𝓑𝓮𝓮 ⚞^. .^⚟

Fandom:Deltarune

Characters: Kris Dreemurr, Noelle Holiday, Susie (Mentioned)

Word count: 3118

Summary:

Kris just wanted to forget about the whole day.

Somehow that spirals into a confession 12 years in the making.

Tags:

Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt/Suicide attempt not explicitly stated as being an attempt, Very vaguely implied self harm,

hurt/comfort, one-sided Kris/Susie, childhood memories, self-hatred, self esteem issues, self harming behaviours, hypothermia, Likely medical inaccuracies, cuddling, likely out of character, bittersweet ending, It/Its pronouns for the soul,

Link to fic on ao3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/89346616

A/N:

I have only recently really gotten back into UTDR but I’ve been here since 2015 trust guys,,,, anyways make sure to read the listed tags as there is some content warnings.

I hope you guys enjoy :)

———————————————

The moment Susie shut the door, Kris felt their throat constrict, everything they had been suppressing flooding through them all at once. Susie’s voice bounced around their head, just repeating the words they didn’t want to hear, “It needs to be…Noelle’s thing too.” They didn’t WANT this to be a Noelle thing. It couldn’t be. This was a Susie and Kris thing! Their prophecy! Their team! All DAY it had been ‘Noelle this, Noelle that!, Do you think Noelle would like these Kris?’ And now Susie was involving Noelle in THEIR thing? Kris felt an all too familiar feeling bubble in their chest, a cauldron of anger, jealousy, sadness, worry. A bitter reminder that, at the end of the day, they were always the second choice.

But despite the way they could feel the cauldron in their heart spilling over, their body moved, wiping their eyes and turning away from the door.

The walk through town was quiet, the streets empty. Wind bit at their skin, cruel and cold with winter approaching. Their second Christmas after Mom and Dad split. Not that they really cared for the holiday anymore anyways. But maybe they could get Susie something nice, if the world hadn’t ended by then. Or if she hadn’t abandoned them for Noelle come Christmas time . The holidays were more her thing anyways.

The cold made Kris remember a younger Noelle, a Noelle before Dess disappeared; her curly blonde hair done in two messy braids with red ribbons, all giggles as she handed Kris a bag of carefully decorated gingerbread monsters. They remembered the way butterflies thrashed in their stomach at her smile, the way they snatched it with flushed cheeks and shared them with her despite wanting them all for themself.

Even thinking about it made the butterflies thrash again, now joined by more that crawled up into their throat and made it hard to speak, hard to think, hard to breathe-

They blinked and they were at the lake.

Of course it would take them here. It seemed to enjoy their suffering at times.

After the festival, all they could think of at the lake was Susie and Noelle laughing with each other, Noelle in Susie’s arms. They were so happy….so happy without them. Kris knew it was selfish, but they wanted to be apart of it. Apart of their blooming romance. They wanted to be more than the third wheel.

Kris took a seat by the lakes edge. The cold made their nose hurt, the breeze gently rustling the trees.

So much had happened today, but they just wanted to forget it all. Pretend that Noelle and Susie weren’t together. Pretend Ralsei didn’t know of their dishonesty. Pretend their dad hadn’t been kidnapped. (‘She promised he’d be safe. She’d lied to them, although they can’t say they were surprised. After all, when you play stupid games you win stupid prizes’).

With slow movements, Kris reached down and untied their old battered shoes – even they were hand me downs, from Dess years ago, before their feet were even big enough to fit them. Placing them to their left, along with their cell phone, they plunged their hand into the cavity of their chest and pulled out the soul, shoving it into one of their shoes to keep it from bothering them.

Awkwardly shuffling into standing, their joints and muscles aching from being without the unfortunate essence of their being, Kris stepped into the frigid water.

One step, two steps, until the water was up to their knees, cold water saturating the bottom of their pants. The cold stabbing their skin until they couldn’t feel their feet anymore. This was nice, the moon shining down on them and the dark water. Thoughts of Susie and Noelle that evening came to their mind again, they shook them away.

One step, two steps, until the water was at their hips, soaking the bottom of their sweatshirt. Their legs were freezing, they revelled in the sting. Was the water this cold when Susie stepped in? Was she just that strong, that this didn’t phase her? Or were they just weak.

One step, two steps, the water was at their waist. Their sleeves drenched. The scars on their wrists ached from the cold. This is what they deserved. For their betrayal, their jealousy, their stupid stupid feelings.

One step—

“Kris?”

A familiar voice called from the shore.

They turned around.

Everything was dark except for her. Curly blonde hair, messier than usual. Delicate antlers. Large doe eyes. All lit up by the shine of the moon.

“Noelle?”

Kris called tentatively, their voice shaking – whether it was from anxiety or the cold they couldn’t tell. The butterflies once again thrashed in their stomach and up their chest, making it hard to breathe. Or maybe that was the cold too?

“Kris! What are you doing? It’s freezing!”

She called, concern dripping from her voice, reminding them just how sweet she is; like a candy cane.

“Looking at the moon.”

They replied back. But what were they really doing ? They hadn’t thought about it hard. They’d just started walking in the hopes they’d stop thinking about today. But had they really intended on coming back to shore? They weren’t sure anymore.

Their body felt heavy, and the shore was so far away. Maybe they shouldn’t bother going back. Then Noelle and Susie wouldn’t have to be burdened with their stupid feelings and actions…

“-Kris? Stay there! I’m coming to get you!”

Through blurry vision, Kris watched as Noelle’s valuables quickly joined theirs.

Then, as she waded through the frigid water.

Until she was infront of them. Her warm hands grabbing theirs from the water and leading their heavy legs through the lake and back to the shore.

They could barely understand what she was muttering, but there was a frown on her pretty freckled face. Her hands trembled, and in the back of their mind Kris worried that she’d get sick.

Once they were out of the water, they watched as she gathered their things, shoving both their phones in her sweatervest’s patch pocket before taking hold of their hand.

Despite her fur being wet, her hand was warm in theirs.

Between the mutters they couldn’t comprehend, they understood when she gently assured them “you’re gonna be okay Kris.”

They didn’t deserve to be.

The rest was a blur. They remembered the chattering of Noelle’s teeth and the sound of hooves hitting tar. Then the terrible screech of the Holiday gate. Followed by almost falling down the stairs as Noelle lead– more like hauled–them upstairs to her room.

Then her muttering, followed by her repeated panicked apologises. “I’m so sorry Kris! Sorry sorry-“ as she stripped them of their sopping clothes. They weren’t sure what was worse, the freezing cold of their body or her warm hand brushing against the vertical scar on their chest – the consequence of ripping out their soul. They could feel how carefully she dried their shivering body, dressing them with what they were sure the only clothes that fit them, before covering them in thick blankets.

Her reassurances followed. “It’s gonna be okay- you’ll be okay-“ even out of it like this, they could tell it was more for her than them.

“I’m gonna call Ms.Toriel- she can help bring you to the hospital.”

That brought them back to their mind. With cotton in their mouth, and a body that felt clumsy- they reached out a hand from their cocoon of blankets. “No- not- no hospital” they struggled to speak, sure they were slurring their words.

“But Kris! You have hypothermia- you need to-“

“No!” Even with their incorporative tongue they managed to shout.

Noelle let out a frustrated sigh but relented.

“Fine!- okay. just- I’m going to go get you something to drink. Don’t move.”

She gave them a frustrated look as she left, her tail stiff instead of its usual sway as she walked. Kris knew how much their refusal worried her, it always had.

Looking around, they spotted their shoes abandoned on the floor by the door.

“I know you can move.” Kris spat, their words still a little slurred. “Hurry up, before she gets back.” They hissed, but all the soul did was peak out from where it had fully retreated into their red shoes. Like it didn’t want any part in this. Of course it wouldn’t come back the only time they wanted it to. (The only time they didn’t want to have to speak for themselves)

The door creaked open again, and the soul wiggled back into its shoe.

Noelle pushed the door shut with her hoof as she carried a drink in each hand and a heat pack under her arm.

Kris’s eyes followed her as she set the drinks down on her desk, then as she crouched by them. They shivered a little as Noelle gently moved aside some of the blankets to slide it into their burrito of blankets and against their bare neck. It was pleasantly warm, like a fresh slice of butterscotch pie.

Wriggling their hands out from their blankets, Kris held their hands out expectingly. Noelle huffed a little laugh and passed them one of the mugs – white with little Christmas trees all over it.

Kris smiled as they took a sip. It was hot coco, and just how they liked it; far too much coco powder for the amount of hot water and milk used. It was obnoxiously sweet, so much so that it made their stomach churn, but the fact she even remembered left their cheeks warm and their chest achey.

Too focused on their feelings, Kris didn’t notice Noelle had sat down until she shuffled close enough to almost be touching.

“Kris….what were you doing?- In…in the lake, I mean. You know it’s cold.” Noelle looked over at them, and Kris looked back.

Their throat tightened as they tried to think of what to say. How to explain themself. How to explain it. Kris hadn’t really thought very hard about it. They’d just wanted everything to stop, wanted to forget, wanted the cauldron of their heart to stop bubbling with feelings they could never share with anyone. How could they tell her that? Tell her they had almost gotten themselves killed because they were jealous.

(Even if there was more to it than that…she couldn’t know about their involvement in the dark fountains popping up, not yet.)

They truly were a coward. They should have just—

“Kris?” Noelle softly interrupted their spiral, her fluffy hand reaching to take one of theirs from its place on the warm mug.

Her grasp so gentle, so caring. Kris didn’t deserve this. They didn’t deserve her friendship, and she didn’t deserve the stress they brought her. Her dad had just got in an accident that afternoon, how dare they make things even more stressful for her.

“Kris are you okay?” She prodded again when they were still silent.

“I-” their breath stuttered as they tried to speak, their eyes burning and their throat constricting. They hated crying, but they couldn’t blink back the tears.

“I just wanted to forget today.” They finally mumbled, feeling particularly pathetic as they put down their mug to wipe away their tears.

Noelle’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Forget? Why? Oh gosh, you didn’t really wanna go with Berdly did you? I’m sorry if-“

“No! No it’s not that it’s just.. that I-“ Kris interrupted, but they choked up. They couldn’t bare to look at Noelle.

“That what Kris?” Noelle asked softly.

“That- I- you and- and- just- I- I’m jealous okay!” They finally shouted, shattering the silence in the room. Noelle’s confusion only grew.

“What?” Kris finally turned to look at Noelle.

“I’m jealous of you and Susie! It’s always ‘Susie this Susie that’ with you recently! And- and now! All day- all day Susie has been talking about you! It’s always you! But what about me? Who will I have when you two leave! When you finally realise I’m not good enough for you! That I never was and never will be?! That’s why I never told you that- that I- that..”

Kris couldn’t finish their sentence. They choked on their tears. They truly were a coward. 12 years of crushing on the same girl and they still couldn’t tell her how they really felt.

They’d never been very good at feelings, even as a kid, even before Dess disappeared and everything changed.

“Never told me…what?” Noelle asked, her voice soft and yet so loud in the quiet of the night. Just looking in her eyes they could tell she was trying to process everything they had said, trying to think of something else to say.

“That I-“ Kris swallowed, choking a bit on air as they tried to force themself to say what’s gone unsaid for the past decade. If they didn’t say it now, they weren’t sure they’d ever get another chance. Not if the prophecy was right. Not if, come tomorrow, Susie and Noelle started officially dating.

Was reality so cruel that the two people they liked had to get together?

“I- I like you Noelle! I have since we were kids, and I miss the way we were! I miss you.” They looked away, their cheeks flushed red even with the tears still trying to fall.. When they looked back, Noelle’s whole face was so red she looked more like a tomato than a deer.

“Fahaha! You’re kidding right? This- this is some sort of cruel prank right? Like- like when you kissed my cheek as kids?” She sputtered, letting go of their hands to cover her flustered face.

They felt their chest squeeze, and the tears try to start blurring their vision as they shook their head no. Their eyes stayed on the ground this time.

“I-“ Noelle started and stopped, moving her hands away from her face and onto her lap.

“Why now?” She finally whispered, and Kris looked up again to see big doe eyes glossy with unshed tears.

“Wha-“

“Why now! Why when- when I have something going for me! When Susie finally likes me back?!. Why tell me now? Do you know how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that!?” Noelle shouted, angrily wiping away her tears with clenched fists.

“Im sorry for waiting so long but- but you’re better off with Susie. All I’ve ever done if hurt you. I’m just being selfish even telling you.” Kris admitted. They were a selfish coward for ever waiting this long.

“No.” Noelle grabbed their shoulders, forcing them to face her. Her grip was so firm it hurt a little. Kris didn’t mind.

“No…?” Kris was confused by Noelle’s response, staring at her through their hair.

“You’ve done so much more than hurt me Kris. You- you get me! You really care! I trust you more than anybody else in the world, you’re the only person I can truly be myself around and I can’t imagine my life without you in it! Kris I- I love you! And I always have!”

Noelle panted as she finished ranting, a few rogue tears dripping down her cheeks, her eyes brimming with emotions Kris couldn’t even begin to understand.

They awkwardly shrugged the blankets off and pulled Noelle into a tight hug, which she returned. She smelled sweet, like gingerbread and cinnamon, her warm embrace inviting.

“I love you too Noelle” They whispered, resting their chin on her delicate shoulder.

The two were silent for who knows how long. Kris could feel their eyes growing heavy, but they didn’t want to let go. Who knew if they’d ever get to hold Noelle like this again?

But, like everything else in their life, it had to come to an end.

Noelle pulled back, a guilty look on her face.

“Kris. I- I love you. But I really like Susie too. I… I don’t know what to do.”

Kris frowned, but refused to let themselves cry over this again. They had to pick what was best for Noelle.

“Be with her. She may not seem it but Susie is the kindest person I have ever met. She cares a lot about you Noelle. You deserve someone like her.” Kris reached out and gently grabbed Noelle’s hands in their own.

“Are you sure…that you’ll be okay?” She murmured, her thumb gently running over the back of Kris’s hand soothingly.

“I will….but, if you’ll let me be selfish one more time, can I ask for one more thing?”

Kris could feel the butterflies beating their stomach as they spoke, like they were angry that they would just give her away like this after 12 years of pining. When she was so close, when she could finally be theirs. But they knew it would be too selfish of them to ask her to be with them instead of Susie. They didn’t want to hurt Susie like that, especially when the butterflies fluttered for her too.

“What is it?” She questioned, her coco brown eyes staring into theirs.

“Can…can we cuddle? Like we did as kids? Just tonight.” Kris could feel their warmth in their cheek as they nervously looked away.

Noelle giggled, but nodded.

“Yeah, we can. We should probably go to bed now then, it’s late.”

She let go of their hands to stand up, offering Kris a hand which they willingly took.

Just like when they were kids, Kris crawled onto Noelle’s bed, lying on the side against the wall. Noelle joined them after turning off the light, bringing one of the blankets Kris had abandoned earlier and spreading it over the two of them.

Silently opening her arms, Kris crawled into them, resting their forehead against her chest and laying one of their arms over her side. She adjusted the arm they were laying over and rested her other arm over them in return.

Finally getting comfortable, Kris peered up at Noelle — who had a gentle smile on her face.

“Goodnight Noelle…” Kris murmured as they tilted their head back down and closed their eyes.

They could feel Noelle’s breath on their scalp as she rested her head on top of Kris’s.

“Goodnight Kris…”.

Fandom:Life Series, Hermitcraft

Characters: c!Scar, c!Grian

Word Count: 1007

Summary:

It takes two weeks after the end of Double life for Grian to apologise.

Aka

After Scar’s abrupt end in double life, Grian certainly takes his sweet time to apologise

Tags:

Very vaguely Implied/referenced suicide (due to part 1), hurt/comfort, light angst with a happy ending, Non canon compliant, AU - Canon divergence, referenced cheating, not beta read

Link to work on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/80297236?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_1133963821

Link to part 1: https://www.tumblr.com/sandyfeatherss/809957366801055744/there-is-love-that-doesnt-have-a-place-to-rest

A/N:

This is a sequel to the previous part linked! I haven’t watched hermitcraft season 9 so apologises if there’s any inaccuracies. This can technically be read as a stand alone :)

———————————————————

2 weeks.

It had been two weeks since ‘Double Life’ — as it had been named — ended. Two weeks since Grian had returned to Hermitcraft, and yet he hadn’t spoken to Scar at all. He didn’t even do what he did last time and just avoid the subject. He was just avoiding Scar entirely, despite their bases being quite literally next to each other. Anytime Scar would make an appearance, Grian was gone. Sometimes if Scar was too out and about Grian would just straight up leave the server and go else where (gosh knows where, Scar had assumed Hermitcraft was Grian’s main server just like him).

Suffice to say, Scar was…disgruntled. Upset, even, that things hadn’t gone back to normal. That’s all he wanted, was things to go back to the way they were, with Grian’s trust again.

Scar wanted to pretend it was okay again, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t even stand being in Scar land anymore, just seeing Grian’s base from over the walls churned his stomach and made him ill (he didn’t want to admit how often he was skipping meals now, after all, anytime he ate he’d just throw it up anyways).

And he was sure the other Hermit’s had noticed by now, if the look of concern given to him by Doc of all people gave anything away. He and Grian were usually inseparable, but now it felt like there was an obsidian wall between them and all he had was a wooden pickaxe.

——

Surprisingly, at least to Scar, Grian approached him first.

Scar had been walking around Scarland in the dark, enjoying the quiet (and the fact that the cloudy night blocked his view of Dwayne) when he heard the familiar rustle of wind through feathers and the grumble of a certain someone tripping up his landing.

Part of him wanted to pull out his elytra and fly away right then and there (but Grian would catch up, the pesky bird was always brilliant in the sky) or even just start running. But part of Scar was elated! This was what he wanted wasn’t it? For things to go back to normal? This was normal (well far more normal than anything had been for the past who even knows).

“Scar.”

Grian’s voice was quiet, like it had been last time they spoke.

Scar had to swallow the memory before he became lost in them.

He turned around, and his eyes immediately went to Grian’s face.

He looked….tired. Deep Bags under his eyes, far too pale even in the dark. Scar was glad he hadn’t run, he wouldn’t want Grian to have to chase him in this state.

“Grian! My good friend, how can I help you on this fine night?” Scar forced a grin, put on the act. If he wanted things to be normal he had to act normal, even if he didn’t feel very normal right now.

Grian frowned at this, his bushy brows furrowing and his head wings drooping.

“Scar, stop.”

Oh.

“Stop what Grian?”

His grin was harder to keep.

“Stop acting like it didn’t happen. I’m here to talk.”

Grian’s gaze hardened a little.

Scar’s mask quickly dropped.

“Says you, Mister avoidant. Where was this two weeks ago?”

Scar didn’t like how bitter he sounded, how the hurt and the anger polluted his words.

Grian went to reply but stopped himself, taking a breath.

“I’m sorry.”

The anger building behind Scar’s lips quickly deflated.

“Excuse me?” Scar blanched.

“I said I’m sorry. For… for how I treated you. And for avoiding you, for the record.”

The shame crept into Grian’s features, bled from his eyes as those black and blue irises stared into Scar’s soul and silently begged to his forgiveness.

Scar wanted to forgive him, for things to return to normal but the hurt was still there and he knew he needed to say something before he tried to lay this to rest.

“You should be.”

He took a breath, and he saw the way Grian deflated, like he was ready to be told to fuck off and never come back. And Scar almost wanted to do just that. But he couldn’t, wouldn’t.

“Grian, you weren’t very nice. At all. And it hurt. You acted like I was- was- dumb! Like I wasn’t capable of keeping us alive! And then- you cheated on me! And tried to act like it wasn’t entirely you! It hurt so much, you don’t even understand! Am I really that unloveable? What did I do to- to deserve that?!”

Scar had to clamp his mouth shut to stop the flow of words spilling, to give Grian the chance to talk (the man infront of him looked like he was ready to overflow with words of his own).

“You’re not unloveable Scar! you’re the most loveable person I’ve ever met! You didn’t deserve that, and I am so sorry for making you think otherwise!”

Grian took a shaky breathe, blinking away tears (Scar had been fighting tears for a lot longer than he’d admit).

“Could you ever forgive me Scar?”

He looked like a kicked dog, it was pathetic. But Scar was guilty of caving to those eyes every time.

“I….” He started. “I forgive you, but if you EVER treat me like that again then…”

Scar struggled to swallow the lump in his throat.

“Then I won’t be so forgiving.”

That wasn’t true. As much as everything that happened hurt, Scar knew he’d forgive Grian again and again. But he didn’t need to know that.

A little bit of hope seemed to come back to Grian’s eyes, his wings fluffing up.

“Never again Scar.”

Grian stepped closer.

“You swear?”

Scar followed suite.

“I swear on my life.”

Grian strode over and, without any hesitance, wrapped his arms around Scar.

Fandom:Life Series (Double Life)

Characters: c!Scar, c!Grian

Word count: 1583

Summary:

Scar was tired of everything.

He just wanted things to go back to the way they were

Aka Scar kills himself after cutting he and Grian’s soul ties.

Tags:

Major Character Death, Suicide, Temporary character death (minecraft mechanics), Not Beta Read, Not canon compliant, AU - Canon Divergence, angst with bittersweet ending, sad ending, hurt no comfort, referenced cheating, canon inaccuracies

Link to work on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/80239001

A/N:

Please beware the tags! Tw for suicide + suicide ideation.

This is my first time uploading a fic on tumblr so I apologise if I’ve formatted anything wrong. A few things to keep in mind:

This is not canon compliant, it’s kinda set in an au where Scar & Grian didn’t abandon the keep after becoming the only green lives. Some things may not be canon accurate because I haven’t actually watched Grian and Scar’s double life 😭 also the pandas are huge jellies for everyone in this.

I hope you guys enjoy!

——————————————————————————————

Scar couldn’t do this anymore.

The arguments, the tension, the empty bed, and most importantly, Grian’s lack of faith in him. From the moment they were connected it felt like Grian seemed to constantly underestimate him! Acting like he wasn’t a capable person. Careless? Sure, but not incapable. And he was mean! Right to Scar’s face, like it didn’t twist the knife in his chest.

Maybe he was boring, so boring that Grian wanted to constantly be away from the safety of their base when he was the one so paranoid about losing their lives.

Nothing felt right anymore, the upset turned to anger turned to devastation and eventually turned to just….nothing. Scar felt nothing anymore. The jelliepanda reserve brought him no joy, even when that was all he really had to show for himself (was all he really had), his havoc was purely a way to poke back at Grian and pretend to be okay, to seem like he wasn’t ready to end it all and take Grian down with him, because if Grian thought he was careless he may as well prove him right.

But he knew he wouldn’t, because that would mean Grian would be die and Scar loved him too much for that. Loved him before he knew they were soul tied. Loved him and was ready to follow him before he even knew they were connected. In the end, Scar just wanted Grian to be happy, and if his misery did that? Then he would deal with it.

But that didn’t soften the blow as much as Scar wanted it to.

And he could admit, he wasn’t always the best soulmate. He could be careless with their lives (not that he really had the chance to, it essentially felt like he was chained to their base with how controlling Grian was), but did that really make him that unloveable? Did that make him deserve to be treated like this? Maybe it did, he didn’t know anymore.

If he could, he’d cut their soul tie just to make Grian happy, but he couldn’t. Well, he thought he couldn’t. Until he discovered there was a way by complete accident.

—

It was a golden apple. Which made sense actually, at least to Scar. Something made not found, made to be a deliberate act rather than an accident, and yet he still managed to separate them by accident. Maybe Grian was right to be so worried.

Scar hadn’t realised he had done it for at least a day. That’s how long he hadn’t seen Grian for since he had eaten that golden apple , given to him by Scott because he needed food and the two weren’t against each other at that exact moment (had Scott known? With his and Pearl’s separation perhaps he did, but he’d never know and he’d never ask).

Scar only realised what effect it had when he watched Grian get grazed by a skeletons arrow — by enough to at least take half a heart— but nothing happened. No sting of a wound, not even a tingle. Like the soul tie was gone. Grian didn’t notice of course, too busy killing the offending skeleton. He tested this again, standing on a cactus block while watching Grian from afar and noticing how he didn’t even flinch (or start hissing about Scar’s clumsiness).

Was he free? Or, more like, was Grian finally free?

The angry part of Scar’s mind didn’t want to tell him, he wanted to let Grian continue feeling the burden of Scar’s ‘incompetence’. The part of Scar that loved Grian (every part) wanted to keep it from him just a bit longer, just to have the chance to prove himself. But the logical part of Scar knew that wouldn’t happen. Grian had proven he wouldn’t trust Scar ever, even after his water bucket clutch, even when time and time again he tried to show he was capable, tried to prove he was worth being around.

The part of Scar that won was the one that was done with everything, and that part was the one that wanted his part in this stupid death game to be over and him and Grian to return to whatever they had back in Hermitcraft. He wanted back Grian’s respect, his faith. And if the only way to do that was to be done here then he knew what he needed to do.

‘Goodtimeswithscar hit the ground too hard’

Scar respawned in their bed on his red life, and when he checked his communicator Grian was still on yellow and a whole lot people were confused.

‘Inthelittlewood: WHAT?’

‘Smajor1995: why didn’t Grian Die??’

‘ZombieCleo: what even happened?’

…

‘Grian: stay there Scar’

Scar couldn’t find it in himself to listen to Grian, or to even care. Wasn’t this what he wanted? For Grian to pay attention to him. Maybe it was, but he was sure he hadn’t really achieved it. He was sure Grian was too busy with Big B to make it home by dark, just like every other day. If he did make it home, Scar knew he’d just be berated until he revealed how he cut their tie. Or maybe he’d be kicked from their base, Scar was a red life after all, he was supposedly dangerous now (not that he was going to be around for much longer anyways).

With the confidence that Grian wouldn’t be home for awhile, Scar decided to take his time. He freed the jelliepandas (because he knew if they stayed they’d be more than likely killed), made his and Grian’s (rarely) shared bed and even left a note. Not that it said much, because was there really much to say? He didn’t want this to be a thing after this was over. Scar wanted to go back to his quiet pining, where he wouldn’t burden Grian on Hermitcraft. Back to the place where his clumsy hands pulling Grian with him wouldn’t matter, where Grian can finally pull his faith in him again and lose the prickly comments. Back to how they were before, best friends.

But as much as Scar wanted their normalcy back, he was still a little bitter, so the paper existed, even with only one sentence.

‘Why were you so mean?’

Maybe Grian would apologise back at Hermitcraft, or maybe he’d do what he always seemed to do (what he had done during their first game) and never talk about it again. Scar wasn’t sure which he’d prefer.

In the end, Scar was right. Grian didn’t make it back till dark. By that point Scar was stood by the edge overlooking the water. It was different to the first spot he jumped, where that had been the first edge he spotted after his decision this was thought out. The best view, at least in his opinion.

Scar heard Grian before he spoke, the crunch of dried leaves and the rustle of grass under his shoes. The way his wings made small rustling sounds as feathers brushed against each other in ways Grian seemed to never notice.

“Scar?”

For the first time in a long time, Grian’s voice was….gentle. No anger, no tiredness. Only confusion and maybe some worry.

Scar didn’t answer.

“Scar. Why are you red and I’m not?” It was a stupid question, Scar knew he was only asking in the hope that he’d reveal his secrets.

Scar let the question sit in the air for a bit, neither of them moving even when the dark sky above started spitting down on them.

“You’re no longer tied to me, you can be with your secret soulmate.”

Scar didn’t look over, but he could hear the frown in Grian’s voice.

“What? Scar I- why? How?”

He frowned too, the ache in his chest (the whisper in his head that he messed up) leaking through the wall he had confined his feelings to.

“Isn’t this what you wanted? To be free of me?”

Scar heard the little breath of shock Grian made, and knew he had to be right. Grian’s silence only proved that.

“Congratulations Grian, you’re free. I’ll see you on Hermitcraft.”

Scar took a step closer, but Grian grabbed his hand.

“Scar wait!”

He looked back, and like he thought Grian was frowning. But there was more that he couldn’t quite place behind his eyes, something that seemed close to regret (but Scar wouldn’t let himself dream like that).

“What.”

He couldn’t help the venom in his voice. He was so close to being free! Why did Grian only care now? It wasn’t like this affected him anymore.

When Grian didn’t speak, Scar tugged his hand from Grian’s – even when his mind didn’t want to leave the warmth he radiated even in the rain.

That seemed to snap Grian from his thoughts.

“Scar don’t do this- I’m sorry.”

This only made Scar hesitate for a moment, and he couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the side of his lips, sad as it was. A small seed of hope bloomed even in the pain, but that wasn’t enough to keep him in his game any longer.

“I love you Grian. I’ll see you back in Hermitcraft.”

Scar didn’t let Grian speak before he stepped off the edge. He was sure Grian had shouted something at him, but it was hard to hear over the shout of bones crunching. He was sure it didn’t matter anyways, he would’ve said it sooner if it did.