.....

LOST IN SPACE SERIES

The “She’s Coming Home With Me” ‘Verse

(a fix-it series where the show never pivots off Don and Judy with an effort made to keep the show’s narrative arc intact.)

- All Will Be Forgiven (Episode 2x07 Fix-It)

Rating: T

Word Count: 2101

Snippet: 

“You know,” she says, stepping into the room, “once we get to Alpha Centauri, everyone will hear about your heroism and all will be forgiven.”

It sounds hopelessly naive even to her own ears, but she has to say something, has to try and give him hope. She settles on the bunk beside him and he tilts his head at her, his expression softer, but somehow even more defeated than before.

“Is that how it works? Yeah. Maybe. If we get there.”

Her words aren’t working. This…this is Penny’s forte, knowing the right thing to say, how to make words into things that heal. If he had a broken nose or a deadly neurotoxin firing through his veins, she’d know how to fix it, but she doesn’t know what else to say, how else to comfort him. 

- Breathe Deep and Slow (Episode 2x08 & 2x09 Fix-It)

Rating: T

Word Count: 2584

Snippet: 

“Everyone’s okay,” she reassures him. “You need to stop talking and keep your oxygen filter on.”

“Oxygen’s good,” he says, still a slight slur to his words, but clearer than everything before it.

“Yes, it is. Breathe deep and slow.”A wicked smile spreads beneath the little machine giving him air. “I can do deep and slow.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that,” she whispers even though there’s no one around to hear.

LOST IN SPACE STAND ALONES

- I Know He Must Be Kind, When I Look in His Eyes

Rating: M

Word Count: 7317

Summary: When Judy's vibrator dies, the only thing capable of getting her mind to stop racing enough to actually get some sleep every night they're trapped on this strip of beach with no end in sight, there's nothing she can do except attempt to fix it.

She can’t ask Will because he’ll wonder what it’s for and she can’t ask her mom because she’s not having another conversation with her mother about vibrators, ever.

And asking Don is so far out of the realm of possibility she almost laughs, except she’s too frustrated to conjure one up.

So she’ll have to do it herself.

JATP SERIES AND MULTI-CHAPTER FICS

The “We’re Gonna Be Legends” ‘Verse

- Peppermint and Chocolate

Rating: T

Word Count: 1480

Snippet: He’s wanted to kiss Julie since he was thirteen years old and waiting three years to kiss someone leads to expectations of what that kiss might be like. Turns out, it was way better than every fantasy he ever had. Her lips were soft and warm and her hand clutched at his arm, curling around his bicep and he wished he’d worn a shirt without sleeves because he’d have given anything to feel her touch against his skin. The kiss was everything he imagined it would be.He just never thought it would leave him this confused.

- Keeping Score

Rating: M

Word Count: 1045

Snippet: So, the thing about sex is, the more you do it, the better you get at it. At least that’s what Luke’s been telling himself because his skills have been improving.Not that the first time was bad, exactly. It’s just the second time was better. And the third through eighth times all just consistently built upon each other. And yeah, he’s counting.

- Stuck In My Head

Rating: M

Word Count: 3055

Snippet: It’s not enough that they’re about to play the biggest gig of their lives, but his parents are out there, the people who were supposed to support and nurture his dreams and instead turned their backs on him when he needed them the most. It’s enough to get into anyone’s head, but Luke? He might not show it to most people or really anyone except her and the boys, but he feels things deeply, down to the depths of his soul and so much of what he dreamed for himself can come true tonight. Of course he’s in his own head about it. Who the hell wouldn’t be?

- Do You Feel Like a Young God?

Rating: M

Word Count: 3092

Summary: When Luke shows up at Julie's apartment door at three in the morning with a bottle of Jack Daniels in his fist, she knows somethings wrong, very wrong. He's been betrayed by someone they trusted, everything he's worked for since he was fourteen years old is slipping away from him and there's only one person in the world he needs. Julie knows that. She's always known what he needs and tonight, he needs her.

- We Will Stumble Through Heaven

Rating: T

Word Count: 13,561

Summary: It turns out when you obsessively never throw out your songwriting notebooks and keep every physical and digital recording of all the music you’ve written and played since you were fifteen and when your front-woman’s best friend is a social media genius with a flare for the dramatic, proving you wrote a song isn’t that difficult. The world caught on pretty fast that the genius Rolling Stone had called the voice of a new generation of rock, was in fact, Luke Patterson and not Trevor Wilson.

+ @mamirugbee‘s spectacular fan art. 

- A Light at the End

Rating: M

Word Count: 2799

Snippet: It’s past three in the morning when they finally make their way home. Ray offered them Julie’s old room for the night, but no way he was going to share a bedroom wall with her dad tonight. Not with her looking the way she does in that dress and those heels and the adrenaline still running through him after six Grammy awards.

//////

The “Later” ‘Verse

An AU wherein the boys never died and were born just a year before Julie. We follow the rise of Sunset Curve after Bobby leaves the band to go solo and they ask Julie to join...

- Running from the Past, Tripping on the Now 

Rating: T

Excerpt: Writing with him, singing with him, it’s amazing and terrifying and excruciating and perfect. That’s how it’s been every night for weeks, huddled together in the studio, pushing and pulling against each other, carving out bits of themselves and pouring them into every verse and melody, bleeding the notes out onto the page until they collapse gasping for air like they’d just run a marathon.

