it is time for us all to decide who we are

Clementine liked going out, but if the bartender ignored her for any longer, she was going to swear at them. Her attempts at clearing her throat, since he was standing right there in front of her but not looking at her waving hand, still failed to get his attention, but it did grab someone else’s. 

She looked at the woman next to her with a somewhat startled expression. “Oh, I’m not invisible? I thought I must be.” She shot a dirty look at the bartender. “I’ve been standing here way too long, but it’s not your fault.” 

With a glance at the glass of wine, she sighed. “What’s the trick to getting some service around here? Should I flash some cleavage?” 

Once Simone realized the waving had been an attempt to get the bartender’s attention and not hers, her cheeks flushed a light pink in embarrassment. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I thought that was for me, I didn’t realize.” Clearly she had been much more lost in her thoughts than she had even realized. It hadn’t even occurred to her that she was sitting at a busy bar and people would likely be trying to get drinks.

Noticing the woman’s eyes trailing down to her drink, Simone smiled a bit then promptly laughed about the cleavage comment. “Honestly, I doubt that would gain his attention, but it’d be quite a show for everyone else.” 

Glancing in the bartenders direction she frowned for a second before looking at the woman again. “I can take a shot at getting his attention if you’d like? What kind of drink do you want?”

“In that case, we should leave,” he said, hoping that she would do more than just contemplate it. 

He breathed a sigh of relief when she gave in. He could feel that things were going to get ugly, because that was what tended to happen in a room full of rabid, angry people. He didn’t particularly care what the Minister’s motivations were in imposing the curfew, but he supported it. The fewer mudbloods milling about the place, the better it would be for all of them. 

“It would be my pleasure,” he said. He didn’t offer an arm, because he suspected that in a few moments time he would have to push people out of the way. “Stay close,” he said and began to make his way through the crowd. 

Simone gripped her clutch tighter to her side and looked up at Lucius, nodding at his words to stay close. “Of course. Thank you, Lucius. I really appreciate this.” She said with a smile. And she truly was grateful for his willingness to escort her out despite him having absolutely no obligation to. Whether he was doing it more because Thorfinn was no longer around to or out of pure politeness she wasn’t sure, but she didn’t allow herself to ponder on that for long. 

A chuckle escaped Benjy’s lips at her reaction, and a slight shrug lifted his padded shoulders. “No worries Miss Rowle I’ve just arrived, and I feel like I should be the one apologizing for breaking into your bubble.” He announced and switched his hot cup of coffee from one hand to the other.

Having just arrived at the Three Broomsticks, it hadn’t taken a long time for his eyes to fall on Simone’s familiar face, and seeing her sitting down alone at a table helped him come to the decision that joining her would be nice. After all they had already met when Benjy had been interested in funding her theatre company, and he had then been pleasantly surprised to hear that the young witch was joining the Order’s ranks. But considering the last events, every new arrival felt heavier on the oldest members’ shoulders, and Simone’s presence wasn’t exception to the rule.

“I was just wondering if I could join your table and maybe catch up a little bit?” he asked with a small smile as he placed his palm on the chair facing hers, hoping that she wouldn’t feel obligated to accept his offer and think of him as a bother.

The sight of Benjy Fenwick beside her table was a bit of a shock to the system, but Simone smiled immediately upon recognizing him. At least he was pleasant and welcome company. Sure, she’d only technically met and spoke with him once after one of her shows, but he had been friendly and polite and it left a positive impression on her. She shook her head at his apology, the smile still resting on her lips. “It’s alright. I don’t mind distractions from my thoughts every once in awhile.” Sometimes letting herself be distracted was better and easier than sitting around consumed by her own worries. 

At his question, she nodded and sat up straighter gesturing to the chair. “Yes, of course! Please, feel free to sit.” Sipping her drink while she waited for him to join her, she flashed a smile up at him. “Anything in particular you wanted to talk about?” 

When he saw who their new member was he couldn’t help but smile when their eyes met at the meeting. Simone had always reminded him of his cousin Andromeda, stuck in the pureblood world but not really buying into all the hateful things they spouted. Perhaps it was now that her brother was gone that had finally given her that push to join up. While sorry for her loss he was happy to have her among their ranks. He hadn’t been allowed to say much to her when she had been talking about her thoughts on those who opposed the Death Eaters, just voice his approval of them. Now that Simone was a member he was finally able to talk freely with her, but when he looked for her after the meeting he realized she’d slipped out.

