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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@sanealex

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I think about this cake every day
sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious
OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:
When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.
The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?
This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.
I love a botched cake.
one time me and some pals spotted one of those big cookie cakes in a store. it was done up with red icing and little X's for kisses and in the middle it said
No One Like You
now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"
for ages after when we'd wind each other up we'd declare "NO ONE LIKE YOU ☹️👎"
I just feel like it's important to post the Sacred Texts
Hi, its me. The warmest creature in the world. I love you. Im the warmest creature in the world and I love you so much and I need to be in your lap right now. Yes, I know about the heat wave. That's okay though because I was already the warmest creature in the world so I don't mind. I love you and you need to let me sleep in your lap right now. I'm soooo warm and I love you sooo much. If you say no you'll be saying no to a thing that love you. Let me sleep in your lap. When I fall asleep I get warmer. I love you
i had a dream last night that the entire world used a currency (?) called angrypennies which as the name implies are obtained by experiencing anger. the stronger and more intense your anger was, the more angrypennies you'd gain. an all-consuming rage would earn you more than a slight irritation, etc. so people were always searching for ways to fuel their anger and purposefully keeping themselves angry all the time because they wanted to earn angrypennies. unclear if angrypennies could be exchanged for goods and services, or if they were just a collectible.
anyway, as if this wasn't heavy-handed enough, at one point british comedian greg davies appeared and explained that angrypennies couldn't be worth feeling angry all the time. this was a real revelation to dream-me and i was finally able to break free of the angrypenny grind and allow myself to experience emotions other than anger.
it goes without saying that i will be using the word angrypenny as if it was part of the common vernacular instead of a term that my dreaming brain conjured up i.e. "he's all about the angrypennies" (derogatory way to refer to a guy who searches for reasons to be angry and possibly lacks introspection)
You know what, fuck you *banishes you to the late 90s music video dimension*

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My illustrations the most based poem about tigers by Nael, age 6
Every time I read it I feel space inside my chest expand in very *emotion* way.
Sometimes I think about how Esme Weatherwax desperately wanted to be the evil twin, but the logic of narrative causality constrained her to be good after Lilly turned evil.
#and she hates it#she hates it so godsdamned much#she’ll do it but christ alive#and iirc when she finds out that lily didn’t try to have *fun* being evil she absolutely snaps#which kills me because it’s like ‘i had to become your narrative foil and you didn’t even have fun???’#‘i would be ruling the world if i was the evil twin and you didn’t even have fun?????’#‘what the hell were you doing it for if not for fun??? get down here i’ll maul you’ (via @thestuffedalligator)
Even worse, Lilly was convinced that she was the good one.
weatherwax family trait: no fun allowed
"average witch has fun" factoid actualy just statistical error. average witch has 0 fun per year. Nanny Ogg, who is currently blasted on scumble & is leading a sing-along about the delights of buggery, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
The way all the 2020s have done so far have been making me categorically against every new generation of tech that comes out is insane. Like I'm from a technological boom generation, saw the first portable phones, nokias & blackberries & flipphones etc, and the first smartphones, and the first ipods & ipads & tablets in general while still having cassettes & DVD & MP3 players around so I know how all of it work, I had computer classes in high school, I did the transition between home desktop computers to laptops and back to gaming computers. But then they started to put internet in your printer & microwave, everything has ads & AI now and every update is worst than the last. I literally loved technology and they ruined it
the creative process is a challenging one
The Shibari Game
At a conference/festival last year, there was a Shibari workshop on the schedule for some reason, although the topic of the event was prediction markets. This led to the following exchange (all names changed):
Adam (who at the time was basically a stranger to me): Hmm, "Shibari"... What is that, some kind of Jewish ritual?
Me: No, it's-
Barbara: EVERYONE SHUT UP! Ok. Nobody tell this man what shibari is.
Everyone: ...?
Barbara: We’re playing 20 questions.
Thus began what was by far the best game of 20 questions I have ever witnessed. There were... appreciably more than 20 questions.
[literally ten minutes of questions later]
Adam: Ok, so! Shibari... is a Japanese social export, it's an activity somebody does, it's in some way artistic, it does not involve drawing, it does not involve writing, it involves an inorganic object and an organic object, and... the organic object is a human, right?
