brown eyes are heartmeltingly pretty pass it on

When I’m horny my gender changes to slut

girl who has completely lost the plot

Oh you like marvel ? My penis is now soft.

Astrology is fake except for the time a Virgo broke up with me saying “your pupils don’t dilate when you look at me”

i swear my soul has aged for like an entire century since i finished high school i literally feel like theres an old granny living inside of me who just wants warm beverages and understanding from family while spending her days tucked away in bed

I wanna be in love but also yikes

i’m not cut out for the job market you guys i’m meant to be someone’s lesbian trophy wife i just feel it in my heart of hearts 

*slaps my own ass* self-care

you’ll blossom again when you’re ready.

Prozac doesn’t work but you know what does. I figured out that the cure for my depression is always getting exactly what I want

“ooooohhh” i say as i still dont understand

when michael cera in juno says “ i know you weren’t bored that day. the blair witch project was on starz” the oscar was on lock