let the orinoco flow

Cut 2 of the most famous adventures for 6 minutes of fleeing the giants

Cut the Nobody scene entirely

De-hottied Circe and made her overly-emotional and reactive and falsely accuse the men of being rape threats. No nymphs or magic besides the soup.

Had the Trojan horse portrayed as a war crime so bad it ended society and was deeeefinitely the worst and most dishonorable thing done in the Trojan war (cut the rapes from the sacking of Troy while still trying to make it a symbol of lost society so they just stab a lot of women and wax esoteric??)

Slander Menelaus and Helen. :’-] he did not drag her back as his slave queen they’re literally one of like 2 endgame-still-ok Greek couples. (Speaking of weird changes in the family, they keep Agamemnon killing his daughter, but totally leave out what he did to Cassandra)

Odysseus actively doesn’t want to get home to Penelope and Telemachus

Mentor is just some guy 100% of the time instead of usually Athena.

Odysseus is neither a wife guy nor sufferer of hubris (that is not my beautiful king that is not my beautiful general)

The gods just aren’t there. They de-god Calypso and also sort of do the lotus eaters as just her (but not. It’s bad). Hermes? Gone. Poseidon? Poseidon who. Zeus? Helios? Nah. Athena? You think so but no, that’s just Odysseus and his PTSD talking to himself.

The gods aren’t there but one of the messages is to give yourself up to God’s control and to let go of trying to carve your own path? Which Odysseus does??? Confusing and off target. 0s across the board.

They cut all the humor. No naked Odysseus. Not a laugh was had.

Odysseus won’t let Telemachus help him fight the suitors bc ‘you’d be exiled’ and then runs away with Penelope at the end instead of the remotely normal ending to the book. Why? I don’t know

I can’t tell you what it’s about bc even though it was 3 hours every scene felt like the sparks notes version, but my best guess is ‘it’s ok if society collapses bc it will rise again’???

Shot like someone who didn’t go to film school made it. Scene 1 Nolan was cutting to people every time they spoke I was dying. No audio off-camera so cringe. Also insane camera movements like did we need a push in for the 0.5 second cut to a servant listening in? Was that 0.5 seconds not gripping enough? Really??? Dude what are you doing

Why was Tiresias moving like a worm in the sand

The hunting dog got more screen time and character arc than Calypso

Every woman was handled badly. Every single one. Actually Clytemnestra was fine she was there for like 15 seconds but they were ok. Otherwise though just badly handled every single time and in gods’s bizarrest ways (what if Telemachus and Penelope fought over which one of them was good for the throne. What if Calypso wasn’t holding Odysseus hostage or sacrificing her eternal happiness by letting him go. What if Circe was a crazy emotional middle aged woman who sees all men as rapists and turns them into pigs for no reason but she’s neurotic)

seriously it’s so weird to get back to Ithica without seeing Hermes, Athena, or Poseidon once — but they’re not plot relevant, right?

Odysseus is personally responsible for the fall of Greek civilization bc of the Trojan horse trick. He basically nuked civilization. (Yes all of it bc that’s the only civilization at this time. What do you mean no it’s not that’s crazy I mean I’m p sure it’s just Greece)

Cut the whole ‘only my husband would know that’ thing with Penelope and the wedding bed

Stole the exact amount of one of Jorge’s songs you legally can

Didn’t let Odysseus go full feral in the finale

Not a Greek in sight in the main cast. Just lots of Americans and other Europeans. Really bad costume design too. And set design.

Literally start ‘the Odyssey’ with Odysseus home in Ithaca already. 98% is a flashback. First version of the Odyssey ever both thematically and literally not about going home

Me who's aroace: Communicate.

Someone: I tried but it didn't-