Creature, creature; what are your features?!

then; a little stuffed tiger showed up, sitting right by your door. attached to it? another note.

“You're as cute as this tiger <3.”

The handwriting was so neat, so beautiful—and so, so filled with love.

“i just don’t know who would be writing these notes to me, semiu..” you were pouting, head resting on your hand as you sat by the woman at her desk. semiu hummed softly, inspecting the letter that you had shown her.

white eyebrows rose up, and carefully, semiu adjusted her glasses on the bridge of her nose, before leaning in again, carefully inspecting every curve of the beauitful writing. “looks like you’ve got a secret admirer, girl.”

your face flushed bright red. “a secret admirer?” semiu nodded. “yea, you know, a boy or girl who’s got the feels for you—, but is too scared to say anything.” your mind blanked. Who would like you in that way? “would you happen to know who’s writing these?”

semiu smiled. “nope, not at all, y/n.” she was totally lying. But who were you to know that?

The next day when you came out of the dining hall from  breakfast, there was a gift bag hung from your door knob. Inside of the bag, was a beautiful charm bracelet. Attached to the bracelet? Another note.

“Hmmm…I wonder what your ring size is? Maybe that will be your next gift, pretty! :) –Your secret admirer.” 

And god, was the bracelet beautiful. A silver toned charm bracelet with an adorable gem-studded heart charm on it. One charm on the bracelet was a tiger, and the other, a star. Whoever your secret admirer was, they had money, that was for sure. 

With a small smile, and a beat of your heart, you rushed off to the dining room once more, heading over to where Zanka, Enjin, and Rudo sat. 

You shoved Rudo over just a bit, slamming the little note down on the table in front of the boys, along with the charm bracelet, and quickly moved to sit down right beside Zanka.

“I have a secret admirer!” Your voice held great pride as you blurted those words out. Carefully, enjin grabbed the note, skimming over it before eyeing Zanka with a raised brow. Zanka glared, which went unnoticed by you. 

Carefully, the teen grabbed the bracelet from Rudo, who had grabbed it to examine its beauty. Zanka feigned ignorance as he studied the charms, before moving to face you. “You must be feelin’ very lucky, huh?” His voice was smooth as he grabbed your wrist, and carefully clasped the bracelet around it for you.

You beamed, nodding wildly as you shook the bracelet.

“They always leave me notes in the morning and before bed! This is the second gift they’ve gotten me! It’s really making me feel special.”

Rudo smiled at that. “I bet you do feel special, Y/n!” The boy was happy to see you so happy.

Even Enjin began to grin. “Yea, I’ve never seen you grin like that since Rudo flung poop on Zanka–” Zanka scowled. “Do we have to always bring that up?” He sighed out, before turning to look at you. “Do you like the gifts they’ve been sending you?” You nodded, smiling widely as you continued to admire your new charm bracelet.

“Oh, I adore them, Zanka! Whoever is doing this is such a sweetie-pie.”

Zanka’s blushing face didn’t go unnoticed by Enjin and Rudo, who both smiled to themselves in acknowledgement. 

Days and days went by and everyday was something new from your secret admirer. 

“Your uniform is so beautiful on you…You are always so pretty, Y/n.”

“Maybe soon I will confess my love to you.” “You mean so much to me, and you don’t even know it.”

“I wish I could kiss you.”

“I will love you for eternity, Y/n..”

All signed off by your secret admirer. 

You only wished that you knew who was doing this. You wanted to know who was behind the notes, and who was making you feel so loved and appreciated, and most of all, beautiful. 

It was around ten at night when you heard rustling outside of your door, and the sound of someone messing with it. You shot up out of bed–clad in your oversized sleep shirt. Your tiger plushie clung tight to your chest.

Could that be them? 

Slowly getting up, you walked towards the door, mind racing with a million thoughts an hour. You could feel your heart rate speeding up. This is it…You were going to finally see who was leaving these notes. 

Carefully, you snuck over to your door. They were still outside, you could hear them. 

In a flash, you threw your door wide open, the note that was left taped to it flew off, and the man behind the door jumped back a million miles away.

A pale hand gripped a clothed chest, blue eyes were wide with shock as Zanka stared at your pajama-clad form. 

Fuck-...You caught him. 

“...Zanka?” Your eyes widened, you gripped the tiger close to your chest as you stared at the boy. He hung his head in shame, brown hair hanging just over his eyes. “Welp…ya caught me, huh?” He looked up, giving you a closed eyed smile as he shrugged his shoulders shyly. “...Surprise…” He let out an awkward chuckle. 

In an instant, you flung your arms around the taller boy, giggling loudly as you practically swung his body around. “YOU ARE MY SECRET ADMIRER?!” God, you sounded so happy. Zanka could melt then and there.

He laughed, steadying your swaying form as he hugged you back, one hand gently holding your lower back as he pulled you impossibly close. “If ya scream any louder, everyone’s gonna know..” he laughed.

