Lost Little Thing

My friend called Ford and asked him how much he was asking for the work. Ford told him doing that kind of thing helped him relax and stay sane when he was filming. Would not take a dime. Plus he paid for a new water heater and got the sewage system cleaned out.

Pippin, just being pippin: Look, MUSHROoms!!

The other three, running at full speed: MUSHROOMS!

Aragorn, who is a skilled ranger who knows every plant, tree, and flower to survive: No those are poisonous!

Frodo, who’s mouth is stuffed full: No they’re not. We eat these all the time back in the shire.

Merry, speaking with his mouth full, spitting mushroom everywhere: Yeah, they’re definitely not poisonous. Do you want one?

Aragorn, now having an existential crisis: No, n-no. I’m good.

What if that’s the reason Sam and Frodo survived in Mordor? 

What if all those references to noxious fumes and tainted water and everything were completely literal? They avoided eating anything made there, but they had to keep drinking and breathing. 

What if part of Mordor’s defenses was that it’s literally poisonous to any creature not specifically bred to live in those conditions? What if Faramir was so careful about warning them about drinking the water because he knew it was fatal? What if Sauron’s general lack of concern about shit going down inside his own borders (aside from treachery, which apparently happened a lot) was knowing that any Mortal Man or Elf or Whatever that wandered in was gonna be stone dead in a few days, and his desire to catch any infiltrators on the borders was to keep them alive long enough for questioning?

And then these two hobbits who have spent their entire lives merrily ingesting enough poisonous fungi for breakfast to give Shelob a stomach-ache trot into Mordor and drink the poisonous waters and breath the poisonous fumes and scratch themselves on the poisonous thorns and feel mildly unwell.

Her physical condition didn’t allow her to age

No one took her seriously as an actress

And even when she was trying to get into a happy romantic relationship (albeit with another villain) he still couldn’t take her seriously as a consenting, sexually active and romantically interested adult

That’s a lot of blows to someone’s psyche 

When Harley was re-institutionalized, he got her that dress she wanted.

In the comics based on B:tAS, there was a time during Christmas that there was snow and it was Mr. Freeze’s fault, and he was making it snow because Christmas was his anniversary with Nora and she LOVED it when it snowed on Christmas, so Batman let him finish mourning before calmly taking him back to Arkham.

He never, ever gives up on Harvey possibly recovering.

But instead, Batman sat with her on a swing and kept her company as the girl’s psychic powers slowly killed her.

No?

And what makes Noir a good style, is that the protagonist never gives up and allows themself to wallow in the darkness around them. The world is dark, and bleak, and cold hearted, yes. 

But the protagonist fights against that. 

Fights for their humanity. 

Claws their way out of that muck, and even if the ending is as dour and bleak as the world around them, the Noir Hero shoulders that burden and carries on. 

A battered lantern with a flickering light inside them. Refusing to let it burn out. 

I was just minding my own-

I am so serious right now. If you wake Bob up, you won’t like what I do. He’s not young, these days, he needs his rest.

Okay? Okay.

Anyway. I was minding my own business. I was a fairly young mimic, I’d just really sort of settled into my first good morph. When you’re really young, freshly spawned, you sort of rotate through things, and you don’t quite get it right, most of the time.

It’s like learning how to walk for people, I think. You’re small, you don’t quite know what you’re doing… it’s a whole thing.

And I went chair. Now, that’s very exciting. Chairs aren’t a common mimic morph. For whatever reason- the gods? who knows?- most mimics end up containers. Trunks, chests, drawers, wardrobes, I had a cousin who was a barrel.

Chair, though, that’s good, though. No barbarian is gonna poke through your insides looking for loose change if you’re a good sturdy wooden chair. You might get sat on, but, heck, we’re pretty sturdy as a species. No big deal. And, honestly, easier to get some food.

Wha- no, we don’t eat people. We don’t eat flesh, that’s gross. We absorb magic. It’s why we tend to spawn in dungeons, lots of magic there. Though I pity the poor mimic clans that end up in a necromancer dungeon. Ugh.

Most adventurers have magic items on them, you absorb a little energy and get sat on for a bit, no big deal, easy meal. And you get a little variety in your diet, win for everybody.

Sure, we kill people from time to time. But let me ask you this: If you were just at home, minding your own business, and some big guy with no neck bristling with swords came along, bust into your house, walked into your room, and reached into one of your orifices to find valuables, you might take averse to that, don’t you think? It’s not like people don’t know about mimics. Take a little care, you know?

Anyway, I was still pretty young. I’d just settled into my morph. And this guy comes along and, you guessed it, no neck, bristling with swords. And he claps eyes on me and just stops, and stares, and I was like- kinda panicking, right? I’m thinking I messed up the morph, and he’s clocked me and now I’m gonna have to fight this guy.