Sirius went outside thinking maybe she had gone for some air only to catch sight of her down the street going into the pub. He hurried along down the street to follow her in making his way over to where she sat. “You disappeared pretty quickly,” he noted taking a seat. “Not having second thoughts, are you?” He knew joining meant turning her back on her old life, it had been an easy choice for him but he knew for most it wasn’t. 

Noticing it was only Sirius who approached her was somewhat of a relief and Simone’s lips pulled up into a wider grin. She hadn’t been surprised at all when she glanced around the meeting and locked eyes with him. And honestly she was beyond relieved to find out he was a member. It was nice to see a familiar face smiling at her, one that she knew and trusted for years already. His presence there made her feel better about her decision. 

Then he asked about second thoughts and Simone quickly shook her head. “No, of course not! I’m happy with my choice. I just,” she paused then, sighing softly as she looked down at the wine glass in front of her. Picking it up, she gently tilted the glass from side to side so the liquid would twirl around inside and kept her eyes on that instead of looking up at him when she spoke again. “I don’t know most of those people very well. In passing maybe, but that’s about it. They’re bound to have questions for me, and I’m just not really ready to handle those yet.”  

Nora was someone who often lived under a stone, or at least it seemed like it. The news of politics and such… It was all not for her. It was also something that was added if you lived in so many countries as she had. The news was everywhere differently and the news in England was another thing that she would left behind if she would move again. If she would move.

But even though that it was nothing for Nora, it had been hard to miss the story about Thorfinn Rowle and his death. And it was even harder to miss the news that his sister now blamed a certain group for his death. And so it was hard not to miss the recognisable face that was sitting at a table in the Three Broomsticks. There were whispers around the room but Nora ignored them as she stood next to the table with two glasses of Butterbeer in her hand.

A simple clearing of her throat had the attention of the young girl that seemed very deep in thought. It wasn’t a surprise, her mind would probably be stuffed with so many things right now. “Oh no, I only just arrived at your table.” She put down one of the glasses of Butterbeer. “I know that you don’t know me but I felt like you could use this one right now. Do you mind if I sit down?”

Simone had grown used to looks of pity from across the room, but most people tended to keep their distance as if getting to close to her would cause her to break or something. Then there were those who did approach and insisted on speaking only about her brother and how she was feeling, trying to milk some kind of sad remark from her that would make their gazes seem warranted. Honestly, she wasn’t sure which she preferred or disliked the most. But the woman standing near her now seemed nice enough, and her smile was warm so Simone returned it with a smile of her own. 

Glancing down at the Butterbeer placed in front of her, Simone only hesitated for a moment before reaching out to wrap her hands around the glass and pull it closer to her. “Thank you. That’s very kind of you.” Gesturing to the empty spot across from her she nodded quickly. “No, of course I don’t mind! Some company would actually be really nice right now. I’m Simone, by the way.” Introducing herself was most likely a moot point considering she was the one who had been approached. But she had always disliked the presumptuous attitude that came along with assuming anyone knew her. She had never been that kind of girl and she was hardly about to start acting like it now.

Bringing the glass of wine up to her lips and taking a generous sip, she placed it back down and picked at the food in front of her, not actually eating any of it. However, Simone glanced up when she heard someone clearing their throat beside her as if trying to get her attention and her lips pulled up into a smile. “Hi. You haven’t been standing there long, have you? I’m sorry, I’m afraid I’ve been a bit caught up in my own thoughts.”

“I mean, we were fueled by copious amounts of sugar, I think that tended to help,” he chuckled. “But you’re right, I was just a ball of energy back then, never tiring, running around for hours, the good old days indeed,” he mused. Now it felt like he was drained all the time, running on empty, never finding enough sleep to recharge his batteries. The late nights and extra shifts were one thing but perhaps it was all the chaos that weighed on you, beating you down before you’d even opened your eyes. He shook off that thought, not wanting it to drag him down. “I doubt she would listen to me, I’m the black sheep remember?” he teased with a grin lightly nudging her arm. “Is that due to sleepwalking or just a generally terrible sense of direction?” With his caffeine addiction, he knew all the closest coffee shops so he led the way down the path.