Everyone: Right
Adam: And the inorganic object...
Barbara: Well...
Chris: The inanimate object
Adam: The inanimate object, which, oh, which is organic, which suggests that it's clothes... Is the inanimate object clothing?
Everyone: No
Me: To clarify, the inanimate object is always organic in terms of 'organic chemistry', but might or might not be, like, made from biological material
Adam: Ok. And so, you have an inanimate object, and you have a person... The person does not have to do anything during the... shibari activity. You are doing a manipulation to the inanimate object, with the person, for purposes that are fun... Is it for the entertainment of a group?
Barbara: Could be? ...
Adam: So it could be for the entertainment of a group, but it could be for the entertainment of the individuals?
Everyone: Right
Adam: Ok. The inanimate object - the equipment - right? It is not specialised, but is a common object, correct?
Everyone: yeah
AI
Adam: Does it have anything at all to do with AI?
Everyone: [laughter] No
Adam: I had to check. In this setting, everything turns back to AI at some point
Me: I would say no
Frank: Not yet!
Me: Right, not yet. But yeah, 'No' is definitely the answer to that one
George: I trust Rob Miles on this
Barbara: As an expert in shibari?
Frank: As an expert in AI Shibari. I think that's what it's called.
Chris: Oh, yeah it kind of is!
Can one shibari by accident?
Adam: Ok. Is it something that one might do without knowing that it is shibari?
Everyone: [cacophony of disagreement]
Me: Interesting question!
Frank: Very interesting question.
Barbara: It's totally plausible that someone would do something that would qualify as shibari without knowing the Japanese artform
Me: Yeah, and they might also have seen things about it but not know the name of it
Chatting during shibari
Adam: Does it involve talking?
Everyone: No, not necessarily
Adam: God Dammit. Agh, I thought it might be... talking using some prop or something
Barbara: For me it always involves talking, but it's...
Adam: One doesn't have to?
Barbara: It's just 'cause I don't stop talking
[laughter]
Adam: And it doesn't involve betting markets in any way?
Everyone: No
How technologically advanced is shibari equipment?
Adam: Ok. Is the object technologically difficult to make?
Everyone: No
One guy: Yes
Everyone: What? No it isn't!
Adam: Is it only available in an industrialised economy?
Everyone: No
That one guy again: Yes!
Everyone: NO!!!
The guy: No, you're right, I'm sorry... But it is difficult to make
George: Every object is difficult to make!
Barbara: Maybe you're confused about what shibari is
Ed: Yeah, you should be up there with Adam
Adam: Would it have been available before industrialisation?
Everyone: Yes!
Adam: Ok. Um... is it a stick?
Everyone: It's not a stick
No cheap tricks allowed
Adam: I feel like I'm gonna get close to covering everything...
Me: I feel like we were very close just now, when you were like "Well what could this object be?"
Adam: Ok so the object is important. It's... before industrialisation... Does it begin with a letter before-
Everyone: No, no, we're not doing that. N/A
Adam: Ok so it starts with an N and an A...
[laughter]
What is this dang object?
Adam: Ok... so... is the object artificially pigmented?
Everyone: Can be, but not necessarily
Adam: Is it commonly painted?
Everyone: No
Adam: Is it commonly dyed?
Everyone: Yes
Adam: Ok, is it something that it's very common to dye in other purposes?
Everyone: Yeah
Adam: Does it involve a vegetable, of some kind?
Everyone: ...No?
Adam: Does it involve a plant?
Everyone: [confusion about what 'involve' means]
George: The object can have... some relation to a plant
Me: eehhh, that's more confusing than helpful. We already said that it can be biologically derived
Adam: But it would have been available before industrialisation?
Everyone: Yeah
Adam: So it's got to be something that is... around. Is it something that requires human modification to make into the form we know and love?
Everyone: Yes
Adam: Uh.. does this processing require specialised skill?
Everyone: Yeah, some skill for sure
Adam: Would I be able to do it? Like, without training?
Everyone: Probably not
Ed: On a long enough time horizon you'd figure it out, but the answer is basically no
Adam: Like, you throw me in with the tools to make it and say "come out in an hour", could I...
Everyone: No, probably not
Adam: But other people would be able to make it in an hour?