- I’ll Try For One More Night

Rating: M

Excerpt: Rivulets of sweat trickle down over her skin. They trace curvy lines down her spine to the small of her back from beneath the edge of the cotton t-shirt she’s tied in a knot below her rib cage. July in Houston, of course it’s hot, the air sticky and thick and has been since they started their set.“Runnin’ from the past.” Her voice is strong, but soft, and with Luke at her side, balancing on the edge of her piano stool, leaning into the microphone, she turns to him, getting lost in his eyes as he shares her mic. “Trippin’ on the now, what is lost can be found, it’s obvious.” Julie bites her lip at the feel of his breath on her cheek and watches as his eyes flick down to her lips as the crowd hushes to hear them, her voice the only sound carrying through the bar and out into the sweltering night.

//////

The “Let Me See What’s Underneath” ‘Verse

One time Beanie McSleeveless’s real life counterpart posted a thirst trap TikTok and it inspired LMSWU, which was supposed to be just pure smut, but I’m me, so it became more than that.

An AU in which the boys never died, were born just a year before Julie and we follow them on tour with Trevor Wilson and then on their first headline tour while Luke and Julie circle each other.

- What She Wants

Rating: T

Word Count: 981

Prompt:  “She doesn’t belong with him!” 

“Then who does she belong with?” 

“…..with me.”

- I Should Have Got Tequila

Rating: T

Word Count: 1517

Prompt: “Are they really ‘just a friend’?”

- On the Cover of the Rolling Stone

Rating: T

Word Count: 3186

Summary: Four weeks ago, reeling from a breakup she didn't see coming, Julie Molina thought agreeing to this was a good idea. It's the cover of Rolling Stone, who cares if they want you and your band to be shirtless in order to promote your new acoustic album, Stripped Down? Most bands never even get a mention in the famous magazine, let alone a cover shoot. Except now? Now she has to be shirtless on the cover of a magazine. What was she thinking?

Four weeks ago, Luke Patterson didn't even think about it when Rolling Stone told them they'd be shirtless on the cover of their magazine because, who cares? It's Rolling Stone. Except now, Julie seems freaked out, even though she was the one who agreed to it in the first place and he should have known better. What was he thinking?

- No Need To Fantasy

Rating: M

Word Count: 3914

Summary:  Julie goes to the gym with Luke to prep for their upcoming tour and she should have seen this coming really, that working out with Luke would be a problem.

- Let Me See What’s Underneath

Rating: M

Word Count:  8738

Excerpt: His voice is rough and paired with an acoustic guitar. It’s low, but clear, a voice she’d know anywhere. Luke. And it sounds like...like he’s right there with her.Bad Reputation. It's a song they both love. Shawn Mendes is a killer song writer. Not as good as Luke, but still...good. Luke messed with the arrangement on the guitar though and it’s so much better, the way he keeps his voice throaty and warm.It sends a silky sort of heat through her, lacing slowly through her veins, her heart rate ticking up with every note he hits. It’s not like she’s never heard him sing before, but somehow that’s what it feels like, his voice carrying through his room into hers. Her eyes drift closed again and she lets the sound of his voice wash over her and she can picture his eyes, back on the bus, and that expression that she’d never seen before. And then he slides into the chorus and her entire body jerks in response, every nerve ending prickling to awareness, the warmth of his voice settling deep and low inside of her.

- She Should Know Better

Rating: T

Word Count: 601

Snippet: She meant it to be gentle, a quick brush of her lips against his, fulfilling a teenage fantasy that’s tortured her for literal years, but even after just a few hours of being with him, she should know better.

- We’re Here

Rating: T

Word Count: 548

Snippet: The vibrations of the bus aren’t what wakes her up, not really, it’s just the second thing she becomes aware of as she’s slowly pulled toward consciousness. She’s used to feeling the engines and the wheels beneath her as they speed along a highway to their next tour stop.No, it’s Luke’s mouth, at her wrist and the nip of his teeth there when he realized she was awake.

- All I Need Is You

Rating: M

Word Count: 3948

Snippet: He’s going to take his time. They have all night and Luke plans to make the most of it. After five years of wanting her and finally knowing that she wants him in the same way, has wanted him for as long, it would be so easy to just rush through this. To yank his clothes off while she does the same and finally, be with her, be inside of her, to worship her the way he’s always dreamed about. They got a start the other night, but now he has time. Time to take his time.

- I’m Sure

Rating: T

Word Count: 1286

Prompt: “Are you jealous?” and “It’s you, it always has been.”

//////

The ‘Life After Death’ ‘Verse

- Tears In Heaven

Rating: T

Word Count: 1041

Snippet: And in that last moment, just before they left her for what could be the final time and Reggie and Alex pulled out of their hug, she didn’t really think, she just knew she couldn’t let Luke go not without...without letting him know how she felt, but there wasn’t any time for all the words she wanted to say or all the songs she wanted to sing, so she did the only thing she could do.

- Does It Matter, The How?

Rating: T

Word Count: 842

Prompt: I’m pretty sure (you’re/she’s/he’s/they’re) my soulmate

- Untethered

Rating: T

Word Count: 1888

Prompt: “You’re hurt. Please just let heal it.”* and “At least let me clean it.” 