At the mention of sugar, Simone laughed and nodded. “I did love my sugar quills back then, didn’t I?” She still did now, but her addiction to coffee had long surpassed the sugar quills. “Quite literally the Black one.” She immediately responded with a teasing grin. It was an awful reference to his last name, but she couldn’t help herself. He had presented the opportunity on a silver platter and even in her tired state, she was not going to pass up the chance to make a pun. “I’m going to say sleepwalking since it sounds better for me, but it honestly could be a mixture of both. It did take me at least a month to figure out my way around Hogwarts during our first year.” She’d gotten better at navigating throughout the years, but in a new area it did still help her to have someone else around.  

Lucius had expected that something would go wrong at the auction from the moment it was announced. Of course, he did not think it would be anything caused by the Death Eaters. His father was assisting Interim Minister Crouch, and he assumed that meant that the Death Eaters were supporting his appointment. Whatever the game was, he could only assume that a stable government was now part of it. 

When things went wrong it was, of course, the mudbloods and their sympathisers. He was planning on leaving (nothing in the auction held much appeal for him, and he had placed a few bids to show Malfoy generosity already) when he saw that Simone was a little too close to the mob for comfort. He reached her, extending an arm to pull her away. 

“I would say that you should take your own advice, but I am not sure you would listen to me. Why are you still here?”

For a moment Simone parted her lips to insist that she listened pretty well, but she stopped herself before she spoke a word. Lucius wasn’t entirely wrong. While she liked to think she wasn’t the most stubborn individual, she certainly had no trouble ignoring others when she was set on something. Even if it was Lucius Malfoy, someone she’d known for most of her life. “I would at least contemplate it.” She replied finally with a small shrug.  

Looking over her shoulder at the fight behind her that seemed to get bigger every second, she bit her lip. “I don’t know.” Which wasn’t entirely the truth. She did know why she was hesitant to leave; because she wanted to help. But she was also aware that even if she said that Lucius would still think it was safer for her to leave. And the longer she looked at the scene the more she became aware that there was truthfully nothing she could do in this instance. Nothing that would have an actual effect anyway. It would cause more trouble than was worth, and she had to be smart about how she decided to help those around her now that her family’s reputation laid solely on her shoulders. 

It had been hard for Alessandra in the past days. No matter where she went, there was a memory of Thorfinn, and even staying alone in the house she thought she might just go mad. But she was unwilling to go out in public either, was unwilling to subject herself to ridiculous. So she had secluded herself for now, had refused to see all but the most important people in her life. Doing nothing was difficult, but facing the world was even harder.

“Yes,” she said in response. “I think it’s necessary for now.” Truthfully the thought of staying in either home was not one that she wanted to entertain, but Allie knew that tongues would wag if she completely moved out on her own right away. She was not looking to be alone but the thought of being around others was not a pleasant one either. “Will you be having rehearsal again anytime soon?” she asked curiously.

Allie’s smile was wan; she could appreciate the sentiment but her Ravenclaw mind took over. “Too late to do so now. We’d probably create a time paradox,” she said softly, disliking the sound of the words coming out of her mouth. She let out a heavy breath. “No, I can have an elf get it,” she said with a wave of her hand as she leaned back against the sofa. She called one of the elves to set some tea and canapes out before she looked back over at Simone. “They make tea just as well as I do, I’ve noticed.” She shrugged elegantly.

At the mention of rehearsals, Simone lifted her shoulders in a gentle shrug and let them fall quickly. “The director of the play I’m currently working on gave me as much time as I want off. My understudy is going to run through the rehearsals with everyone else for now.” In between the news breaking and her parents coming to get her, Simone had just enough sense to call the stage manager. After all, she had been expected at rehearsal later that very day and as much as she had just wanted to curl up and ignore the world, she thought it rude to ignore her usual duties and made sure to let her director know of the situation. To at least explain why she wasn’t going to make it. “But I think I’m going to go back in a week or so. I don’t want to let anyone down, and it’ll be nice to do something that’ll keep my mind busy.” Besides, her own feelings aside, everyone had worked hard on the play. She didn’t want it to suffer on her account. 

