Sarina

Now decades later she has the audacity to ask me why i am not happy I stand there. Quiet. Unable to reply Do i tell her that i’m broken because she broke me? Do i tell her that she has no right to demand my eyes to smile, when all she did was make them cry tears that seems to never dry Mother, You leaned on me when i could barely stand and now i have a crippled soul that may never learn to heal You left me on a very lonely piece of land So i numbed myself cause it hurt to much to feel

The diaspora is where we were born But it is not a home We can see it in their stares and feel it in the core of our soul “Africa is where we might feel whole” we say full of hope But mama has children of her own They were raised under her embracing sun We are her lost children, her adopted daughters and sons Her memory of our existence barely exist, you see she gave us up when we were very young We are the lost children of Africa, The children that will never truly belong Our souls will forever wander desperately looking for a home

I have flaws like the ocean has its waves and god knows How i dont deserve to be drowning in your loving sea

We create magic with our overdose of melanin Your body and mind is my favorite medicin Are you a human sun? Because i can't stare at you for too long without an ocean dripping through my eyes We were born to be absorbed by love - born to be one God granted me the gift of you to heal my broken heart and make my soul come alive In this earthly life we have truly won Let's pray we'll reunite in the heavenly paradise

Eritrea, Your people used to fight for a shared freedom. They used to fight in unity. Your people used to love eachother. They used to have a sense of community. Hade hizbi. Hade fikri. One nation. One love. Words that put our grandparents in the grave. Today, we turn on candles for them acting like their death wasn’t in vain. Today, we lose parents and siblings but they don’t even have the privilige of a grave. Today, we die in the hungry ocean or in Sawa- the hungry military base. Eritrea, Three generations lost, What more is this freedom we seek going to cost?

To the mothers who never got to raise their child - i am sorry. Sorry for the heartbeat you heard but never felt. Sorry for the endless heartache. Sorry that you’re having to put a lid on your raw emotions. Sorry that people think the child you lost can be replaced. Sorry that you feel alone when surrounded by people. Sorry that all you want is what you can’t have, and you miss what you never had.

Within a few minutes her life had changed. She lost a baby she didn't know she was carrying. She put her hands on her stomach and whispered: "Here you were until you weren't. Like a flower that didn't get to blossom. Like a sun that never got to rise. God, help me deal with the pain that comes with being the mother of an  unborn child"

I seem to only seek my pen when i'm in desperate need of healing. My mind has the ability to keep itself distracted. But only for so long. My emotions will then come to haunt me. The famous knot in my chest will move itself up to my throat and choke me. I will feel like crying. But all this time suppressing my tears has dried them out. So here i am. Back with my pen. The ink will work as tears writing down my emotions. Reading my writings will make me understand what i feel. And only then can i heal.

Sometimes he randomly hugs me while whispering the words “Thank you God” What a blessing it is to have a man who doesn’t just say he loves me but actually thanks the Creator for my being. I’ve truly been blessed with the kind of love that literally reaches heaven. Thank you God. Alhamdulilah.

I’ve learned that pursuing happiness is exhausting. In fact it drains every drop of happiness found in the blessings i forget to count. I find myself home in the dark of night yet i force myself to constantly seek light. I am tired yet i am chasing after something unknown. But what if i am meant to give in to the dark? What if happiness is found here and not there? What if happiness is more than a destination? What if happiness is a state of mind?

No, i don't want to talk about the void i feel in my heart,  cause how do i explain emptiness?

While laying here on your chest i silently pray that your heart will outbeat mine

Seeing them reminds me of my grandmother - reminds me of home 

Haftey

She was a victim of a deathless death

It’s not you, it’s me

He promised to keep her heart scarless yet she continued to keep her heart heartless.  Some call it commitment issues.  But for her, it was like drowning in air. And swimming in fear.