And then he nudges his buddy and says ‘Hey, hey Jim, ain’t that the most beautiful chair you’ve ever seen in your life?’

And Jim’s like ‘yeah it’s a nice chair so what?’ and Bob- that’s the guy with no neck- he says ‘no, look at it! it’s gorgeous!’

I tell you, if I coulda blushed, I’d have been cherry red from top to bottom. When you first start to settle into a morph, you feel a little self-conscious, you know? You’re just starting to figure yourself out, and someone comes along and just says the nicest things. And he went on for a while. I was so flattered, best day of my life, aside from my first spawning.

Jim says ‘well just bring the damn thing! we have shit to do!’ so Bob does! Just picks me up and straps me to his back, and off we went.

And I went lots of interesting places, met some interesting people. I even ended up doing the watch at night a couple of times. Because Jim, sometimes he has this thing where he just falls asleep, he can’t help it, it’s not his fault. I had to help them out a couple of times. I was fond of the guy, you know? And most mimics don’t get to be part of adventuring parties, it’s just not done, so it was really neat to feel like I was a part of things.

Jim and Bob and their buddy Wade, they end up saving the kingdom, and they all go their separate ways. Bob went back to his home village- that’s here- bought a building, put me in the middle, and said ‘this is gonna be my tavern’. He hangs up his magical weapons around the bar- don’t bother with that, buddy, that glass is tougher than your ax, I promise.

Anyway, I’ve got plenty to eat. I even spawned a couple of times, helped fill out the place. I figure, save him a little money, I start my own clan, and there’s plenty of ambient magic to go around, the place is lively, better than some manky old dungeon any day, right?

Bob, he never quite figured it out. I think Jim was onto me, but Bob- he’s not bright. But he’s just the nicest guy, you know? He’s always got a kind word for someone. He’ll give you the shirt off his back. If you show up here hungry with no money, he feeds you, and often he’ll make sure you get some place to sleep and a job, if you’re looking. Everybody loves Bob.

And I really like people, that’s something I figured out about myself. I like the atmosphere here, too, there’s always new stories to hear. I’ve learned a lot, over the years, I’ll tell you what.

Now Bob, he’s not young anymore, and his kids well- they’re not the adventuring sort, as I think you have already sussed out. But they don’t need to fight, you know? That’s not the kinda life they need to lead.

So, bearing all that in mind, here’s the deal. You got two options. One- put everything down- nice and easy, mind- and leave, lock the door behind you, and this never happened. No harm, no foul.

Or… you can find out just how many times I’ve spawned.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this one and want to help support me, here’s a link to my ko-fi! If like this story and you want to read more, here is my masterpost, currently updated with all of my tumblr ficlets.

If you screencap this for another website, please be courteous and link people to my tumblr.

“Mom has been texting me for the last twenty minutes. She wants me to come home. It’s a four hour drive, when the roads are clear, and from what I hear everybody is trying to get somewhere right now. There’s no telling if I’d even-”

“Everybody else has left. All the other kids were picked up, the other staff left. They gave me all the keys. I promised to stay and wait for as long as- well. Even if some of the parents show up, I guess some of them won’t, so I’m just waiting. Until.”

[Clears throat.]

“A couple of people came after everybody left. Peter, one of Aidan’s fathers, gave me three hundred dollars for staying. What am I going to do with money? It’s- anyway. I kind of get it. He wanted to give me something.”

[Audio ends]

[Audio starts]

“They’re all between 2 and 4.” Sniff. “They’re so little. Too little to really- maybe if they were older, I’d have to tell them something. But um. I’m just- trying to stay calm and keep them happy and occupied. I think that’s the best thing, right now.”

[Heaving breaths.]

“I normally use this recorder to help me remember stuff. It’s just, uh, habit to talk to it. I don’t know. They’re napping, right now. I’ve got the baby monitor, they know that if they talk into it, I’ll come, so-”

[Sobbing.]

[Audio ends]

[Audio starts]

“Mom keeps texting, so I blocked her. I sent her a text telling her goodbye, first, but. I do. But these kids need me.”

[Sniff.]

“I tried calling their parents again, but I can’t get anybody. It’s just busy signals. I called the firefighter station, 911. I can’t get through to anybody.”

[Shaky breath.]

“I went out into the yard. Um, I think they can play. It’s nice out, and you can’t really see it yet. Little bit of a glimmer, if they ask I’ll just tell them it’s a plane, but it’s nice out and we’ve got hours before-”

[Murmuring child’s voice, indistinguishable.]

[Audio ends]

A strict all girls boarding school is across a river from a strict all boys boarding school.

