Shan

me: cmao (crying my ass off)

I have no self of steam

my hands? ready to be held

how lucky do two people have to be in order to fall for each other at exactly the right time in exactly the right way

very

no but seriously one time i ordered something from adam & eve (surprise a big ol dildo) and the order said discreet shipping and i was like cool ya know cause i lived with three dudes in an apartment and also had to go to the apartment office to pick up my package so discreet is dope and i got the package delivery notification like sick im about to dick myself so i walked my happy horny ass down to the office and told the lady my name and she went into the package delivery room to grab it and it took her a minute and she came out with a dick shaped bag just grasping the shaft of it and i looked at it mortified and had to grab the balls part of the package from the woman and she let go and it just wiggled and i could feel the squish through the bag and it was just horrible

LMAO YOU DROIPPED YOUR DICK MAN

😅😅😅

why’s this site so weird about horses? they’re just horses.

Are you sure

interviewer: describe yourself in 4 words me: automatic, supersonic, hypnotic, funky-fresh interviewer: hired