Everyone: Yeah, with the right skills
It’s not a weapon
Adam: Does it involve a weapon of any kind?
Everyone: No.
George: How creative are you allowed to-
Everyone: The answer's no
What shape is the object?
[long pause]
Adam: Well... does anyone else have any questions?
Barbara: You're asking such good questions though!
Ed: Yeah you're doing a good job
Danielle: I think you should ask more questions about the shape of the object
Everyone: Oh, great suggestion
Adam: Ok, is it spherical?
Everyone: No
Adam: Is it cylindrical?
Everyone: Yyeeaahh, sort of, yeah.
Adam: So it's not a pure cylinder but it's cylindrical-ish?
Everyone: Yeah
Adam: Is it an ovaloid?
Everyone: No.
Adam: Is it an ellipsoid?
Everyone: No
Adam: Is it uh... hmm... But it's longer than it is wide?
Everyone: Yes!!!
[scattered applause, we're close now]
Adam: Is it a plank of wood?
Everyone: No!!!
Barbara: It still isn't that!
Frank: No, his previous guess was stick
Adam: Yeah, a plank of wood requires processing and I couldn't make it... like it fits a lot of the other questions
Barbara: No you're right, that's fair, I'm convinced. It is a plank of wood.
Where is the object?
Adam: Could I find it inside a building or outside a building?
Everyone: Yes...
Adam: Wait. I mean. Ok, can you find it in a bathroom?
Everyone: Not really
Adam: Can you find it in a kitchen?
Everyone: Probably not
Adam: Can you find it lying on the ground?
Everyone: Yeah possibly
Adam: Is it something that people commonly use?
Everyone: Yeah
Adam: Is it something that people would pick up if they saw it lying there?
Everyone: Nah
It’s really not a weapon
Adam: Is it something that is dangerous at all?
Everyone: Can be, but not especially
Adam: Is any part of it sharp?
Everyone: No
Adam: Can any part of it fragment?
Everyone: [???]
Adam: Like, is it brittle?
Everyone: No
Adam: So it's firm?
Everyone: No
Adam: Is it flexible?
Everyone: Yes!!
Adam: Ok! Is it a pool noodle?
Everyone: [laughter]
Adam: Which is cylindrical, flexible, and organic, dyed but not painted...
Everyone: No, we're so proud of you, you're doing great
Me: But we did say "pre-industrial"
Pinning down the object
Adam: Ok ok. Is it a solid?
Everyone: Yes
Adam: Is it any of the solid hybrids, like a colloid or a gel?
Everyone: No
Adam: Does it retain its shape after being bent?
Everyone: Uh... yes?
Adam: So it doesn't spring back with any force?
Everyone: No, it doesn't spring back
Adam: Ok... so... Is it Japanese in origin, or is it found around the world?
Everyone: [assorted contradictory statements]
Me: The origin of the practice is Japan, but the origin of the object is all over
Adam: Is the object put on a person?
Everyone: Yes!
Adam: Is the object... um... is the object rope?
Everyone: YES!!
[scattered applause]
Me: The object is rope!
Adam: Ok!
Me: Now bring it home
Bringing it home?
Adam: Are things hung upon the rope?
Everyone: Uuuuummmmmm. Ambiguous? No.
Adam: Is the rope itself... does the rope look good?
Everyone: Yes!
Adam: Ok! Is this putting-on... a mark of esteem?
Everyone: No?? ???
[laughter]
Adam: So the object is a rope, and you're putting the rope on somebody
Everyone: Yes!
Adam: You're... putting rope on somebody!
Everyone: Yeah!
Adam: Is that... is that not the practice?
Everyone: No, no, it is, it is!
[confused cheering. Are we done?]
We’re not done
Chris: But, no, come on, there's more to it!
Ed: You're missing something critical!
Chris: You're so close!
Adam: Ok. Do you... hang someone?
Everyone: [strongly conflicting opinions]
Barbara: Only if you're doing it extremely wrong
Adam: Ok. But you can tie knots?
Everyone: YES!
Adam: Ok! Do you tie... is it a bracelet of some-
Everyone: No!
Adam: So it's not an adornment of any kind...
Everyone: Well...
Where on the body?
Adam: Is it put on your neck?
Chris: No
Danielle: Well, can be...
Adam: On your head?