*I might have editorialized this a bit...

- Slow 

Rating: M

Word Count: 2282

Summary: That’s why they decided to go slow because everything they thought they knew about their relationship got upended by the blood flowing through his veins and the breath in his lungs and the sweat that beads at his temples under the hot lights of the stage. Before, it was impossible, this incredible connection they’d forged together before, but now when everything was possible, it could so easily become too much too fast.

- You Between My Arms

Rating: T

Word Count: 3914

Snippet: “Prom? Really?” Julie asks, an eyebrow raised as she folds another set of leggings into her suitcase.

Luke shrugs from inside her closet, holding out two of his hoodies that have somehow migrated into her closet, raising an eyebrow of his own. “It might be fun?”She takes them, ignoring his look because she knows he loves it when she wears his clothes.

 “Do you remember the last time we tried to go to a dance?”

“Okay, that was one time and I apologized for that and also it nearly killed me, again and I’m still so sorry, Juile and...you’re screwing with me, aren’t you?”

//////

Lay Back ‘Cause This is Summertime ‘verse

- Lay Back ‘Cause This is Summertime

Rating: T

Word Count: 9715

Snippet: She bought this stupid bathing suit because she looked good in it and she could hear her mom’s voice in her head telling her that she should wear what she wants, what makes her feel strong and beautiful and screw what other people think. But she’d be lying to herself if she didn't admit to wondering what Luke would think of it. All of those things can be true at the same time. 

What? 

They can.

- Where Were We

Rating: T

Word Count: 645

Summary: Luke and Julie make their way home from the beach and Luke's determined to pick up right where he left off.

- No Interruptions

Rating: T

Word Count: 598

Snippet: “Alex dragged Reggie to the skate park to watch Willie,” Luke says, his hands sliding over her hips as his bike lays abandoned behind him on the driveway. 

“Where are your dad and Carlos?”

“They’re at a baseball tournament,” Julie says, as her back hits the garage door, the handle digging uncomfortably into her hip. She mumbles the words against his mouth as one of Luke’s hands slides from her waist and fumbles for the handle.

“Tournaments last all day, yeah?”

“All weekend,” she corrects when he spins them around and yanks at the door handle, stumbling back into the studio and taking her with him.

- Arbitrary and Capricious

Rating: T

Word Count: 325

Snippet: “It’s arbitrary and capricious,” Julie says as Luke hangs his acoustic on the wall of the studio. She’s sitting cross legged on the couch, arms folded over her chest with the sweetest pout he’s ever seen on her lips.

“You’ve been watching too much Law and Order, Jules,” he says, with a helpless shrug.

- Good Morning

Rating: T

Word Count: 1508

Snippet: Her phone buzzing on her nightstand is what pulls Julie from the best dream ever, one where she’s a year older and she’s already graduated high school and when she reaches out across her bed there’ll be a warm, familiar body there with a broad chest to lay her head on and strong arms to wrap around her instead of her pillow that feels too soft and the blankets tangled around her legs. She’s never actually woken up that way, slowly with the morning light straining through the curtains and Luke’s warm mouth pressing kisses into her skin, but Julie’s always had a vivid imagination and it’s not hard to picture, to envision that future together.

//////

Fireworks (aka Baseball AU) ‘verse

- Baby, You’re a Firework

Rating: T

Word Count: 3403

Snippet: “Ladies and gentlemen, will you all please rise and remove your caps as the Los Angeles Dodgers welcome Grammy winning recording artist and hometown girl, Julie Molina to sing our National Anthem!”

“Luke,” Reggie says, walking down from the mound toward him, taking off his cap as they stand together, facing the flag. “Did you know your girl was singing tonight?”

- Taking Off Like Fireworks

Rating: E

Word Count: 3535

Summary: When you’re in the middle of a hot streak, especially when you’re in the middle of a hot streak during the World Series, you don’t do anything to fuck it up...particularly, you don’t fuck, because that’ll fuck it up.

- Making Time Speed Up

Rating: T

Word Count:  766

Summary: She’s never seen him like this. Granted, they’ve known each other for less than a month. Three weeks, four days and a few hours, actually. But they’ve been through so much in that short amount of time, from him winning his first World Series to her deciding to take a year off from recording to figure out exactly who Julia Molina is besides the biggest pop star in the world, so maybe it feels like she’s known him all her life and it’s a little bit weird to see him nervous. It’s not a thing she associates with him, at all. Excited, definitely, upset, sure, but nervous? Never.

- The Best Thing He’s Ever Done

Rating: T

Word Count: 333

Summary: Sixteen years in the majors, seven World Series championships, six MVPs and thirteen Gold Gloves and it was finally time to call it quits. Even though his heart was still in it, his body wasn’t.It’s time for something new, but just as wonderful.

//////

The Anger Verse

- Don’t Look Back in Anger

Rating: T

Word Count: 39,698 (so far...)

MULTI-CHAPTER (Work in Progress)

Summary: Luke Patterson, frontman of Sunset Curve, runaway, drop-out, crawling back with his tail between his legs after nearly getting laid out by food poisoning of all things. He needs to pass his classes to keep up his end of the bargain he made with his parents: stay on track to graduate and stay in the band.

