Untitled

Sometimes people just need to think before opening their mouths!!! #quotes #cohen #rememberingcohen #cohenmick #carlymarie #sayitoutloud #pregnancyloss #missmybaby #missmyson #baby10 #angelson

Just one of my pics from my #skydive #raisemoneyforsands #lovethis #baby10 #missmyson #missmybaby #rememberingcohen #amazing #angelson #pregnancyloss #jumpingforcohen #cohen #cohenmick

My little princess enjoying her milk, there's nothing more magical than feeding your children yourself!!! #breastfeeding #breastisbest #normalisebreastfeeding #babygirl #baby11 #aaliyah #aaliyahjorjacohen #adorable #rainbowbaby

Yay, just 3 weeks to go till I do my skydive ✈️ so excited!! #skydive #angelson #baby10 #borntoosoon #cohen #cohenmick #rememberingcohen #3weeks #raisemoneyforsands #quotes

Eeeeeeeeekkkkkkk 4 weeks today and I'm jumping out of a plane #skydive #cohen #rememberingcohen #beautiful #borntoosoon #baby10 #missmybaby #son #angelson

#missmybaby #cohen #baby10 #angelson #rememberingcohen #toobeautifulforearth #borntoosoon

My beautiful daughter!! Love this picture of her with her big blue eyes!! #aaliyah #aaliyahjorjacohen #baby11 #babygirl #rainbowbaby #blueeyes #beautiful #adorable #socute

My first baby girl is 15 today!! How did that happen?? It's been an amazing 15 years, given the chance I'd go back and do it all again without changing a thing! Happy birthday Brittney xxxx #happybirthday #15today #brittney #beautiful #loveher #daughter #mumanddaughter

My little man is 3 today!! Time flies when your having fun!! Happy birthday Maddox #3today #3years #happybirthday #happy3rdbirthday #maddox #birth #1year #2years #3years

Day 31 Sunset #captureyourgrief For the final day of this healing project it's sunset! Unfortunately the sun doesn't set on grief, Cohen will still be in my thoughts tomorrow and the day after and the day after that.........you get the idea!! I will continue to have good days has well has bad. The impact of having Cohen in my life and those around me will continue long after today's sunset!! My beautiful son, always remembered! Photo taken at 4:10pm in South Yorkshire England #cohen #carlymarieproject #captureyourgrief2013 #pregnancyloss #pregnancylossawareness #pregnancylossawarenessmonth #baby10 #babyloss #babylossawareness #missmybaby #rememberingcohen #sunset

Day 30 Growth #captureyourgrief This one has been hard so I'm sorry if it doesn't make any sense!! I'm not sure I've grown, I've definitely changed. I've experienced the unimaginable, something that you always hear happens to someone else ACTUALLY happened to ME!!! I think my facebook status summed it up quite nicely on New Year's Eve 'Well 2012 has defeated me :( I've aged a lifetime this year! I've lost my son, my job, my confidence, my dignity (with the help of alcohol) and my mind' I'm not has confident has I used to be and I'm much more easily defeated. I'm not has nice and don't take has much crap has I once did!!! I struggle to smile somedays and sometimes just to function normally is an achievement, so I guess I've grown in a sense because I am stronger now. I do worry sometimes that Aaliyah won't have the same mum has my older children because of how I've changed, I can only try my hardest to be has fun and care free has I once was!!! In the photo is one of the last pics of me kissing Cohen, right before I had to take the hardest steps of my life and walk out the room leaving him there, knowing I'd never be with him again 😥😥😥 There are his thing we got in a memory box from the hospital, the little blue outfit is what we dressed him in! And a photo of my tattoo, had I not had Cohen I wouldn't have my tattoos, he gave me strength to get them!!

Day 29 Healing #captureyourgrief I'd definitely have to say the most healing impact has been Aaliyah. The day I found out I was pregnant was the first day I felt I could smile and look forward to something again, it was like a tiny bit of light through all that darkness!! I think Aaliyah has helped that tiny bit of light get bigger although the darkness is still there and will never be gone!! Somedays I'm more healed than others but I guess that links in with the 'I'm not fixed' statement!!! Today is not a great day!!! When I had my 12 week scan and they gave me Maddox's birthday has my due date I wasn't happy, but how many baby's come on their due dates? Not many! But then I didn't want another birthday in November either, or a Halloween baby so I decided the baby would be born on the 29th October 2012 (I know it doesn't work like that) but in my head it's today I should be celebrating Cohen's 1st birthday! In the photo is Aaliyah's first scan at 14 weeks, my last pregnancy pic taken a couple of hours before she was born 💕🌈 My first cuddles with Aaliyah and Aaliyah yesterday in her Halloween outfit 💕🎃💕 and the background pic is 9 of my 20 (yes a little ott) positive pregnancy tests!!! #cohen #carlymarieproject #captureyourgrief2013 #pregnancyloss #pregnancylossawareness #pregnancylossawarenessmonth #baby10 #baby11 #babygirl #babyloss #babylossawareness #rainbowbaby #rememberingcohen #missmybaby #aaliyah #aaliyahjorjacohen

Day 28 Special place #captureyourgrief I guess a special place for us is the lake. We went there after Cohen's service, no particular reason why we just went for a peaceful walk round. We also went on his first birthday too after we'd been to the cemetery with his cards. Another special place is at the bottom of my bed, it's where all his things are I've bought him. When I get my own house I will have a special place were they aren't hidden away in bags and a box! I'd also love to have a little garden for him where I can put his windmills and butterflies and add to it whenever I want. There are places that remind me of him like sandal beat wood, it's where we went on Cohen due date/Maddox birthday. And of course the cemetery which was just a cemetery but now it's where my son is!! In the photos are me and Maddox at sandal beat wood on Maddox birthday. The cards we got him at the cemetery, and photos of his things that are at the bottom of my bed! The background photo is the lake on Cohen's birthday

Day 27 Signs #captureyourgrief Signs? This one is hard, I haven't had any signs that Cohen is here with me now or watching over me or giving me strength to carry on. I wonder if I'm too closed minded to receive any signs 😥 or maybe I'm looking too hard!!! I love hearing other peoples stories though! 2 months after Cohen was born it was my birthday and a friend baked me a cake with blue icing and white butterflies on it, that reminds me of Cohen, especially has my friend wouldn't have had any clue what the meaning was to me 😃 Everyone tells me Aaliyah was heaven sent, to have a girl after 9 consecutive boys (my first born was also a girl) so maybe she's my sign, to watch her grow and smile everyday. 💕💙💕💙💕 #cohen #carlymarieproject #captureyourgrief2013 #baby10 #babyloss #babylossawareness #pregnancyloss #pregnancylossawareness #pregnancylossawarenessmonth #rememberingcohen #missmybaby #butterflies #aaliyah #aaliyahjorjacohen #baby11 #scan #20week