Everyone: Can be
Adam: On a limb?
Everyone: Yeah
Adam: It's on a limb
Me: Not exclusively
Adam: On an arm?
Everyone: Can be
Adam: On a leg?
Everyone: Can be
Adam: On... uh... I've run out of limbs...
What does it mean?
Adam: Ok, it's rope, you put it on somebody, it's Japanese in origin... does it... signify something?
Everyone: Not really
Adam: Hmm. Do you tie the rope in a loop?
Everyone: ...Yeah??
Adam: I'm wondering, is it the casting of ropes upon people, like uh...
Chris: It's not a lasso, no
Frank: I like the idea of shibari as, like, a carnival game...
Barbara: I'm unclear on what the win condition is here...
Ed: I feel like there is a really important component that we haven't got yet
Everyone: Yeah, when he gets that component, he’s won
Are people into shibari?
Adam: Hmm... Did you find yourself fired by enthusiasm to do it upon being told about it?
Several people: Yes
Me: Personally no, but...
[laughter]
Adam: So it has mixed appeal?
Barbara: That is absolutely correct
Can one shibari... too hard?
Adam: Is it um, does it involve the tying of knots?
Everyone: YES
Adam: Ok. Are there knots that are peculiar to shibari?
Everyone: yeah
Adam: Is the learning of knots, or the tying of knots upon other people the important part?
Everyone: Uh... yes?
Adam: Do you tie someone up and they attempt to escape?
Everyone: Uh, not necessarily, but like, often.
Me: Yes is closer than no, I think
Adam: Ok, you tie rope on someone. Do you have to use some sort of special rope for it? Can you use any rope?
Barbara: You can use any rope, but some are better than others
Adam: So you wouldn't want to use any rough ropes, or...
Danielle: No, you do, that's actually preferred
Adam: You prefer rough ropes?
Chris: Some do
Frank: It depends
Danielle: Natural fibers tend to be rougher
Adam: Does it chafe?
Danielle: It can, but ideally not
Adam: Would you do it even if you were injured in the process of doing it?
Frank: No
Barbara: You would not want that to happen generally
Adam: Uh... Does it look cool?
Everyone: Yes!!
Origami?
Adam: So you're tying knots that look cool... is it like an origami for knots?
Everyone: [confused disagreement]
Ed: It's not about the knots
Chris: It's totally about the knots!
Frank: It's all about the cones...
Adam: Like, in origami you fold paper in ways that look cool, maybe you tie knots in ways that look cool?
Everyone: [loud disagreement]
Diagnosing the problem
[long long pause]
Chris: Ask the question in your heart!
Adam: ...Neckties?
Everyone: No?
Barbara: I keep thinking "But, he already has it", and then he asks a question that makes me say "No, he doesn't have it at all"
Frank: I think there's a question you want to ask, but you're not...
Everyone: Yeah
Chris: Yeah, ask the question that you don't want to ask
Danielle: I don't think he has the question...
Adam: Would it cause any gratification in someone?
Everyone: Yes!
Adam: Would it... Would it cause sexual gratification?
Everyone: Yes!!
Adam: Is it a practice... under the category of kink?
Everyone: Yes!!!
Adam: Is it tying somebody up for bondage purposes?
Everyone: YEAH!!! [Pandemonium, hollering, applause, Adam is lifted above the cheering crowd]
After the hearty congratulations were done, I wandered off, elated from the experience, and I bumped into a group of friends.
"Friends!" I said, "I just had the funniest experience. This guy didn't know what 'shibari' was, so we-"
"Shibari?" a friend interjected, "What is that, like, a Jewish building?"
"OK EVERYONE SHUT UP" I said.

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LIES AND DECEIT
A THOUSAND YEARS IN JAIL FOR MOTHER
Jail!!! Jail for mother!!! Jail for mother for One Thousand Years!!!
First of all, how dare you!
I WANT TO LOOK AT THINGS MADE BY HUMAN BEINGS
And also occasionally by pufferfish
Google AI Overview court loss in Germany could spell doom for AI search industry.
"Google AI Overview court loss in Germany could spell doom for AI search industry."
It fucking better.
Like to charge, reblog to cast?

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This is a worm? Or perhaps some sort of slug?
And it's gonna getcha