Julie Molina, the soulfulness of her voice matched only by the dexterity of her fingers on the keys, silenced for a year after her mother's death. She needs to play, to sing, to do something if she wants to keep her spot in Los Feliz's music program.And together, they just might do both.

- It’s No Secret

Rating: T

Word Count: 971

One-Shot/Outtake: Between Chapters 10 & 11 of Don’t Look Back in Anger

Summary: The rumors are flying. It’s not the first time Luke’s name has been whispered about in the halls of Los Feliz High School for the Performing Arts and Julie isn’t exactly a stranger to it either. It’s high school. Gossip is an art form and whatever story gets out first is believed as the gospel truth, no matter how ridiculous. But her and Luke?The gossips are…well, they’re right, for once.

//////

The Roommates ‘Verse

- And They Were Roommates

Rating: M

Word Count: 31,640 (so far...)

MULTI-CHAPTER (Work in Progress)

Summary: Julie Molina's late admission to the Manhattan School of Music means she finds herself the fourth in Sunset Curve's suite. Which would be fine, if she wasn't sharing a room with Biceps McSleeveless, the ridiculously hot jerk she watched reduce a girl to uncontrollable sobs right in front of her eyes.

~

Luke Patterson lost his college roommate and his rhythm guitarist when Bobby left the band, but now he's about to lose his sanity because he cannot stop thinking about the gorgeous wrecking ball of talent sleeping just feet away from him. It's too bad she loathes every fiber of his being.

- She’s Got This

Rating: T

Word Count: 993

One-Shot/Outtake: Alt POV of And They Were Roommates Chapter 8

Summary: Luke almost slams the door in the shithead’s face, but he manages to restrain himself.Barely.He’d been joking the other night when he called QB1 a stalker, but this? This is insane.

//////

Loving You Too Long To Stop Now ‘Verse

- I’ll See You When I See You

Rating: T

Word Count: 1246

One-Shot

Snippet: Their tours have never ended like this, at the arrivals gate at LAX. Before now it was just getting off the bus at the last stop and heading home. This time though, for their first world tour, the last leg was in Australia--Brisbane to Sydney and then finally, Melbourne where they rocked out with nearly a hundred thousand strong in the stands of the Cricket Grounds. Julie has never, ever felt anything like that, the pulsating heart beats of that many people beating for them, for their music, for that connection she and the guys have craved since they were kids in her garage dreaming of a night like that and never quite believing it would come true.Except for Luke. He always believed.

- I’ve Been Loving You Too Long

Rating: M

Word Count: 11,816

MULTI-CHAPTER

Snippet: The band has never been shy about that stuff, love and sex and everything that goes with it, but he hasn’t been able to contribute any gory details in a long ass time. No stories about bad hookups (or good ones), no late nights stumbling down hotel hallways or sneaking someone on and then off the tour bus. No more slightly buzzed answers about his exploits, what he likes and don’t like, what gets him off fast and what draws it out slow and sweet. The only thing he’s been able to do when the conversation veers in that direction is listen.In fact, at this point, Luke’s pretty sure he knows more about his bandmates’ preferences than his own and if his ears perk up a little bit more when it’s Julie’s turn to share, well she hasn’t noticed that either, so it’s fine.

JATP STANDALONE FICS

- Feel My Chest Beating Like Thunder

Rating: T

ONE SHOT

Excerpt: As soon as Julie hits that first note, Luke’s heart, the one that hasn’t beat in twenty five years, thuds in his chest and sets his entire body tingling and not in that weird way Alex keeps whining about. It’s like the first time you ride a rollercoaster, terror of going over the edge totally overpowered by a need to fall as far and as fast as you can. He felt it back at the studio and on stage at her school and he’s never going to get used to how good she is.

- Idiots in Love

Rating: T

Word Count: 4,843

MULTI-CHAPTER (drabbles)

Prompt: "A hello/good-bye kiss that is given without thinking - where neither person thinks twice about it." -No Established Relationship

(aka when kiss prompts get out of control)

- The Calm After the Storm

Rating: T

One Shot 

Word Count: 1102

Snippet: How could she hate him? Did he really think...he’s Reggie’s best friend, the boy who brought her brother back to life, the boy who brought her back to life too, even if he doesn’t realize it. How could he think...unless she was too good at hiding. How had he not seen right through it? Everyone else had.

- Touch My Body

Rating: E

One Shot

Word Count: 3709

"You sound like me, that's not a good thing." SELF AWARENESS ROBBY. LEAN INTO IT. PLEASE (Reader, he's not gonna lean into it)

The scene where Robby goes to flush the pills and then he doesn't...the moral quandary of this is so heavy. Do you cover for him? Do you make him feel the full consequences of his actions? It's SO Robby to not hold him accountable fully, but just in the way Robby thinks he should because Robby's God complex won't allow that to not be the case.

"I told you she was Filipina." "But she's so white." Will never not be the most hilarious lines on the show.

The speed at which everything goes to hell in 1x11 is SO well done. It's a little jarring (maybe in a good way?) because 1x08-1x10 are like pretty slow.