Boys and girls are forbidden from fraternizing, but they find sneaky ways to form friendships and even date. I assume there is heavily monitored internet and phones are for emergencies only so they have to resort to more unconventional methods of communication. (Messages in bottles, a system of mirrors, writing on chalkboards and putting them in the windows ect.ect.)

Until one day a shy boy at the boys boarding school tells his best friend (and the leader of a resident well meaning boys gang) that he actually feels more like a girl.

The gang leader contacts the leader of a girl gang across the river and they begin to plan an overly elobrate heist to smuggle the shy trans girl across the river in exchange for a chill tomboy and the two will assume each other’s lives until they graduate.

Hijinks ensue as they pull a ‘Great-Esacpe’ style mission to avoid detection from the overly strict headmasters and an overly passionate team of campus security guards.

Friendships are tested, there is lots of home-alone style logic to outsmart the adults, and there is romantic tension between the leaders of the gangs as they put aside their differences to help their two friends find a place to be themselves. It is light-hearted in tone but is also over the top and everyone plays it way too serious to the point of comedy. The two kids swapping places have classic “parent trap” style hijinks pretending to be the other person and avoid detection.

Think “kids next door” + “recess” but shot like a heist movie.

So in greek mythology, all of the roses were white. all of em with no exception. white. remember this detail, it’s important to the story

so basically one day, our local love bitch Aphrodite was bragging to the other gods about how she could make anyone fall in love with anyone, because she was the goddess of love, and everyone got kind of irked with her bragging bc it was annoying, and Zeus (in his Zeus way) decided to pull a BIG PRANK on Aphrodite by making her fall in love w this mortal named Adonis. Adonis was a hunter, and this made Aphrodite CRAZY because hunting is super dangerous, and she was thirsty for Adonis right & she didn’t want him to die. EXCEPT therein lies the prank, bc Zeus MADE Adonis get gored by a wild boar (rip) and he died.

and here’s where the thing with the red roses come in. Bc all the roses are white, right? And right as Adonis was about to die, Aphrodite SWOOPED DOWN FROM THE HEAVENS in a golden chariot pulled by swans on a slide made of clouds (a cloud slide). as she rushed to his side, Aphrodite pricked her foot on a rose thorn and her blood landed on the petals of the rose, and all of the roses around her became red with her blood as she mourned for her dead lover who was killed in the hunt by a violent wild boar, all bc Zeus wanted Aphrodite to stop boasting.

That’s a dirty trick

Adonis is dead

As a note, all of my ficlets are to be considered written under the creative commons sharealike license, which is viewable here, but the answer to your question is: yes, so long as you credit me and license that work under the same terms.

Fic based on this prompt:  It’s 3 AM and you are heading to the kitchen to consume the shredded cheese as usual. Unusually, a wizard in full robes is there, already eating the cheese. (Published January 24 2019)

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Fic based on this prompt:  You drop a small piece of food on the floor, and decide to kick it under the oven/couch/whatever because you can’t be bothered to pick it up. As you’re walking away, you hear a very quiet “Thank you!” from under it. (Published April 3 2019)

Fic based on this prompt: You’re a witch who makes a living selling potions, breaking hexes, etc. You seem like a regular shopkeep, but, if someone can give you the correct code-word, they can buy illegal love potions from your store, instantly making the recipiant fall madly in love with the customer…Or at least that’s what would happen if you hadn’t started partnering with the FBI soon after you opened the store. Write about your first sting. [Please note that this fic starts with a trigger warning about the topics of consent, more detailed at the link. I’ll happily answer questions about it if you need to know more before reading.] (Published April 11 2019)

Fic based on this prompt:  Explain how you try to calm down a newly turned vampire who was beyond pissed and ready to throw down at the vampire who turned them into a vampire because now they can’t eat their precious garlic bread anymore. (Published April 22 2019)

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Fic based on this prompt:  You are back in your hometown for the weekend, and run into your long lost love. You are both happily in a relationship now but while you sit for a coffee and laugh about the old times, he suddenly gets very serious and says “it’s still you, you know? The person I see by my side, at the end of the day”. And your heart stops. (Published May 23 2019)

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Fic based on this prompt: You are a human in world were all of the cryptic creatures you’ve ever known are real, every year there is a reunion where all of the local cryptics reunite and have a chance to talk with the humans.This year for some reason you received an invitation to be the host of the ceremony, however, this is a position that only cryptids can have. Your neighbors all have the same invitations, that’s were you notice, you are the only human in a neighborhood of shape-shifters. (Published April 15, 2020)

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Fic based on this prompt: You’re a mimic. You were disguised as a chair in a dungeon when an adventurer decided to take you as loot. You’ve actually enjoyed your life ever since as furniture in a jolly tavern. So when some ruffians try to rob the now-elderly adventurer’s business, you finally reveal yourself. (Published October 20, 2021)

Fic based on this prompt: After a bad crash you’ve found yourself drifting through space, but your suit says you ran out of oxygen an hour ago. (Published June 30, 2022.)

