♡Welcome to the trash bin ♡

Because we are predators, and Geese are prey animals with hollow bones, no teeth, and no claws. What they do have are wings to make them look bigger and a fuck off attitude. That attitude works on most people apparently.

But it's still funny that people are scared of them, because like... They're just not that big.

And "serrated" break is a bit of an exaggeration. It's ridged, there are bumps along the sides but they're made for grinding water plant stems, not chewing meat or anything. They have a pretty good pinch pressure, but of all the birds I've been bitten by, geese aren't high on the list of a threat.

But humans, as predators, want to avoid being hurt *at all.* Because an injury means not being able to hunt and not being able to hunt means potentially starving to death.

The best way to not get hurt by geese is to leave them alone and respect that they're living things that don't want to be messed with.

You are 100% right, I have never been chased by a goose, not once in 41 years, because I wouldn't run from a fucking goose, and it cannot chase you if you don't run.

Geese are literally just animals. Here is me with one of my friend's geese many years ago.

They are not evil, they are not mean, they are not out to get you. They are animals. They are prey animals. They are defensive of their territory, their nests (because how would you like it if a giant invaded your nursery to look at your sleeping baby?? would you be super nice about it?? Would you gracefully and peacefully handle just Some Guy you don't know coming into your nursery against your will to look at and pick up your screaming kid?? like it's not even unreasonable behavior, people are just mad because it's an animal and they have weird beliefs about animals all having to allow human interaction), and their mates.

but they are literally just animals.

I would never be chased by a goose, because I don't run, but also because I leave them alone. And the few times I have had to interact, I was polite and they responded in kind.

A mated pair with 8 goslings in the narrow road I needed get down? PRIME candidates for being the "mean goose" everyone claims exists.

Yet, they moved politely out of the road when I got out and shooed them to the side, and they brought their muppet kids over to say hello when I greeted them properly. I gave them a few goose-safe treats and went on my way. No chasing, no attacking, no biting. One of the parents hissed a few times, but still bowed back when I bowed first.

I saw a lone goose in an Aldi parking lot earlier this year, and I brought over a cup of water and set it down, then backed away. It kept its distance while I was setting the cup down, but waddled right over to drink once I backed off. Didn't hiss once. Didn't chase me. Didn't try to get me.

Like, it's literally so easy to not be hurt by geese. I'm not talking out my ass; I've interacted with or been near so many geese and I've NEVER seen an actually aggressive one- only geese being harassed by humans into a provoked reaction.

I'm sorry to the people who got chased by one as a four year old or whatever and never recovered, but that's a you and/or your parents problem for bothering or allowing you to bother wild animals. Calling geese evil and nasty and mean because your parents allowed you to act inappropriately around animals as a toddler is an anthropomorphization that continues a cycle of wildlife harassment, because people feel justified in harassing "bad" animals.

And acting like I (or others) only think geese are not mean because I've never been chased by one is an excellent example of having fallen for their defensive mechanisms, as well as an excellent example of the attitude people have about geese that leads to people harassing and consequently getting attacked by geese.

my first thought is to "take the bullet for the president." the bullet of course being cat yack, and the president being the thick luxurious carpets of my bedroom.

i discard this thought. im clean. i like being clean. i have been clean for only four seconds.

my second thought is to remember that there is a large, plastic sheeted area in the corner near the cats food bowl. ms. kitty is a messy eater, so she has to eat on the sheet.

i grab my cat and toss it across the room onto the sheet. i feel like im throwing a live grenade out of my trench. cat drives heaves once in my arms, then throws up in midair, approximately one foot out of my grasp.

i watch the barf fly in the same arc as my cat. conservation of momentum. theres not much velocity imbued by peristalsis.

both land at the same time. vomit splats. cat lands gracefully. she turns around, looks at me with total serenity, and throws up a second time. still on the plastic. i tell her that shes a great cat for staying still to do that. she does not give a shit.

i get some dirty clothes out of my laundry hamper and pile them up so she can sit on them. she loves dirty laundry. cats are nasty like that. i clean up the barf and she watches with interest. i have tossed her across the room, and now, stolen her barf. i am utterly befuddling to her. she tolerates me though because i give good scritches.

i toss the vomit soaked paper towels into the trash and come back with a bowl of bottled water (she has preferences) and a cat squeezy treat. she accepts three sips of water but declines the treat. very reasonable. i go back downstairs and put the treat in a ziplock in the fridge so she can have it tomorrow. i come back and shes trotting on her wheel.

i ask how long shes been able to do that. she doesn't answer - in part because she is a cat, but mostly because she is an asshole. she just keeps jogging. i turn to walk away and she meows at me to spin the wheel faster.