Sand Samboosa

You have something in common with other bisexuals and that is being attracted to both men and women. You belong in bisexual spaces because you are bisexual.

Other bi people would be able to relate to you, other bi people who have majority ssa or osa would be able to relate to only experiencing some tingles or butterflies for one sex, other bi people who aren't leaning that much but experience the bi-cycle will be able to relate to sometimes feeling something towards one sex but the majority of attention goes to the other.

You don't have to go to bi spaces and talk about your OSA being the majority of your bisexuality or even just focusing on your SSA, but if you ever wanted to do that, you are more than welcome.

Feel free to add your own prefered games if you want as well.

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1. Hellblade, Senua's Sacrifice

This game is dark, brutal and emotional. It won't be everyone's cup of tea because it is a strange game and sometimes scary. But I absolutely loved it.

Our main character is a warrior on a quest to save her lover's soul. He has died and she believes she can bring him back by confronting the goddess who guards the underworld, Hela (who looks terrific by the way, but I won't spoil it).

To do this she has to fight northern gods and other dark creatures, but mostly her own mental illness and grief.

She suffers from schizophrenia and through her we experience all the symptoms which can be disturbing. Is it mythology or insanity? You're never really sure. She also has to overcome her father's negative influence. But she is determined and nothing can stop her.

The game won 5 BAFTA awards for best acting performance, best audio, most impactful game, best british game and best artistic achievement.

The story is set in France, where our main character Amicia is on the run with her little brother, Hugo, whom she barely knows because he was kept isolated by their mother for mysterious reasons.

The two of them are trying to escape the Inquisition while the world is being invaded by a plague of demonic rats. Little by little our heroine learns alchemy, meets new allies and her personality changes as she gets more confident.

The game looks great, with a very unusual storyline and gameplay as well as a very effective OST. Still, it is a story about the Inquisition so expect gloom and doom and blood and gore and creepy church leaders.

I think Gris might be the most beautiful game I've ever played.

What happened to our character, we do not know. But it changed her into stone, it broke her, and she took refuge in a beautiful fantasy world that you get to explore. Little by little, you bring back the colours into this world, you develop your powers and take back your voice.

Peaceful gameplay and delightful music and sound effects (ASMR worthy, seriously), gorgeous and poetic design, relaxing and thougtful story, I absolutely loved it. Plus I played it when I was feeling really down and it helped me feel better so it'll always be in my heart.

Two of my favourites (both PS4 exclusives):

You don’t need to have played the other Uncharted games to enjoy ULL, imo it’s the best of the series plot-wise, it’s a short game but can be picked up for cheap! Set in India and with two WoC leads, you play as Chloe, who’s on a mission to recover a lost treasure. Really fun gameplay and excellent character writing, and it made gamerbros Big Mad when it first came out, so you KNOW it’s gonna be good.

The actual truth is that no bisexual can fully understand the lesbian/gay experience because we have no idea what it’s like to singularly attracted to the same sex. Even the bisexuals who thought that they were lesbians/gay men for years realise, looking back, that their experience was bisexual, and that they were innocently mistaken about their identities for a myriad of reasons.

The real underpinning of the LGB is that we’re all oppressed by straight people, who only want heterosexuality to exist. Anything else is abhorrent to them. 

This is your problem. The biphobic LG don’t understand bisexuality as an actual sexuality in its own right, so you can only pin us down as “half-straight-half-gay” and genuinely think that we’re stuck between two worlds equally when that’s never the case. The most OSA-leaning bisexual in a relationship with the opposite sex who is currently closeted knows what it’s like to be attracted to the opposite sex like a heterosexual, but there is always internalised biphobia and there is always some level of fear of being “found out” as an “imposter.” There is always minority stress, because there is always biphobic oppression.

We never have anything meaningful in common with straight people, but we do have something meaningful in common with the LG. The LG is only attracted to the same sex, whereas we’re attracted to both sexes, but we both suffer minority stress and oppression from straight people because none of us are straight. That’s as simple as it gets.

