We are much more comfortable if weâre encouraged to express ourselves the way we want.
6.    Sometimes we have a hard time interpreting social cues. Weâre always looking for signs that we donât belong or that you think weâre weird. It really helps when you reassure us that you donât hate us, even if it seems obvious to you that you care for us.
7.    Part of StPD involves a symptom called âmagical thinking,â which is similar to what people with OCD or schizophrenia may experience. Weâll see ordinary thingsâsuch as character on TV looking into the cameraâand feel itâs a sign meant for usâthat TV character is directly communicating with us or using the TV to spy on us. We may be paranoid that someone is out to kill us, or that someone is trying to read our thoughts. Sometimes weâre aware that what weâre feeling is not based on reality, but sometimes we arenât. These experiences, in the heat of the moment, feel extremely real to us. After the thoughts have passed, we usually can see that these âsignsâ werenât signs at all, and we can even laugh it off sometimes. But magical thinking is a symptom of StPD, and has nothing to do with intelligence. If we tell you about one of our delusions, donât laugh at us or tell us weâre âtoo intelligentâ to believe these things. An easy way to help us without furthering the delusion is to say âDo you need space to calm down?â, and then you can take us away from the distressing situation and to a safe space instead.
8.    We really do NOT like being touched without permission. If you want to give us a hug, please ask!