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A few months after my marriage broke up, I gave myself permission to press pause on Sasstainable. I haven’t been blogging on the regular and the crickets have been chirping in this corner of the internet. My blog was so thoroughly forsaken that year I was asked to give up one of my ethical blogger memberships, because I wasn’t really writing anything, ever. And apart from the fact that the blogger who broke up with me was condescending and a bit rude (insinuating they pitied me and assumed that I wouldn’t be able to pay the $60 yearly fee.. please) I was relieved.
My blog was once my pride and joy that I’d built from scratch over five years with endless cups of fairtrade, organic coffee, but it became a source of massive guilt. A symbol of the things I wasn’t accomplishing. All the products I wasn’t reviewing. All the perspectives I wasn’t sharing. I went pretty silent. Apart from a couple of times when I was deeply inspired or a company offered me food and money for sponsored posts, because really what more can a woman ask for in this life than a decent meal and some cold hard cash? I couldn’t find it in me to create an approach or strategy for Sasstainable because, divorce. And exhaustion. And massive amounts of co-parent overwhelm. And a career. A proper one, at a company I love, where I’m succeeding and hustling for my life. Because mortgage payments, on my own. I have a new sense of professional happiness derived from what I lovingly call the pursuit of purpose. Life’s been awful and it’s been awesome. And I’m alright.
I thought I might sort of die a little bit when I decided to look up from this screen and step back, way back. So much of my identity had been tied to my digital commitments. Instead, I travelled to Glasgow with one of my best friends and drank all the Scotch. I got a tattoo in memory of my late father on his 60th birthday. I fell in love with Copenhagen last September, because it’s 100% my city soulmate, ride or die. I drove to Detroit to attend a Sustainable Brands conference that pretty much changed my life, crashing local breweries and taking an urban agricultural tour. I supported Safia Minney’s Slave to Fash campaign and my name is listed in the opening credits (which made me cry). I’ve attended Toronto fashion shows, and practiced piano for the first time in years, swimming endless laps in the condo pool, because condo fees goddammit. I travelled alone and I found out I actually enjoy my own company, and it’s not that bad to be by myself. I stormed Queen’s Park for the women’s march and taught my daughter about civic action. I met Iris Apfel and tried Tinder (she’s terrific, Tinder’s terrible). And I just can’t tell you how much I love my job. It gives me the privilege of working with inspiring entrepreneurs and nontoxic, sustainable lifestyle products every day. I have the chance to support charitable partnerships that help tackle climate change and contribute to conservation. I’m over here pinching myself that I worked my way into a career that aligns so well with my passion and I get an actual paycheque for it, imagine. Gracias, universe. I’m grateful.
But now I’ve decided to return. And I’m making no promises about anything on content, or frequency, or even if I’ll do much other than shout about failure and fashion, feminism and food and the fun I have parenting the coolest kid in one of the coolest cities in the world. I just wanted to say that I pressed pause and it may have looked like I gave up, but I was actually leaning in. Leaning into my life. It proved to be the best decision I made in two years. Now, it’s good to be back. I’ll be seeing you x
*New* on the blog: Permission to Press Pause #realtalk #sasstainable A few months after my marriage broke up, I gave myself permission to press pause on Sasstainable.