“I’m so happy..” Zanka felt his heart speed up. “I’m so happy too, y/n…”

Slowly he looked down, staring into your eyes and smiling, nothing but love in his gaze as he pressed a gentle kiss to your nose. “I was going to reveal myself tomorrow…But, you caught me a little early.” You giggled. “You weren’t sneaky this time, mister.”

He nodded. “No, I wasn’t…You caught me so quick.” He pressed another kiss to your temple. 

Qifrey knew that he should have stopped weeks ago.

Perhaps months.

Any reasonable person would have recognized the warning signs.

Unfortunately, Qifrey had never been particularly reasonable when it came to the people he cared about. Every step forward seemed to uncover three more questions about the Brimmed Caps.

The evidence of his persual sat plainly before him: cups of tea that you made him went untouched and left to cool, the increasingly frantic arrangements of notes and maps on his desk, untouched meals, and most important of all, you.

He knows you know he was spiralling, the desperation of finding the Brimmed Caps catching up to him.

You know this. You've caught him hunched over his desk passed out multiple times this week. It's gotten worse ever since Coco came to the atelier. You're not blaming her, you know that poor girl has already seen things any kid shouldn't have to see.

If anything, that's exactly the problem.

Coco's arrival had made the Brimmed Caps impossible for Qifrey to ignore. Every new clue was another reminder to him that they were still out there with his memories and eye.

Qifrey likes to pretend that everything's fine in an effort to not worry anyone. It just makes you worry more. Coco and the apprentices still see a kind, caring teacher who makes amazing tea and bread.

You see a man slowly destroying himself.

You see the moments where he stares blankly at the wall during lessons. You see the untouched food he leaves behind after every meal. You see (and feel) the empty space he leaves in your bed in the middle of the night.

Tonight his space in your bed is cold and empty yet again. You sighed, abandoning sleep and sitting up, your bare feet touching the cool hardwood floor. You pad to his study adjacent to your shared bedroom. Light seeps through the cracks below the study door.

You push the door open.

He's there, of course. Hunched over the desk exactly as you knew he'd be, one elbow braced among the mess of papers, his forehead resting against his palm. The candle has burned down to a stub, wax pooling on the wood. He hasn't noticed it. He hasn't noticed you.

"Qifrey."

Your voice comes out softer than you intended. But it's enough. He startles, straightening so fast that a stack of parchment slides off the desk and scatters across the floor like wounded birds.

"Ah-love! I didn’t-" He blinks, his eye unfocused and rimmed with red. He looks at you like he's trying to figure out where and when he is. "You should be asleep."

"So should you," you fire back, not harshly. "You haven't been sleeping the last few days."

Qifrey dragged a hand down the side of his face. "That's different, love, I’m-"

"-you're what? Neglecting yourself in hopes of finally catching a whiff of what the Brimmed Caps are up to?" You crossed your arms over your chest. "You're human, Qi, you need a break too."

"I know, it's just that-" He cut himself off with a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. "-this is something i need to do, you know that."

You softened, walking over to his desk, stopping just shy of him. "I know, trust me, I do." You ran a hand through his hair, brushing some away from his face, revealing the scar tissue where his right eye should be. Qifrey leaned into your touch, closing his eye and nuzzling into your hand like a cat. Your thumb brushes the spot under his eye. "But what's the point if you wear yourself out in the process? Who's going to protect Coco? Tetia? Agott? Richeh? Olruggio and I may be good, but not that good."

You press a soft kiss to his forehead, the tip of his nose, and then his lips. “Don't wear yourself out, we need you. I need you."

Qifrey’s eye shines with unshed tears and he blinks it away quickly. The colour of his eye is lighter than when you first met him all those years ago. You're hit with a pang of sadness.

Qifrey's voice comes out rough, barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," you murmur, still carding fingers through his hair. "Just come back to me."

He doesn't move right away. His hand finds your waist, fingers curling into the fabric of your sleep shirt like you're the only solid thing in a room full of shifting shadows. "I keep thinking if I just find the right lead, the right piece of information, then I can-" His voice cracks. "Then I can rest."

His shoulders slump, his head falling forward to rest against your chest. You wrap your arms around him, one hand cradling the back of his head, the other pressed flat between his shoulder blades. You can feel his heart hammering, or maybe it's yours.

"I got you," you whisper into his hair. "I’ll always be here."

You don't know how long you stand like that, holding him while the candle gutters and dies and the room falls into silver moonlight. Long enough for his breathing to slow. Long enough for the tension to bleed out of his spine.

Eventually, you tug gently at his collar. "Come to bed."

This time, he doesn't argue.

You lead him through the doorway, your fingers laced through his. He follows like a man learning to walk again, unsteady but trusting. The bedroom is cool and dark, and when you pull back the covers, he sinks into the mattress like his body has finally remembered what exhaustion feels like.

You climb in beside him. He reaches for you immediately, pulling you close, his face burying into the crook of your neck. His breath is warm against your skin.