Samira immediately clocking the drug seeking patient. This case is SUCH a good example of the kind of doctor she is (and honestly, the kind of doctor Robby seems to be unconsciously - and sometimes consciously - trying to prevent her from becoming, only actually better because she connects with her patients so beautifully). It's *exactly* the kind of shit he (and Abbot) would pull. As annoyed as I get at the show sometimes, this is like TREMENDOUSLY good writing.

And then straight into Cassie's ex and his new GF being the worst. I do think this is one of the weaker bits of season 2 compared to season 1. The show deciding that it was ONLY about Robby in S2 and everyone else's character arcs simply become mirrors for his variety of issues versus them having their own actual shit to work through. It's...a less interesting form of storytelling by a lot. And I was talking to @laurie-ipsum about this yesterday but like it's extra annoying if they realize that for season 3 and move away from it and Samira's plot line never gets to recover because she's fucking gone. Ugh. This fucking show.

Are there people out there who really think that Collins's pregnancy wasn't Robby's baby? Because like...that was Robby's baby. Also their dynamic kind of fascinates me and I have this head canon that Robby actually cheated on Janey with Collins.

AND I AM SO SICK OF THE NARRATIVE BEING LIKE SAMIRA DID THE WRONG THING and then you know, not presenting what the right thing is. Like, Robby doesn't present her with what he would have done instead of giving the drug-seeking father of the bride the pseudo-morphine for his withdrawal symptoms. He's just like, "You didn't come to me!" Which like, yes she should have, but also when exactly? In the middle of the delivery? In the middle of the bleeding out liver transplant patient? When he was comforting Collins out in the ambulance bay basically hidden? Anyway, whatever. Forever annoyed.

Poor Mel after Langdon leaves. Once again, insane to me that Taylor Deardon got snubbed by the academy for S1. I'm glad they made up for it with S2 even though I don't think it was the strongest performance of the role or compared to what Isa and Supriya did in S2.

Also love the audience hating Santos and disagreeing with Robby and hating her for turning in Langdon, but refusing to disagree with Robby on Samira. It's hilarious. Anything to hate a woman especially a woman of color.

And now to 1x12...Jack Abbot will return and I can at least take some joy in that...

I do love how fast Gloria gets on board with All Hands on Deck as Pittfest starts up...

AND HE'S BACK.

I cannot stress enough how, "I heard it on the police scanner" is perhaps the most character revealing line of anything I've ever seen or read? Like that tells you a billion things about that character. I do have a head canon though that his police scanner is actually in his car and not at his house. I think it's used for his TEMS stuff and not so he can sit in his house and listen to it. I, generally, don't think Jack's PTSD manifests in the ways I see bandied about On Here and in fic sometimes. I think if he ever had major symptoms, those days are long gone or at least VERY, VERY few and far between. He wouldn't be able to do the TEMS work with it (someone with even rarely occurring severe PTSD symptoms getting shot at on purpose for work? Yeah, no way someone is allowing that kind of liability when they hire him and honestly no way he puts himself in a situation where someone else could die because he's experiencing symptoms during a SWAT operation. That's not the Jack Abbot the show has given us). So I imagine Jack has a police scanner in his car for when he gets called in for TEMS and he can keep updated until he arrives on scene and for moments like this so he knows if/when to go into work on occasions like this where they'll need him. I think it's more practical than symptomatic (though I do think there's a touch of that as well that comes out as decently regulated hyper-vigilance).

Also, I shouldn't find the casual carrying of the switch blade that hot, but like...I do.

Weird moment for me but the older man in the waiting room dressed in a checked striped collared shirt and a members only jacket is basically wearing the uniform my Poppy wore every day of his retirement until the day he died, as did many of his generation, and it's such a great job from wardrobe.

God Abbot's such a medicine junkie, I love him so much.

Mel's little, "Okay yeah." when she gets put on point in yellow.

John Chen being the chillest motherfucker in the world gives me so much joy.

And Ellis is there! My affection for her also knows no bounds.

GIVE US A NIGHT SHIFT SHOW YOU COWARDS.

"Looks like this one's renal" and lifting a dick up into the air I know it's not supposed to be funny but I am 12 years old at heart and I still find it hilarious.

The moment when he sees Langdon and then he takes a moment to look around. My feelings about Robby are so complicated, but MY GOD it must have been so hard for him in this moment. The breakdown that's coming is so perfectly narratively set up.

This rewatch has me analyzing micro expressions and that look on Jack's face when he sends that victim to the morgue.

And Mel donating. My heart. I love her.

"Mohan is on fire." ... do I hate how much joy his praise to her gives me? Probably as much as the character hates how much joy his praise gives her. Again, I know I bitch about it, but the show has set up such a great fucking complicated relationship for them, I just wish it actively understood the other layers of it that it doesn't want to acknowledge.

Chad arriving in the ER in his stupid gown with his crutches and seeing Cassie do he thing is SO FUCKING SATISFYING. You are an unserious person and she is a serious person and IT'S TIME YOU ACKNOWLEDGED THAT FACT.

Watching Kiara and Lupe deal with the families of the victims, I just...it's SO hard.

"Are you donating?"

"O-neg. Yeah."

Has anything ever been hotter? I think not.

"Only way out is through." Parker Ellis is like my own inner voice most of the time. I love her so much.

