i have thought a lot about censorship and what isΒ βappropriateβ. not a lot of people know this, but lolitaΒ was written to show what we allow on our bookshelves: there being no swear words in it meant it was free from censorship. a book about child molestation was allowed because it didnβt explicitly use the wordΒ βfuckβ. he wrote it to show we donβt really care about protecting children, and it ended up being seen as a romance.
someone once told me - actually, many people have - that lgbt content isnβt appropriate for children. any content. not just kissing. iβm drowned in questions:Β βwonβt the parents have to explain it?βΒ βkids shouldnβt be thinking about sex at this age, or do you think differently?βΒ βwhat will the kids think?β
at six i saw disney movies. people kiss and get married. i didnβt askΒ βwhat does that mean.β i didnβt askΒ βare those people going to have sex?β i didnβt ask anything, because i was six, and no six year old thinks twice about these things. nobody everΒ βexplainedβ being straight to me, it was a fact, and it existed, and i was fine with that. why would being gay require a thesis, i wonder.
someone once told me that the one of the reasons people hate lgbt individuals is because they canβt see us as anything but sexual. weβre not people, so much as sinners. that they donβt see love, they see sex. just sex. itβs perversion, not a matter of the heart. only of the body.
i think i was in my early twenties before i saw someone like me.Β
how old were you, though, before you saw violence? before you saw sexual assault on tv? i think something like that is only pg-13, and if itβs implied, they can get away with anything. i remember watching things and learning about blood, but knowing sex - sex was what was reallyΒ wrong. sex was always rated r. sex was always kind of a bad word. i was told a lot that i wasnβt ready.
i had a dream last night that i made a site where people could ask any question they wanted about sex and get answered by a professional. it was shut down in moments because 15 year olds wanted to know if it should hurt, ifΒ βdouble-baggingβ was a real thing, if this, if that. we shudder. donβt let the childrenΒ know about that!Β
but at thirteen i had seen enough violence it no longer struck me. i couldnβt sayΒ βfuckβ but i knew that if you break your femur, you can bleed out internally in under half an hour. in school i wasnβt allowed to write about loving girls because what would the administration think - but i could write about wanting to kill myself and people would say how lovely, how blistering.
i have thought a lot about censorship. sometimes people on this site try it with me: donβt write this, donβt be so nasty. some of it is intrinsic. we know as people with a uterus not to complain aboutΒ βthat time of the monthβ, we know better than to talk about sexual assault (how shameful), we know that talking about a vagina is somehow scandalous. i can sayΒ βdickβ and nobody questions me. some people only refer to the bottom half of me byΒ βpussyβ. they wonβt wrap a mouth aroundΒ βvaginaβ like itβs poison to them. even discussing this, that the language halts, that thereβs an intrinsic desire to sayΒ βgirlsβ instead ofΒ βwomenβ - feels naughty, illicit. not for children.
the other day someone suggested i make my blog 18+. i said, okay, it deals a lot with depression and other problems that might be for a mature audience. oh no,Β they said, thatβs not it, i think thatβs helpful.Β i said, okay. so what is it then. well, youβre gay. you write about loving women. and i said, i donβt write about sex often and they said. itβs not about the sex. but wlw isnβt for a general audience. teenagers arenβt ready.
lolitaΒ is recommended for high school and up. i think about that a lot. i know girls who love it, who say it speaks to them on a deep level. itβs beautiful prose, after all. that was the whole point of the novel. something that looked like a rose but was intrinsically awful. i think about how if i was a model theyβd want me to look young, thin, prepubescent. how my body would be sold and how through the mall i walk by images of barely-clothed women while mothers cannot breastfeed in public without fear of retribution.Β
i think about how i can write a novel about violence and it will be pg-13 but if my characters sayΒ βfuckβ twice itβs inappropriate. i said fuck three times so far in this post, which makes it only appropriate for adults.Β
i think about that, and how my identity is something that people suggest lines up with a swear word. that people shouldnβt talk about it. that itβs a vulgarity. bad for children, harsh, confusing.
fuck. i love women. which one makes this only for those over eighteen.
blakekathryn
tangentwithtanner
andulkaphoto
jacobvanloon
turnnoffyourmind
snowghoul