Simone nodded softly, unable to stop herself from sighing. They’d been taught about the dangers of time travelling and time-turners. It didn’t mean the idea was any less appealing though, just less feasible. Sitting back into the sofa once Allie explained that elves would retrieve the tea, Simone once again crossed her legs and tried to relax. “I’m sure that’s not totally true. Truth be told, one of my favourite things about coming by to visit was getting a cup of tea from you. I don’t know what you use or how you do it, but yours always tastes better than any tea shop I’ve been to.”

To say Simone had more than her usual amount of drinks at a public gathering would have been an understatement. But as far as she was concerned she couldn't be blamed for needing something to make it through the night. This event marked the first time she’d stepped foot in the Ministry since her brother, and it should have been considered a miracle that she had even made it out at all. But she needed to support her parents. And with them determined to attend and put on a show of being okay, it was her duty to tag along and look the part as well. 

However she sobered up as fast as if a bucket of ice water had been poured on her when she noticed a scuffle breaking out mere feet away from her. When her eyes glanced up and noticed a fist connecting with Auror Shacklebolt’s face she gasped and took a hesitant step backwards. But that was as far as she went. She knew the smart move would have been to turn and find the nearest exit to avoid the mob that would shortly form. But she couldn’t help wondering if she should jump in and try to help defuse the situation. She didn’t have time to ponder that thought for long though as she felt a hand on her arm and she turned to look over her shoulder only to be greeted by a familiar face. “Lucius? What are you- actually, it doesn’t matter. You should probably go. I think things are about to get a little crazy over here.” 

Andromeda and Simone were so close that when one hurt, the other hurt. Andromeda could feel her friend’s pain as if it were her own, and could tell that the other was trying her hardest to keep things together. She could not imagine what Simone was going through. If she lost Bella or Cissy … well, it would be hard for her to go on, to say the least. “She must be devastated, I don’t know how I’d deal with losing someone like that,” she said, referring to Alessandra.

She took her friend’s hand and led her toward the tea shop. Even though Simone’s smile was brief, it gave Andromeda hope that she would be ok again. “You know I’d do anything for you, right? Anything and everything,” she said truthfully. She looked up at the menu above the counter, “what would you like, Sims? My treat.”

“Alessandra is one of the strongest people I know. She’ll make it through.” If she told herself that enough times, maybe she’d start to believe it. And maybe then she could convince herself that she too would be okay eventually. “Plus, she has a plethora of people around her that won’t let her wallow.” As far as she was aware Allie and Lucius were still close. 

Simone allowed herself to be guided toward the tea shop, one she had stopped by so many times during her years in Hogwarts. It was usually where the less rowdy crowd hung out and she could do with some peaceful quiet at the moment. Andromeda’s comment earned another small smile from Simone and she nodded, gently squeezing Andromeda’s hand that she was still grasping onto. “I know. And I wish I had the words to express how much that means to me. But I hope you know I’d do anything for you too.” Quickly scanning the menu, she shrugged. “Just a mint tea is fine. I’m afraid my appetite isn’t quite what it normally is.” 

“No,” Severus shook his head. “I’m fine with drinks.” He didn’t like drinking but that was something he could set aside if it meant cheering Simone up a little bit. She looked like she needed company and while he wasn’t entirely the best, at least he could be kind enough to pay for her drink and listen if she needed to talk.

“That’s okay,” He nodded. The walk there was quick, uneventful besides Severus wrinkling his nose when he discovered there were several others that had the same idea as them. Not packed, but still enough to make him feel insecure. He led Simone to a table, pulling the chair out for her before taking a seat across from her. “I’ll pay. Let me know if you change your mind about food.”

“Alright.” Simone nodded and walked with him, thankful that the walk was short. When they arrived and she surveyed the room she found she didn’t recognize anybody. Normally that would bother her as she tended to prefer to walk into a room and have someone to go chat with. But at the moment anyone she knew was going to ask about Thorfinn and she didn’t want to deal with that. As far as she knew about him, Severus wasn’t likely to force her to talk. He was by far the better company for her at the moment. 