The crazy fucking vaccine lady storyline is a favorite. Like they just absolutely destroy everything about her arguments the entire time and it solidifies that I could never work in healthcare because I'd quite simply Not Be Able to Deal With It.

God Langdon is SUCH a dick to Santos and like obviously I know what he's going through but there's also a ton of "I Learned This From Robby" that I want to punch both of them simultaneously.

And the moment with Robby and Collins with the rat, like we get so many little glimpses of the man he CAN be and by season 2 the man he can't be anymore, at least not without a lot of help in those moments and it actually makes me so sad watching it in retrospect. It does do what the ethos of the show is which is to give us a sense of what our healthcare system does to doctors and despite all of its many flaws, damn does the show deliver on that level. Then you add Langdon's meltdown at Santos on top of that and I just...like it's clear as we go through the rest of this season and next that Robby blames himself for what's going on with Langdon and obviously he's not totally at fault, but I do think he bears some responsibility for creating a work environment where that kind of thing was modeled for him. You can tell when Robby confronts him that it is literally the first time he's like EVER been given negative feedback. Wild.

Then right to the scene with Mel and God, I really, really love their dynamic and it makes me sad that I just do not get ship vibes there at all. It's all just THAT'S HER BROTHER, SHE NEEDS A BROTHER. And THAT'S HIS SISTER, HE NEVER HAD ONE AND HE DEFINITELY NEEDS ONE, for me.

"Mateo is like a human Utah" will never not make me crack up for a solid five minutes. I love Victoria Javadi with my whole heart.

Mel's little smile when she gets to do the gravel extractions.

I would very much like more Santos and Mohan friendship and apparently we're never ever going to get that and fuck this show completely for depriving me of that.

Also Fuck Doug Driscoll forever. I have a headcanon that Abbot does at least some petty revenge and has him pulled over a bunch or just takes matters into his own hands and slashes the fucker's tires.

And on to episode 10...

Whitaker's future girlfriend's husband just got rolled in. Hilarious to me that by the end of Season 2 that's viewed as like, a positive thing and meanwhile everyone else got torpedo'd by Robby.

Cassie's ex getting rolled into the ER is just *chef's kiss* and they didn't even try to pretend. His name is Chad. And when they put him out and he starts whining about Cassie and Mateo. It's hilarious.

I still kind of ship Mateo and Cassie, not gonna lie. Like, get it, girl.

Robby not fundamentally understanding that Sisyphus was being punished is...so good.

I will cackle at the nurses surrounding Gloria every single time. I"ve been a union rep. It gives me nothing but pleasure to make management squirm, always.

And now Langdon confronting Santos about her conversation with Robby and now I don't just want to punch him in the face, I want to actively strangle him.

Whitaker's girlfriend is back and I genuinely cannot watch this plot line without cringing. I want to think it's sweet, but I just cannot.

I forgot that Robby does apologize to Cassie about not acting on the information he had. Season 2 Robby colors my opinion of Season 1 Robby sometimes. But it is interesting to me to think about like...would Season 2 Robby been able to make that call? I don't think so.

Princess and Perlah talking about Langdon and Collins and then Collins and Robby. I'm like...did everyone not know? Did just Dana know?

Langdon being like "she gave Javadi a shitty nickname" when we KNOW he calls Samira SloMo. Like dude what the actual fuck?

Love how during episode 10 Dana's like "Pretty fucked up day!"

Oh girl...

Samira and Mel talking about "special sauce." And then Samira with that epi save. SHE'S SUCH A GREAT FUCKING DOCTOR and then she encourages Mel. WE DO NOT DESERVE HER.

I cannot handle the Mateo and Cassie and Victoria losing her mind and Cassie thinking she'll babysit. We needed more of this kind of stuff in S2 and it kind of got buried for the most part.

God, I am getting choked up just watching Collins roll that ultrasound machine into a trauma room and Robby walking in on her. What a fucking gut punch of a moment.

And the absolute LIES pouring out of Langdon's mouth as he works on Louie. I'm just...IMAGINE STEALING MEDICINE FROM LOUIE!? Preying on someone who needs so much help. God, I KEEP TRYING TO HAVE SYMPATHY FOR LANGDON BUT THIS REWATCH IS NOT HELPING.

The look Robby gives Samira when the mercury poisoning results come through and how clearly happy it makes her BUT MY DUDE SORRY YOU DON'T GET TO BE PROUD, YOU SHOULD BE LIKE SORRY I WAS ABOUT TO ADMIT A WOMAN TO PSYCH WHEN SHE WAS LITERALLY POISONED MY BAD YOU WERE RIGHT. Is it realistic that he doesn't? Sure, of course. But I'm gonna yell about it because once again, fuck men in authority who can never admit to being wrong.

The daughter/mom caretaker story is so well done. I just love all the actors in it so much. And Mel's character is so solid with it.

I'm CACKLING at Trinity and Cassie making eye contact over the amputated finger while the HVAC guy flirts with Collins. '

And the moment with Willie, the former ambulance Freedom House corp guy is so so good. I continue to love all the little Pittsburgh moments even when they shoehorn them the fuck in. I'm such a sucker for them.

The human trafficking "accountant" and "assistant" storyline is SO good because it's just on the right side of uncomfortable and weird.

