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me putting salt and pepper on my damn.. food!
me: cmao (crying my ass off)

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netflix and still
single
Me, a clueless cowboy:
Yeehuh?
I have no self of steam
my hands? ready to be held

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how lucky do two people have to be in order to fall for each other at exactly the right time in exactly the right way
very
I see no difference in energy here
LMAOOOOOOOOO
no but seriously one time i ordered something from adam & eve (surprise a big ol dildo) and the order said discreet shipping and i was like cool ya know cause i lived with three dudes in an apartment and also had to go to the apartment office to pick up my package so discreet is dope and i got the package delivery notification like sick im about to dick myself so i walked my happy horny ass down to the office and told the lady my name and she went into the package delivery room to grab it and it took her a minute and she came out with a dick shaped bag just grasping the shaft of it and i looked at it mortified and had to grab the balls part of the package from the woman and she let go and it just wiggled and i could feel the squish through the bag and it was just horrible
If it’s any consolation, I get it. I’m a trans guy who wears a packer. One day I was in the restroom and pulled my pants down. I really had to go so I did it fast and the magnet clip came undone and my dick flopped out of my boxers and bounced into the stall next to me.
The OCCUPIED stall next to me.
I wanted to die. There was this horrible forever silence moments. Then the dude just goes, “Uh, you dropped your dick man,” and nudges it over with his foot.
LMAO YOU DROIPPED YOUR DICK MAN
why’s this site so weird about horses? they’re just horses.
Are you sure

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