I, as a bisexual, completely understand that bisexuals don’t “get” the lesbian/gay experience because we’re not lesbians or gay men, we’re bisexual. I also understand that by not “getting it,” there’s a high risk of having homophobic beliefs, especially considering that we live in a homophobic world that promotes homophobia. That’s simple class analysis.

What biphobes refuse to understand is that the opposite is true, too. Lesbians and gay men don’t “get” the bisexual experience because you have no idea what it’s like being attracted to both sexes. You’re simply not bisexual. Because you don’t “get it,” there’s a high risk of having biphobic beliefs, especially considering that we live in a homophobic world that promotes homophobia. It’s the same simple class analysis.

There are times when bisexuals are homophobic and that ends up supporting our joint straight oppressors in oppressing lesbians and gay men. It’s completely wrong and needs to end. A lot of it comes down to bisexuals not understanding the lesbian/gay experience, as described above.

There are also times when lesbians and gay men are biphobic and that ends up supporting our joint straight oppressors in oppressing bisexuals. That’s just as wrong and also needs to end. The vast majority of it comes down to both straight people and LG people only being attracted to a single sex and not being able to fathom being attracted to both sexes. In other words, it comes down to monosexuality.

It isn’t painful for me to hear from lesbians and gay men that at times, there are bisexuals who are homophobic because they can’t fathom what it’s like to only be attracted to one sex, because I know that’s true. But when that homophobia comes from homophobic bisexuals, that comes from a faulty bisexual lens, not from something shared by bisexuals and straight people. Straight people simply can’t fathom being attracted to the same sex, as opposed to homophobic bisexuals not being able to fathom only being attracted to one sex.

What I find absolutely fascinating is that the very, very few bisexuals will discuss monosexuals in a neutral sense to try and analyse biphobia, and then the loudest voices of the biphobic LG lose their minds in fury about having something in common with their oppressors… while having absolutely no problem pretending that bisexuals are really all oppressive evil “bihets” and “really just straight” and that any actual discussions of our full bisexuality is “turning LGB spaces straight” and all the rest of the times that you maliciously lump us together with our joint oppressors and even prioritise our joint oppressors over us.

Very, very few bisexuals discuss monosexuality in neutral, true terms, all with hardly any notes and mostly silent interactions of followers too afraid to speak or admit they agree and that’s horrific for you, but you have no problem with the hundreds of people in this space alone salivating for a moment to hate bisexuals, on posts with hundreds of agreeing, biphobic notes pretending that we’re straight.

How many times do you see bisexuals in this space constantly defending the LG, particularly defending lesbians, as opposed to any LG standing up to bat for all bisexuals?

How many times do you see bisexuals calling out homophobia, as opposed to any of the LG calling out biphobia?

How many times do you see bisexuals defending straight people over the LG, as opposed to how many times the LG will rush to defend straight people all so they can be biphobic and blame bisexuals for everything bad instead?

Yeah. You can’t even handle a single drop of the flood of what bisexuals go through every single day even in this online space and you’re outraged about it. Not even that! Because saying “monosexual” is literally just “you can only be attracted to one sex” and that’s it. It’s not saying you’re the same as straight people, or oppressors, or evil, or anything like that.

I don’t know what to call myself but some people call me bi and others call me straight.

I have meaningful experiences in common with straight people and none in common with gay people. This is because I love men but just get butterflies for women very rarely. My “SSA” is weak and limited to teensy whimsies that pass quickly.

I’m only ever going to be in straight relationships and the only time I feel like an “imposter” is when people tell me I should be included in LGB spaces.

For example @girlsfrommars made posts saying if you’ve ever had any gay thoughts you’re bi and belong in bi spaces, that true hets like her would never even kiss a woman like I do.

One time I was dating this guy but I made out with some women at a party and gave one woman a lap dance. I thought he would think it was hot. But he felt jealous instead. I thought that was weird. That was 7 years ago. I did a lot of internal work since then.

Nothing you’ve said to me is something I haven’t heard before and sincerely thought about for years. That’s why I got so frustrated at your DMs ignoring my points to parrot back the same bullshit you spew to people as if you’re telling them something they haven’t heard before.

You can say that I don’t take my SSA feelings seriously enough but even after years of deep analysis, I can’t force myself to be more SSA. It’s weak and no amount of trying to force myself to be more SSA is going to do that.

You can’t make weak feelings stronger. Claiming that even the weakest SSA attracted person has more in common with LG is flat out WRONG!

Your problem, unfortunately, is that your story changes constantly to say whatever you think is the most convenient for whatever particular moment.

Which is it? Did you discover your bisexuality and never want to act on it because you’re terrified of hurting other women, or did you deliberately make out with a woman and give her a lapdance to try and impress a man? Those two stories can’t both be true.

So what’s the actual truth?

Are you a bisexual with severe internalised biphobia to the point where you feel the need to copy my url and obsess over me and lie about yourself to attempt to manipulate me into backing down?

Or are you straight and pushing yourself into discussions about bisexuality to be biphobic?

Language is a flawed way to capture human experience but I’m doing my very best. And I haven’t lied about any of my experiences.

I don’t ever want to act on it in the sense that I will never go on a date or have a relationship with a woman or probably ever have sex with a woman. That’s why I’m not a real bisexual.

I don’t think making out counts. But some people do. I don’t get real serious crushes on women, just little butterflies. Some people don’t think this counts, others do.

I accept myself as I am and you need to stop acting like you can speak for people like me. You can’t! You don’t represent us!

Someone has to speak up when you’re spreading this horrible misinformation. I listened to people like you in the past and tried to “unpack my biphobia” to try to make myself more SSA and it was just CRINGE AND BAD.

“It doesn’t make any sense and it’s stupid to say that either someone is bisexual or they’re not bisexual, end of story!”

No wonder you were so argumentative on anon and went so far to make a brand new account to keep stalking me!

That might not make sense to you but it does make a whole lot more sense to me than being a true bisexual, because you can’t “unpack biphobia” aka FORCE yourself to be more SSA. You can’t!

And since I don’t get real crushes, I don’t have a true bisexual experience. I don’t relate or belong in their groups.

But hets are saying that I have a handful of experiences that they don’t have at all. These experiences aren’t that important or meaningful, though.

So I’m both at the same time, and that makes way more sense than saying one or the other.

You’re not a real bisexual because you don’t feel real same-sex attraction and you consider yourself straight, but you’re bisexual enough to tell me that I have to shut up and you’ve decided that I spread harmful messages for bisexuals, but you’re actually really just straight and don’t belong in bisexual spaces anyway, but you’re so bisexual that your voice is more important than mine while you’re telling me that I’m the real bisexual and you’re not a real bisexual at all, and it’s important to keep repeating that you haven’t even had a real crush on a woman before and never done anything with a woman because you’d never want to harm a woman but you have have kissed a woman and gave her a lapdance to use her to try and get male attention, but you’re definitely “choosing to be straight” and not really bisexual but are bisexual and that’s why I need to shut up and why I’m so terrible, and it’s bad to say that either someone has a sexuality or they don’t, but you care about LG people but you think anyone can be a mix of different sexualities and there are no real boundaries and it’s stupid to say that distinct sexuality boundaries even exist, but you’re straight, but you’re bisexual, but, but, but…!

This is why I won’t post on my main blog about this, because unless you’re someone like me, you can’t understand what this experience is like at all.

You reduce everything to “it is either this or that!” Black and white style thinking, which is a hallmark of personality disorders by the way. In reality two seemingly contradictory things can be true at the same time. You are just failing desperately to empathize.

The way you are so completely out of touch with my experience that you think it is a joke or a troll is exactly why you should not get to speak for people like me, the way you include us with all bisexuals, as if we have remotely the same experience as you is wrong.

You’re very obviously not bisexual at this point. You’re very obviously a biphobe who is angry at me either calling them out or at something else that I’ve said.

You’re insane because you refuse to understand what I am actually trying to communicate. You are so stuck in your black and white thinking you can’t understand what it is I am actually trying to say. Here I am presenting my honest and vulnerable experiences and you are reacting like a callous asshole because my experience does not fit in your narrow boxes.

Also I guarantee you’re wrong about who I am lmao

I have never even posted my sexuality once on my main blog and I have never interacted with you on my main blog either.

“It’s stupid to say that people are only one sexuality!”

You’re using the exact same logic that the TRAs who promote shit like “bi lesbian” say, which everyone with any sense in radblr knows is blatant homophobia.

You’re straight or you’re bisexual or you’re a lesbian/gay man. There’s no “in between.”

And since you’ve already said that you haven’t even had a real crush on a woman and have had no real sexual attraction to a woman, you sound like one of those biphobic, appropriative TRAs who says, “I’m bisexual because I can recognise that a woman is pretty.”

Of course I don’t like what you have to say. Calling you a troll is a kindness because otherwise, if you genuinely believe this shit, you’re a complete biphobic and homophobic piece of shit and it’s a good thing that you hid your cowardly little self with this separate account.

I don’t just “recognize that women are pretty” that is NOT my experience at all.

This is what I mean. So I am supposed to shut up about my sexuality after all!

See, you are a liar, you are not compassionate, you have no empathy at all for complex experiences that you can not neatly fit in one box or the other!

There is nothing “biphobic” or “homophobic” about my experiences. And it has taken me a long time to realize that, because I thought my experiences and feelings were “biphobic” and “homophobic” for a long time because of people like you making me hate myself just for being who I am and existing!

The more you speak, the more heterosexual you sound. You decided that you “choose heterosexuality.” Your one “experience” was performing for a male gaze on purpose or “not caring” who you were kissing because you were taking MDMA, apparently. 

I don’t fall for guilt-trips, either. None of this is about “your sexuality.” This all started because you wanted to argue that certain bisexuals didn’t deserve any real support, only lesbians and gay men did. You defend the homophobic and biphobic Kinsey Scale. You haven’t had any “real crushes” on a woman before. Nothing that you describe, when you dance around what you’ve supposedly done, your story constantly changing, is a bisexual experience, it’s a straight-but-kissing-other-women-for-men experience. Your entire point was to try and feel smug and spread biphobic beliefs and then ping back to claim, “but I’m really bisexual!” when you state over and over again that you’re “really just straight.” Heavily-OSA bisexual women aren’t like that. Heavily-SSA bisexual women aren’t like that the opposite way, either.

You copied my url. You pretended to want to be supportive against biphobia for a single post and then started all this shit. You’re unhinged and I have no time for straight women appropriating bisexual struggles to promote biphobia and try and manipulate me into this. A normal person doesn’t behave like this.

Stay in your lane and fuck off.

For the record, I only dislike you because you’re both a fool, an oppressor and a waste of my time. You get absolutely nothing else from me.

See, this is exactly what I mean. I am between and I do not belong with or relate with people like you! But then why do heterosexuals say that they would never ever kiss another woman for any reason ever? 

Also I told you that I get butterflies and tingles, but apparently those do not count for you, because they are not big serious crushes. And that is not the same thing as “recognizing a woman is pretty” because it is not about her being pretty!

Like my coworker. I like her. She makes me feel tingly and special inside and sometimes I have gay thoughts about her and I wonder if we are flirting or not because she made a joke about us kissing and she likes to touch my hair.

There have been women that I have casually flirted with throughout my life, and it makes me feel a certain way, that is romantic or whatever.

But I do not have a serious crush on her or want to be with her or partner with my coworker. But the feelings I have for her are not exactly heterosexual either.

So I am in fact inbetween. You just can not comprehend it because you do not experience this at all.

Now you could say that my feelings are weak because of biphobia but I have TRIED to make those feelings stronger by “unpacking shit” and all it did was frustrate me because I can not make those feelings stronger!

You either like the opposite sex, the same sex, or both of them, and you like both of them. Liking both sexes is bisexuality.

There is no such thing as being in between heterosexual and bisexual, you either like the same sex or you don't. If you've had butterflies and tingles for other women, you're bisexual. It shouldn't be hard to understand. You like men, and you like women. Sure, you may like men much more than you like women, but your attraction to women is still there, no matter how weak it is.