Also the mother daughter relationship with Eileen and Victoria is incredible. Wants her daughter to do well, but also is weirdly upset by her daughter being right?

The scene with Mel telling the little girl that her sister died is good, but also so weird because her grandmother is right there and they're not acknowledging that? Like this woman's granddaughter is dead and no one is saying anything? And like I know they can't actually tell her but also...I don't know there's something so odd about the framing of these moments. A rare weak moment in the show's otherwise really well laid out plot arcs.

"Langdon Meth Head" JFC, the foreshadowing, it is strong.

Langdon: "Are you mean to everyone or just me?"

Dana: "Just you."

So West Wing coded...

Gloria: Get patient satisfaction scores up

Robby: *is nice to Samira for the first time all episode*

Season 1 is interesting because there are still so many flashes of how good a doctor Robby *can* be and the doctor he probably was for so very long before the burn out. I don't necessarily ship him with Collins, but truly she's probably the kind of person that could have saved him from this kind of spiral. And then Robby makes the abortion delay about Collins's lack of wanting to risk her ENTIRE FUCKING CAREER on it andddddd it's suddenly clear why they broke up. Like, my God , dude.

Me, not being petty for once: Noah Wyle's performance in this role is incredibly deserving of that Emmy. He is *so* good in this role, I just wish the show was a little bit more self-aware about it's own blind spots with it.

Not gonna lie, on rewatch Donnie is such an underrated part of this show. More Donnie plz.

Primanti''s having a little cameo makes me smile. I've been and the sandwiches *are* in fact that good.

And now on to 1x07...

The middle of the season does suffer from a bit of mushy middle...but Myrna continues to be the MVP of the season.

"Have you seen our sad boy anywhere?" Man, I cackled.

I still get the sibling vibes from Langdon and Mel. And while I don't think Taylor Deardon should have gotten an Emmy nom for season 2, I do think she was a snub for season 1 and so it evens out. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Once again, Samira Mohan is an excellent fucking teacher and the show never GIVES HER CREDIT FOR IT.

Watching Samira with Nandi, I just...SHE IS SUCH A GREAT FUCKING DOCTOR AND FUCK ROBBY FOR MAKING HER THINK FOR A SECOND THAT SHE ISN'T.

That moment with the Nepali victim and the Good Samaritan just makes me absolutely sob.

And now I am Once Again annoyed that Isa Briones didn't get an Emmy nom for this season or season 2. My God. She's so fucking good.

And once more, "Knowing when to move on." ...as Samira absolutely nails the differential of the young woman being poisoned by her makeup and Robby would have just sent her off to psych. So one more time, for the people in the back: Fuck Michael Robinavich. Heather Collins, 'Listen to your patient." we didn't deserve you. And then his fucking EGO gets in the way because he's wrong and how dare anyone else be right when God Himself has already spoken.

"You're riding her so hard she's starting to lose confidence." HEATHER COLLINS WE MISS YOU.

God, the little drips of the Langdon addiction plot and Santos's slow, but steady suspicions is so good. But also like, with some time and perspective it's SO bad. Like, spread out over the whole season when you don't know it's happening it's easy to sort of feel like it's not actually that bad, but man it's REALLY bad. Patient could have died. Santos learns the wrong thing and could harm future patients. And he creates a situation where Robby's impression of an intern on her first day is a negative one. Like...so bad on so many levels and I know the show does the meta thing of like, "they're white and well off" thing with the pot kid parents and that translates to his plot line of personal and professional consequences, not you know, appropriate legal consequences, but JFC it's SO bad. I know people have a soft spot for him because of his relationship with Mel, but God I really do not fuck with this dude.

God, Samira with Whitaker. "You didn't screw up. The patient died. It happens." Getting him back on the horse. Imagine if she had a teacher who could communicate that without making her feel like she doesn't belong after already spending years proving herself. ANYWAY..."You got this, Whitaker." She is SUCH a good doctor and such a good teacher. Fuck Michael Rabinovich until the end of time.

God the little character moments. Jack Abbot...fudging numbers so a girl can get the healthcare she needs. I do love the show acknowledging that a Black woman taking that risk is not the same as Abbot and Robby taking it, but I don't love that she was the one who had to verbalize it. It's just one of those things where the show doesn't understand how their internalized misogyny and racism comes in. It's not overt. It's subtle and I don't know that they even know they're doing it, which is why it's frustrating as a viewer for me.

Also Samira gets lectured about speed while Langdon is literally doing spinny chair sports with Jake? Sounds about white.

I did forget how much Dana was rooting for Robby and Collins. Anyway, Mohabbot would have a cheerleader in her for sure and also like...the amount of people who wring their hands at the relationship when very clearly Collins and Robby were super public?

Jesus, he is SO hard on her all the fucking time. It's insane. What other moment in the show has Samira ever not had an appropriate sense of urgency? "You're trying to be their friend." Like I KNOW it's supposed to be him seeing himself in her. I know that, but we never get there in the narrative. The *show* never acknowledges it. Never acknowledges that he's trying to prevent her from being LIKE HIM because he can't fathom that someone can be a good doctor, like he is, but do it without spiraling like he has. And never an acknowledgement that had she not been standing there no one would have known what was wrong with her and THE PATIENT WOULD HAVE DIED. Anyway, Heather Collins, apologizing to Samira and just outright telling Samira that Robby's wrong...at least the show had the sense to acknowledge that bit out loud, even if the narrative proceeds to ignore it after the fact.