Allowing him to lead her to a table, she smiled gently and murmured a soft thank you when he pulled the seat out for her. She was just shrugging off her coat when he offered to pay and she looked up at him, shaking her head. “That’s very kind of you Severus, but please don’t feel like you have to do that. I do still have my card on me.” 

Andromeda noticed the tears in Simone’s eyes and took her friend’s hand. As good pureblood girls, she knew neither of them would want to show too much emotion in public, so that was the most she could do. “And how’s Alessandra?” she asked out of politeness. She’d never met Simone’s sister-in-law, but she assumed this was a terribly difficult time for her.

“Absolutely,” she said with a nod and gave Simone’s hand a squeeze. “Do you want to go to the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer or maybe Madam Pudifoots for some tea?” Andromeda was willing to do whatever Simone wanted. She knew she couldn’t solve anything, but if she could make her friend even the tiniest bit happy for a short period of time, then she’d take it.

Simone could have broken down right there in the middle of the street, and probably would have if it wasn’t for Andromeda. But there was still a certain etiquette she had to maintain while in public, and no matter how much she was hurting she couldn’t let it show. Giving Andromeda’s hand a gentle squeeze she offered a small smile to show her appreciation. “I just came from the townhouse actually. She seemed to be doing alright I guess, considering the circumstances.” Simone tried to avoid elaborating too much, dismissing it with a gentle shrug. As much as she trusted Andromeda, someone could easily overhear and Simone doubted Alessandra would want rumours swirling about how she was holding up.  

She sighed in relief at the conformation that Andromeda would stay for awhile, a slight smile making its way onto her lips as she returned the hand squeeze with a soft one of her own. “Thank you, Andie.” Thinking over the two options for a moment, Simone shrugged. “Madam Pudifoots would be fine. I needed to pick up some tea before I go home anyway.” 

The house seemed fairly empty, though it was also because Alessandra had not filled it with as much as she normally did. There would usually be music playing, or she’d be socializing with a close friend, or Thorfinn would be here. But he would never be here again. She hated that thought, hated even more that it was a reality she would have to live with for the rest of her life. Allie shook her head as she stood, wanting to appear somewhat put together for Simone - it would not do for her to be unable to hold herself together. 

When she saw the other woman, her heart constricted in her chest. Allie offered a wan smile and she let out a deep breath. None of this was fair. Allie should not have lost her husband and Simone should not have lost her brother. Her parents should not have lost a son. 

“It’s alright,” she said quietly. “Though I don’t know how much longer I’ll be here,” she said with a shrug of her shoulder. “I’ll retreat to the country soon, I expect.” At Simone’s comment, she tried to smile but it was more like a grimace. “I’m not even certain where my telephone is at the moment so you made the right decision.” She sucked in a breath. “A time-turner would be nice.” She gestured back to the sofa. “Let’s sit.” She took the lead and sat and crossed her legs at the ankles. “Would you like some tea?”

For a moment Simone stood there, her arms crossed gently over her chest as if physically trying to hold herself together. She bit her lip not entirely sure of what to do. If she was smart she would have thought up a plan for seeing Allie before just stopping by, but she hadn’t wanted to think about it. If she thought about it, thought about actually going to Thorfinn’s home, she would have decided not to. 

But before she could ponder that thought any more, Alessandra was offering a small smile. It was far from convincing, but Simone wasn’t about to call her out on that. Instead she attempted a delicate half smile of her own and nodded along with Allie’s words. “That sounds like a wonderful idea. I’m sure time away from everything would be beneficial.” Constantly seeing reminders of Thorfinn every time she opened her eyes had to be hard on her. The country home would probably have some reminders too, but maybe it would be less and therefore easier for her to be around.  

At Allie’s mention of a time-turner Simone pursed her lips. “Would it be awful of me to admit the thought of breaking into the Ministry for one has crossed my mind? A few times actually.” Stepping further into the room, she perched on the sofa with Allie and crossed her legs much as her sister in law had. “Tea would be great. Did you need me to get it?” As she spoke she already uncrossed her legs, moving as if to stand and head into the kitchen but still waiting for Allie’s answer first.