Unprompted fic: Time Travel and YOU -This fic is a short, informative pamphlet from Tempus, Inc regarding your selection to their lucrative and fascinating and only somewhat dangerous time travel program. There are some mentions of horrific injuries, but nothing described in detail. (Published July 12, 2022)

Fic based on this prompt: You’ve just joined an adventuring party. The rogue wordlessly gives you a handkerchief and slinks away. “Ah, it’s his way of handling his kleptomania. Instead of stealing things at random, he’ll be going specifically for that.” (Published February 13, 2023) (I accidentally genderswapped the rogue.)

Fic based on this prompt: After watching the world end thousands of times across multiple timelines, you realise the only way to prevent Armageddon is to stop yourself being born. You vow to let world end in the most ridiculous way possible, because screw that. (Published July 27, 2023)

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Poem based on no prompt: this is a poem about growing up being told you could be beautiful if you just tried and uh how that really wasn’t true for me. It talks about fatphobia, bad self-imagery, there’s gory imagery and language, and references to self-harm (they’re kind of inferred, but it’s there). (Published November 15, 2024)

Unprompted fic about Tabitha, a deeply annoyed death witch who just wants to be left alone, and for people to stop blaming her for raising the dead. (Published June 10, 2025)

related stuff:

@jeannesreading did a wonderful audio rendition of The Strongest Warlock (for real y’all should check it out)

also of course @phinnsyreads​ put together an amazing audio rendition of The Thing Under the Fridge

@phinnsyreads also did the Society for Cryptids in the Earthly Plane

(ETA: If you’ve done an audio version of one of my stories, because there’s been a lot, please throw a link in the replies. I’ll eventually get around to putting them up here and people can check and find them before I do, or I might do a separate master post for that. :D 07/27/23)

Wanna Support Me?

If you want to help a guy out, you can head over to my ko-fi (also big thanks to everybody who’s ever helped out, you guys are amazing)

I still have a Patreon, I plan on refitting it for longer form pieces that are less suited to tumblr. Not doing much with it at the moment, because in these pandemic times I don’t wanna put anything behind a paywall, but if you want to support me a little bit on a recurring basis, that’d be the place to do it. (ETA: I think now you can also do that on ko-fi! 07/27/23)

I’m eventually going to finish the novel I started on it, but in all honesty I wrote myself into a corner on that one and need to figure out what I’m going to do next. It’s all still up and it’s public and free, and if anybody wants to give me some feedback, it’s there. (ETA: This is backburnered for a project I’ve been working on for a few years now that I think I’m nearly ready to start talking about publicly. 07/27/23)

I turn, and look at the fridge. It seems to be the same fridge that was here when I moved in. 

I mean, I’m also kind of embarrassed. I never do that, I know that’s how you get roaches, but my back hurts so bad that getting up and down is next to impossible, much less bending over. “Um, you holding up okay down there?” I ask.

There was silence. 

“I know that we’re probably the only apartment in the building that doesn’t have a bug problem. That’s, well, that’s you, right?”

Again, silence. But I know I heard it.

“Listen, I can’t really bend over right now, but if you’re down there and hungry, like, there’s half a rotisserie chicken in there that’s about to go bad. I was going to throw it away, but if you could use it-”

“Yesssss. Please.” 

Well. Whatever it is, it’s well-mannered, anyway.

Christian youth are often taught that sexual feelings and thoughts are really only permissible within marriage, and that they’re basically supposed to be sexless beings before that. This leads to them being rushed to marry the first person they feel attracted to because waiting longer increases the discomfort/feeling of “sin.”

But furthermore, “dating” within this subculture is usually very atomized and sterile. You barely have physical contact. You often aren’t allowed to date until a very late age, and even then, it’s incredibly limited.

This happens because these people are experiencing really being in a relationship for the first time ever when they don’t have the maturity to deal with it. They’re making all their relationship mistakes the very first time. They haven’t had much time to figure out what kind of person they are compatible with. They probably don’t even know what they’re sexually attracted to because they’re taught to be so disconnected from it. They’ve never been alone in a bedroom together with a date and now they’re sharing finances and everything. It’s “hard” because they are not prepared in the slightest.

This doesn’t happen because either of the people involved are bad or foolish people. It happens because they were failed by a culture that forces them to make a vastly life changing decision before having ever been able to make a tiny mistake and learn from it enough to figure out what they need and want. And it’s sad.