Okay I get a little less siblings from Mel and Frank at the start of episode 3.

Oh and now I'm gonna start to get BIG MAD for my girl Samira Mohan because we're hitting the "you waste time and money on unnecessary tests" lecture from Robby and then he's going to give her the "you made a mistake and someone died AND THEREFORE YOU DON'T BELONG HERE" lecture in season 2 and honestly, yeah, it fits his character arc, but only if people understand that HE IS ACTUALLY WRONG ABOUT HER. And that sometimes people in positions of power who have been around long enough know exactly what to say and how to say it to make all the bullshit they spew sound like the word of fucking God when really it's their own bullshit that they haven't dealt with. And while I"m here, let's remember that Samira's season 1 arc is about fixing this problem that he insists she rectify and she DOES and then somehow...welp, actually let's make the REVERSE her problem but also still imply that she's slow in S2. When this show is bad at something, it's very very bad at it. I really need them in S3 at some point for FUCKING SOMEONE to tell Robby that actually he's not just wrong in his delivery , but he's ACTUALLY wrong about shit and if they don't reference Samira I will lose it.

Myrna's existence gives me life because she gives Robby shit the way I would like to.

The more I watch S1 I love Trinity Santos so much. Maybe one of my favorite TV characters of all time.

I love S1 Whitaker and I'm trying not to let the show being like 'Actually Now He's Super Intern" by season 2 for IDK white boy existing reasons color how much I love him in S1. He is having A BAD DAY and it's really well portrayed.

And oh my god here we are again with the Robby Is Absolutely Sure that David Isn't a Threat as if he is anyway qualified to make that judgment.

Also the amount of approval that Langdon is clearly desperate for from Robby is SO clear to me during this rewatch.

I do love how absolutely dedicated the show is in just shoehorning in Pittsburgh lore even if it feels a little bit awkward. I don't care at all.

Also like I KNOW people do this all the time, but I just cannot imagine deliberately going against one of my parents stated wishes about how they want to go out.

And back to Samira again, teaching Santos how to have some bedside manner. Like...SHE IS NOT WRONG. But the show always feels the need to undermine her, even when she's correct.

Ugh fucking Doug Driscoll has arrived.

And oh is Robby having the start of a panic attack? The one that he decides is legitimate because his own trauma is just SO MUCH WORSE that anyone else's?

I love Donnie so much. "What we really need is a Pavulon Blow Dart"

Okay the Garcia absolutely just being like I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO FUCK THIS NEW INTERN is *a lot*

Also love the casting of Marguerite Moreau for the aunt of the pregnant teen because any time I can be like OH FROM THE MIGHTY DUCKS?

And while I'm here...Jack Abbot's off screen characterization continues. Making sure a teenager has a choice. Like, my God, dude. There are so many good guest stars.

Samira doing her best with every single new kid and every single one of them is fucking up and she's just like, "MY GOD HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER SPOKEN TO A HUMAN BEING IN YOUR LIFE?!"

So much of this first episode is Bad Old Man Writing. Like in what world is a room full of Millennial and Gen Z residents not staring at their attending when they don't understand their screaming patient in a foreign language in disbelief like, "Let's us Google Translate?? Immediately??"

God, Jack Abbot really is That Guy from the second he's on screen right? I wonder what it must be like for NW to be overshadowed by a shorter more charismatic guy on medical drama? Odd specific scenario and weird that it happened twice.

Also hilarious watching Samira flawlessly run the trauma for the "worse" patient when the train "accident" comes in and then get told she doesn't belong in Emergency Medicine because she doesn't meet the one metric that Robby has decided to care about versus all the others. It's astounding to me that she always seems to be *excellent* at her job until suddenly she doesn't need to be For Plot Reasons when that doesn't happen really for any other character? It's extremely annoying.

Javadi's crush on Matteo continues to be one of the more adorable things in both seasons.

I'm being annoying about the show, but also love that they talk us through a cric in episode 1 step by step, including the steps you'd take when you have to do it fast. I'm sure it slides past people the first time they watch it, I know it did for me, but it's really good writing.

God, Cassie's ankle monitor reveal is SO good. I whine about this show a lot but when it's good it's very, very good.

*sigh* I know, I'm sorry, I know people love Mel and Frank, but I get such a sibling vibe from them and I hate to agree with NW on anything, but....anyway...

Samira with her sickle cell patient working at fucking speed and anyway she's the future of fucking medicine and fuck Michael Robinavitch. And she's such a good fucking teacher too with Huckleberry later. I just...UGH I WILL NEVER NOT BE ANNOYED BY THEIR BULLSHIT CHOICES.

Also I am cackling at the Collins/Robby eye contact while Garcia is guiding Santos through the fasciotomy.

I've always said that The Pitt runs because The West Wing walked and talked and one of the main reasons why is it's beautiful thesis on parents and children and the dichotomy of the parents whose child overdosed and the children whose father has Alzheimers is pitch perfect and one of the reasons why this show annoys me when they get lazy with stuff because they can be BRILLIANT.