SCREW DESTINY.

Kurenai listened to Gai, the sorrow very evident in their voice. Yes, Naruto was a vessel for Kurama, his parents sacrificing themselves to save the village. The village was not kind to the poor boy. But then he asked her if she'd leave an injured student behind...

"No. No I wouldn't." She answered.

She thought about how fast she reacted when Hinata was near death. It was as if the girl was her own child...

gai was, after all, a child of war and violence. and he left his son. this knowledge alone a greater agony than the gate of death ever could be, he was certain. and the vagueness of lee's situation from the ANBU did not help -- invites gai to imagine. his darling son must be in pain, scared out of his mind. and it's all his fault. gai keeps circling back to this fact. another cup of sake lifted to his mouth, except he had already emptied it minutes ago. ❝ kurenai -- please. ❞

when she sees lee-san reach out to gently shake gai-sensei’s hand, as if the smallest of touches would wake him, only to receive no response, sakura envisions: her sitting seiza on the ground, her hands cupping a wrinkled hand, and shizune-senpai is right beside her, sharing the same melancholic look as they both watch over a futon laid out in front of them. lying in the bed is tsunade-shishō / tsunade-sama who helped broaden sakura’s little world with possibilities and goals that she felt that were finally within her reach, and most of all, hope; endless hope. the hope that sakura could cling on so that she had the right incentive to bring sasuke-kun back. it was tsunade who made her feel like she could take on the world, to fight for what she wants.

and right now, sakura sees herself sitting in the chair, in this hospital, cupping shishō’s hand again. maybe she and lee-san are birds of a feather, and perhaps it’s for the best if she remains gai-sensei’s personal doctor henceforth because sakura understands. she really does. so much, it hurts.

even the simple reply he gives her sounds so achingly sad … sakura tries to return the smile, trying to make it a smidgen happier-looking, because lee-san could use some cheering up, even if it is poorly done on her part. ❝ the others won’t bother you anymore since i’ll be in here. ❞ she grabs a clipboard left by the foot of gai-sensei’s bed that should have his current medical status. his glucose level is a little low today, but they refilled the iv earlier, so it’s okay to just monitor for abnormalities. she’ll keep an eye on the heart rate monitor and his breathing. ❝ i’m the only one who has full access to this room, so do what you must. ❞

however, she frowns out of concern, looking up from the clipboard at his next words. he’s spiraling again. that’s not good. ❝ lee-san, don’t. what’s done is done. thinking about the what-ifs won’t wake him up now. and if you—— if you did that for real, then think about how gai-sensei would feel. how would he feel if you got hurt? he’s a smart man; i think he knew the consequences when he did that. don’t let it be for nothing by wanting to undo it … ❞

there is a breath of relief at sakura's words, lee would've done as he pleased regardless, but it was nice to have the permission of someone of such a high rank. all five kages combined in their power and wisdom lacked the might to keep maito lee out of this room.

dark eyes idly drift over to the kunoichi taking a look at the clipboard, as if lee hadn't read it ten times over already; as if she'd somehow find something he missed. gai's glocose was a little lower than it was yesterday, nothing to cause concern, and yet lee frets over the little details like a bickering, old fishwife.

thick brows furrow, choked for words. of course gai knew the consequence of opening the gate of death; and he knew the reason. to protect something so precious you would gladly give your life for it. for the world to keep turning, for the new generation, for tenten, for neji's memory, for lee. few times had gai talked about his father, never without a melancholic tone, how dai opened the gate of death to protect his son's life. and gai had always looked at him so intently at that part, like he too had found that one reason to go that far. lee never understood it -- not until they were face to face with the newborn god of chakra.

he hadn't really expected sakura to agree with him; to encourage him to give his father all of matatabi this very instance -- nontheless the rejection made lee break from the silence in one pained sob. the jônin knew, even back then, that gai did not want him to lay his life down for his sake. that he was disrespecting his father's last wish. how selfish, HOW SELFISH OF HIM. ❝ i want him to wake up -- and scold me for being so reckless -- like he always does. ❞

❝ thanks, gai-sensei, ❞ she replies, sincere. it’s because that sakura wanted to help that it’s why she even proposed the idea of a children’s therapy center in the first place. all of her life, she had been plagued by thoughts of how useless she’s been, how she had to constantly rely on others to protect her / this time, she wants to do something for others: she’ll help protect the future generation. ino is by her side now, no longer the shadow that sakura had been swallowed and trapped in. this time, sakura will be a pillar, just like what ino had done for her. ❝ it’s hard work, but it’s worth it if the kids can still find reasons to smile. the council is still skeptical of fully supporting it, but kaka-sensei and shishō have been putting a good word in for me whenever they can. ❞

honestly, if it weren’t for kakashi and tsunade advocating for her, then those stuck-up elders wouldn’t give her the time of day. a shame, because children really are the future in the making. it’s their job to help guide them.

❝ oh, that’s even better! but i gotta say, some of the kids are a little shy, so i’m not sure if they’ll open up to her as easily … ❞ something as fascinating as the bijuus can be a hit-or-miss with kids: some are scared, others get excited. sakura has no way of predicting which outcome will happen, but her kids are all friendly and embrace the unknown, so maybe she’s worried for nothing. hopefully matatabi won’t take offense to it.

his brief silence makes sakura wonder if she had said something wrong, but she feels embarrassed at the last sentence he inserts. she laughs it off fondly, waving her hand in a dismissive manner. ❝ oh, i dunno. what kid wants to hear about the blood and sweat i put into keeping up with you and lee-san? i think i messed up more than i actually succeeded if it weren’t for you two taking the time to help me. ❞ tsunade-sama, though, rightfully deserves that legendary slug sage title. ❝ i remember when i could barely do ten push-ups when i first started! the kids will think i’m lame, gai-sensei, ❞ she complains, lightheartedly. perhaps she shouldn’t have mentioned it if she knew the attention would be on her——but on the other hand, those days, as short as some of them were, are fond memories that could be preserved as stories anyway. at least, they must be more fun to hear than gruesome war stories, which she assumes is probably he brought up something else.

trust kakashi and tsunade-sama to support their former student, and the words of two hokages weigh heavy -- gai would've supported her too, as little as his voice would have meant compared to the honored slug sage and his dear rival. had he not been comatose; lost in a vast, abyssal, dreamless sleep.

❝ i suppose -- ❞ a strong hands smoothes over clean shaven jaw. even at her smallest the great tiger towers over him; and gai was taller than most. for a child's eye, a feline beast of great size, with trenchant fangs and claws like daggers; MADE OF FIRE, might be terrifying, no matter the kind disposition. no matter, where lee went so did the nekomata. and she could always return to hide in her flimsy seal.

❝ don't say that -- !! ❞ to hear of sakura talking so lowly of herself, what kind of unyouthful doubts -- ?! was she not a hero of the fourth great war, was she not a slug sage like her master? has dear sakura not done great things and was she not strong? ❝ and what if the children will be inspired?! ❞ there was a time when lee, too, could do barely any push ups; and his punches were weak and uncoordinated. gai's too. every master started somewhere once, konohagakure was not built in a single day, but bricks were laid with each passing hour.

gai playfully jabs at the kunoichi, with strength and speed befitting a taijutsu master, THE STRONGEST, formerly. ❝ what if they, too, can do ten push ups, or less, and think WILL I BE STRONG LIKE HER ONE DAY? what then? ❞