~ Say Bwee! ~

peek

(incoherent heavy breathing followed by just some Crazy licking to taste that shit)

*sound of me slamming my finger in the car door*

My grandpa: Uh I sure hope it isn’t 

Me: 

Gramps: 

Me: Did-

Gramps: making a video of seven seconds of joy 

Me, frightened: gramps? 

Gramps: *Sends a 7-second video of himself eating Almond Joy* Can you put it on vine for me

Gramma: But you’ve always loved writing!

Gramps: It’s the sleeping time 

Me: yeah? 

Gramps: So it’s the time to sleep? 

Me: …. yes? 

Gramps: Might I suggest you put head on pillow and sleep? 

Me, finally realizing: You watch tiktoks. YOU watch TIKTOK. 

Gramps: Just get some warm milk, you cretin 

Gramps: *Hangs up*

Gramps: DIS BOX EMPTY! WHEAT! 

Gramps: *Softly tosses the box onto the couch*

Me: what?!

Gramps: my Hispanic neighbor taught me how to use freshvakdos!

Me: use… What

Gramps: you know! Freshvakdos! Guacamole!

Me: do. Do you mean fre sh avo ca do?

Me: oh no

Gramps: oh yeah.

Me: please-

Gramps: may you receive every book you have ever wanted to read in your life

Me: ….how is this a curse

Gramps: … Only for the last chapters to be torn out and unavailable online

Me: GRAMPS NO

Gramps: *deadname* are you okay

Me: Gramps, could you maybe call me Kai instead…?

Gramps without missing a beat or bothering to take his phone away from his face, SCREAMING to my grandma: HONEY WE’VE GOT ANOTHER GRANDTHEM!!!

-he’s letting me live in his house while he is on a mission for his church. A gigantic house on lots of land with the large garden and a sunroom. He let me bring all of my animals as well.

-He sold me his car and truck super cheap. The truck is named Gorp. It stands for Grandpas Old Retired Pimpmobile.

-He sends me a box full of fuzzy socks every month because he knows my cat destroys them

-He started using they/them for.my pronouns and hasn’t fumbled once over phone or Skype

-He calls Gramma Lovely, Dearest, Sweetheart, and my personal favorite: Honey Buns (which I picked up ages ago and now my favorite person ever is labeled honey buns in my phone)

-He still says Wheat instead of Yeet. Intentionally.

-He speaks fluent Spanish and learned immigration laws to help keep his Hispanic neighbors safe when “ICE comes around with it’s ugly unchristian head”

- he may be a Mormon, but in his (and Grammas) eyes, Christianity is about love, forgiveness, acceptance, and being there for those you love and care for and he LIVES by that.

-when they aren’t on a mission for the LDS church, they are foster parents to strictly only older teenagers and troubled kids.

-He loves everyone and will accept anyone into his family as long as they are kind and patient.

-He learned ASL so he could communicate with his dead neighbor and be a friend to him

And finally, the man, the myth, the legend himself: