and even now, understanding of any sort was so far away from gaara. always reaching out, trying to grab and claw love into him — but gaara remained ever-starved; the trauma of years of loneliness digging its talons into him relentlessly.
how vulnerable the kazekage seemed, in these fragile moments — and when questioned, it was only then, he looks at lee.
he was a boy shown so much love to him, by that sensei who stopped gaara from dealing the final blow. even in these days, where the two of them had grown, gaara could still see that. was it cruel of him to feel envious; never having a loving father of his own?
lee showed him kindness here, offering to hold him — and here gaara was, envious. lee didn't deserve that, either.
and yet, there's a step forward. then another.
he accepts lee's offer to hug him — because gaara was so hungry for it. even gaara's hugs were awkward; like he'd never been hugged once in his life. could lee feel the way his heart thundered, not knowing what to do? how to hug at all?
"i can't accept the easy route," he speaks, slightly muffled by green-covered shoulder, "it doesn't make sense, for someone like me to just be — forgiven, as if i am..."
"…easy to forgive," then it comes spilling out, "i am not my father's monster anymore, but it is not something i have been able to forsake easily."
"i had to work so hard — just to get them to look at me, to want me," and then, "and even then, none of them saw me like this. like you did."
"you saw me at my worst — when i embodied every piece of pain i had ever witnessed," was there tears starting to sink into lee? "it would be... logical, to bear a grudge."